# Your SO may be cheating, what can you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 19, 2003, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166 "2003-08-19T08:20:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/21 "2003-08-19T21:17:23Z")
> [@](#): > > Older men sometimes can’t avoid cheating… most of my older workmates tended toward playing around at some point. That’s 'cause all those voluptuous young babes keep pointing guns at their head and forcing them to perform sexual favors, don’t ya know? Hell, when I was a (semi) hot 20 year old, I found myself insanely attracted to wrinkled, half-bald old geezers with round potbellies and skinny little chicken legs. If they could slip their false teeth in and out of their mouths while holding a conversation, I ripped off their shirts and did 'em then and there. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/22 "2003-08-19T21:34:37Z")
“Your SO may be cheating, what can you do?” Well, I would simply WAKE UP. I would have to be dreaming to think that. I KNOW that Mr. S would never cheat, and he KNOWS the same thing about me. Not denial there, just simple fact. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/23 "2003-08-19T22:16:40Z")
“What if a person is naturally suspicious of someone being unfaithful before entering any relationship, what should they do then?” Married men who have mistresses are knowingly being unfaithful to the wife & the mistress knows this, but they stay with them. shrug. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/24 "2003-08-19T22:35:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jlzania \* > \*\*That’s 'cause all those voluptuous young babes keep pointing guns at their head and forcing them to perform sexual favors, don’t ya know? > Hell, when I was a (semi) hot 20 year old, I found myself insanely attracted to wrinkled, half-bald old geezers with round potbellies and skinny little chicken legs. > If they could slip their false teeth in and out of their mouths while holding a conversation, I ripped off their shirts and did 'em then and there. \*\* So that was _you_ then!? ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/25 "2003-08-19T22:47:14Z")
I’m assuming **Rashak Mani** ’s logic is that old men tend to fall down more, thus increasing the probability that they will accidentally fall and land with their penis in the vagina of another woman. Sure, it seems unlikely, but it happens all the time… ---
**Author:** ![White\_Ink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/26 "2003-08-19T22:50:03Z")
Depends on what you want the end result to be. Some people cannot deal with ever having been cheated on, some people can work past that and work with a damaged relationship. Sometimes the repair work actually creates a stronger product. I speak with experience of the latter. I was suspicious, I conducted a raid on the computer, found the evidence, composed my thoughts over several days and then we had a conversation. It didn’t end the relationship though. What you can do is think about what kind of end result you want, how to get there, how to talk about it. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/27 "2003-08-20T00:54:15Z")
If my spouse was cheating I wouldn’t care as long as nothing changed on my end. I’d get to catch up on my reading and it would make it easier to weasel out of housework. I’d actually probably start pouring on the charm so the guilt would eat him alive. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/28 "2003-08-20T02:07:51Z")
Well, I eventually figured out a boyfriend was cheating on me after I went to the ER with pelvic pains and was told I had a parasitic infection. Took nearly three weeks for it to really sink in that since _I_ wasn’t sleeping around, he must have been. Of course, in that time, I broke up with him anyways, because he was a complete jerk in many other directions. Never got the chance to confront him, and I regret that. I don’t know what to tell other people. It took the equivalent of dropping a grand piano on my head to figure it out. Hopefully, not everyone is as clueless as I was. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/29 "2003-08-20T03:37:18Z")
I’ve given Mr. Ujest a carte Blanc to take care of business elsewhere, no really. The rules: He cannot buy her gifts. He cannot get her pregnant. She has to do his laundry. That last one, kiddies, is where the romance just dies. And FTR, as he puts it, “Why would I want two women in my life to drive me nuts. You are all I need for that job.” Feh. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/30 "2003-08-20T11:07:27Z")
I realize this situation may be unique, but when my ex cheated on me, my first clue was that she was jealous of the guy’s wife. A friend of her’s from high school and her husband started spending a lot of time with us. Of the 4 of us, I was the only one with a job, and in fact had to work 2. I started hearing things like, “She’s such a bitch,” “He deserves better than her,”. I could tell she had feelings for him, if not any actual contact. But… The contact had been made. Had to get a divorce and an AIDs test. ---
**Author:** ![topless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@topless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/topless)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/31 "2003-08-27T21:07:18Z")
Good point sooners - if it sounds like a lie it probably is. So go with your gut feeling. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/32 "2003-08-27T21:22:12Z")
