# Your SO randomly cuts off the sex in your relationship: How do you react? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 11, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496 "2012-04-11T21:01:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/41 "2012-04-12T20:13:27Z")
It wouldn’t fly in our house. If we go more than 5 days without an encounter, we’re both unhappy. And that’s after 38 years together, and nearly 31 years of marriage. Marriage motto: “I’ve got an itch to scratch, I need assistance.” ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2012, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/42 "2012-04-12T23:22:05Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > … > > Marriage motto: “I’ve got an itch to scratch, I need assistance.” 😃 I wonder what movie I’ll feel like watching at midnight tomorrow? ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/43 "2012-04-13T00:53:40Z")
Honestly, I suspect that much of the time when someone thinks their SO has “randomly” given up on sex, there is a spouse going “I tried and tried and tried to get them to see, but they wouldn’t listen/take me seriously, so finally I just gave up.” ---
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/44 "2012-04-13T01:05:23Z")
Anytime anything all of a sudden changes within a relationship, it is worthy of a good long talk. That said, there were a few people on this board who question the importance of sex and I’m among them. The most we ever had sex was maybe 3 times a month. Now it’s down to twice a month and I don’t miss it all the much. We’ve been married 20 years and there are so many other positive things that the sex isn’t such a big deal. And yes, I was tested last summer for Low T and my testosterone came back normal. I just never felt the urge to have sex a half dozen times during a weekend. My life is good and it is possible to be fulfilled w/o weekly monkey sex. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/45 "2012-04-13T01:20:21Z")
Since my divorce in 2004 I have not had sex. I tried but I had no physical reaction. I thought it might be physcological but I now know it is a symptom of my Multiple Sclerosis. I have not had an erection or any desire even since 2005. Frankly I don’t miss it too much. Maybe I had my fill. ---
**Author:** ![Terra1041](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Terra1041](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terra1041)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/46 "2012-04-13T02:03:46Z")
I’d prefer a relationship to be sexless, really. Sex doesn’t interest me. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/47 "2012-04-13T14:42:41Z")
> [@diggerwam](#): > > My life is good and it is possible to be fulfilled w/o weekly monkey sex. Sure it is, if you \*don’t want \*weekly monkey sex. It’s \*not \*possible to be fulfilled without it if you do want it, and aren’t getting it. Sex isn’t fundamentally different from any other recreational activity. If you aren’t much of a reader, you’re not going to mind having no books in the house. If you are, that would be unbearable. ---
**Author:** ![Woeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Woeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Woeg)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/48 "2012-04-13T15:27:07Z")
I am equally astounded by people who can do without sex as they are by people like me. 😉 Sex is hugely important to me - I have an insanely high sex drive, and would love to have sex every day, if not multiple times a day. Now, married and with four kids, thats pretty unlikely, but my wife and I manage at least 3 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Thankfully, her sex drive is pretty high too. But I did spend the last seven years of my previous relationship in a near sexless hell. My ex and I would have sex maybe once a month, if I were lucky. And it really was hell. I’m not the type to cheat, and the constant rejection of advances and pent up frustrations seriously destroyed my self worth and led me into a deep depressive phase. Strangely enough, when my marriage ended, I became prety sexual active, and suddenly, my depression was gone. These days, my wife can tell if its been a week since we last messed around by my mood - and she’s awesome about bringing it back to an upswing. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/49 "2012-04-13T16:12:47Z")
I will put up with it for short a short amount of time. But I’m not going through with that again. Besides I’m too good at it to deprive the world of my skills. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/50 "2012-04-13T16:13:54Z")
“Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any” ---
**Author:** ![3waygeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e95f7d/32.png) [@3waygeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3waygeek)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/51 "2012-04-13T16:21:58Z")
Considering that I haven’t had a SO (or sex, for that matter) in \> 25 years, I’d be happy just to have a SO, even if sex weren’t part of the equation. Anyway, my heart probably isn’t up to vigorous lovemaking. I’ve had mitral valve issues for years, caused mostly by hypertrophic obstructive cardiomyopathy – basically, my left ventricle has enlarged in such a way that obstructs the outflow tract & the operation of the mitral valve. I’m supposed to have a septal myectomy in a month or so; that should improve things a bit. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/52 "2012-04-13T16:58:11Z")
I can tolerate lack of sex for a few months if there is a good reason and i can see that she is working at fixing it. I’ve had sex when i didn’t feel like it or wasn’t in the mood, and guess what after a few minutes of it you do feel like it and you do get in the mood. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496/53 "2012-04-13T17:53:24Z")
> [@2ManyTacos](#): > > I’m curious to see how people would approach this scenario. For whatever reason, your SO randomly cuts off the sex from your relationship, and you’re suddenly faced with the reality of approaching that situation. How do you deal with it? I’m married, but as it is, there are random nights when my wife and I don’t have sex. (A lot of them, actually: having a four year old really drains your energy. :)) So it sounds like this is already happening in my life. > [@](#): > > Can you soldier on in the face of a sexless relationship? OK, you mean that _for no apparent reason_, your SO brings your sex life together to a full stop for an indefinite period of time, possibly permanently. That’s different. There’s nothing random about having no sex for, say, hundreds of nights in a row. Whether or not you have sex tonight isn’t random; you’re saying it’s entirely predictable. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-randomly-cuts-off-the-sex-in-your-relationship-how-do-you-react/618496.md?page=2)