I found out 20 years later once when she forgot what it is she said to me back then. That’s the catch with a lie, they forget what they said. ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/33 "2003-08-27T21:57:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kambuckta \* > \*\*The minute you feel a need to ‘investigate further’ is the time to leave the relationship, both for your sake and theirs. If you feel that you have serious doubts re the fidelity of your SO, then > > a) Further investigation will confirm your fears or, > > b) Further investigation will reveal no problem, but you will always doubt the thoroughness of the investigative process. You will forever analyse any behaviour of your SO in the light of your suspicions, and unfortunately anything can be misinterpreted if one is already on the lookout for such indicators. In the end, your SO will get completely fed up with your lack of trust, and will leave you, even if they are completely innocent. > In other words, don’t bother spending money on private or other investigations. The relationship is over. \*\* I know there’s already one “what kambuckta said,” but this post needs to be read and understood by all people who think their SO is cheating, or worry that their SO MIGHT cheating on them. ---
**Author:** ![feistyALgal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@feistyALgal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/feistyALgal)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/34 "2003-08-27T23:02:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sooners \* > \*\*go with your gut instinct. majority of the time it is right \*\* Experience (in lying) is a good teacher, eh? ---
**Author:** ![unregister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b2d939/32.png) [@unregister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unregister)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/35 "2003-08-27T23:12:23Z")
I agree with topless and and fiestyALgal. A lie is a lie is a lie. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/36 "2003-08-27T23:37:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ryan\_Liam \* > \*\*Question guys: What if a person is naturally suspicious of someone being unfaithful before entering any relationship, what should they do then? \*\* Healthy relationships can only be built on trust. If a person is unable or unwilling to trust, they probably should be working on their own personal issues before entering a relationship. Alternatively, they can build unhealthy relationships and not only continue to screw themselves up, but bring down others that they otherwise find to be attractive and worthy people. ---
**Author:** ![lacalmus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@lacalmus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lacalmus)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/37 "2003-08-28T00:04:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sooners \* > \*\*go with your gut instinct. majority of the time it is right \*\* just like i knew you were full of sh\*\* in the other forum you were run out of. i always go with my gut instinct… ---
**Author:** ![Shopgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@Shopgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shopgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/38 "2003-08-28T03:08:00Z")
My goodness, Sooners…sounds like you’ve got a bit of baggage dragging behind you. What’s it all about? Have you lied about something? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![lacalmus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@lacalmus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lacalmus)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/39 "2003-08-28T03:18:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shopgirl \* > \*\*My goodness, Sooners…sounds like you’ve got a bit of baggage dragging behind you. What’s it all about? Have you lied about something? 😕 \*\* this guy, sooners, is a member of another forum on [www.ktul.com](http://www.ktul.com). he fabricated many, many stories about his life such as; he got married, his new wife had triplets, the triplets were 3 months early, he won the lottery, his wife developed cancer, he’s been in TWO bad car accidents, he moved to TX, he moved back from TX, blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth. Turns out NONE of it was true. We’ve prayed for this jerk-o\*\* and for his psuedo-wife and this guy just keeps on lying. He CAN’T stop. I’ve even seen new and improved lies he’s told within the last 24 hours. I wish him an eternity spent in hell. ---
**Author:** ![lacalmus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@lacalmus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lacalmus)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2003, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166/40 "2003-08-28T03:21:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shopgirl \* > \*\*My goodness, Sooners…sounds like you’ve got a bit of baggage dragging behind you. What’s it all about? Have you lied about something? 😕 \*\* this guy, sooners, is a member of another forum on [www.ktul.com](http://www.ktul.com). he fabricated many, many stories about his life such as; he got married, his new wife had triplets, the triplets were 3 months early, he won the lottery, his wife developed cancer, he’s been in TWO bad car accidents, he moved to TX, he moved back from TX, blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth. Turns out NONE of it was true. He’s a real jerk-o\*\* [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-may-be-cheating-what-can-you-do/196166.md?page=3)