# Your spouse gets a late-night call from a coworker genuine needing rescue. Do you want them to go? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 4, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501 "2013-12-04T18:35:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/41 "2013-12-05T01:49:05Z")
I’m a married man and would probably be asked to drive my wife. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/42 "2013-12-05T01:57:07Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > I would tell Amy to call 911. Her husband has committed a crime. She may need to be hospitalized, and the police are better equipped to take care of her husband than my husband or me. Also, the police can put her in touch with a shelter, etc. Ditto. From what I’ve heard, even cops aren’t fond of domestic disputes (which this might very well be considered as one). No way am I, or my hypothetical hubby walking into a known violent situation where there’s a drunk. Let the cops handle it. If Amy wants to truly leave, they’ll be in a far better position to help her than would I. ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/43 "2013-12-05T02:16:52Z")
I’m married, but I don’t like your poll options. First, I would determine who could get to Amy faster: a cab, or us. We would pay for a cab. If we were the best option, we would go get her. Not because I don’t trust my husband, but because: 1. I’m a lawyer. I have experience with domestic violence situations. I am good in pressure situations. 2. My husband is the sweetest man alive, but he is emphatically NOT good in pressure situations. And he would not want to go alone. He would want me to go with him. 3. I don’t trust domestic abusers. When I helped extricate a friend of mine from a domestic violence situation last year, I always brought extra people with me when we went to her house. I think there is more safety in numbers. 4. I don’t trust the victims of domestic violence, either. I have some friends who worked in DV who will attest to how victims tend to turn on the people who try to intervene or help them. When I helped rescue my friend last year, she sometimes got very emotional or angry, and directed it at me. It was very beneficial to have multiple people there so one person could comfort her while another took a break, or did the driving, or gave support/backup. I don’t think any one person should try to rescue a victim of DV on their own. And I would not go on to her property to pick her up. I would insist that she meet us at the curb, so my husband and I could avoid encountering her husband. This is another reason I would go–to make sure my husband looked out for his own safety. My husband just does not think of those things until it’s too late. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Stilettos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Red\_Stilettos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Stilettos)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/44 "2013-12-05T02:40:30Z")
My partner is a cop, so he handles this type of situation frequently. I’d let him go. If he thought having a second person, maybe as a driver, I’d go along too. But knowing him, he’d probably roust up one of his coworkers if he felt he needed backup. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/45 "2013-12-05T06:05:39Z")
[In Baltimore in March of 2000, a jealous boyfriend began a killing spree that lasted 14 days and left four people dead. The first two were the people who were sheltering his girlfriend from him.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_C._Palczynski) The whole thing escalated into the boyfriend holding the girlfriend’s parents hostage for days before he was shot and killed by police. As much as I would like to help, I am not sure I would personally invite the target of a madman into my own home for shelter unless I was convinced I could keep the situation secure. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/46 "2013-12-05T06:14:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Let’s say your spouse has a young coworker, Amy, whom your spouse considers a friend. You’ve met Amy, and you do not believe either she or your spouse has romantic designs on the other. That said, your spouse does talk about Amy more than his/her other coworkers, because Amy’s clearly in a bad situation at home. From time to time she comes to work with a black eye, sprained joint, or other such injury. More than once your spouse and other co-workers have seen Amy’s husband (much larger than she) screaming and belittling her in the workplace parking lot; yesterday your spouse saw him drag Amyto the car, shove her inside, and drive off. She was crying and cringing and crying when this happened. In short, though Amy hasn’t admitted to being a battered wife, it’s pretty obvious that she is. > > On the night after the Late one night, you and your wife are awakened by a ringing phone. It’s Amy, and she’s finally ready to admit the darkness of her situation, because her husband just kicked the crap out of her. At that moment, she says, he’s passed out drunk. She left her purse at work, so she can’t call a cab; she can’t get to her car keys because they’re under his snoring body and she’s afraid to wake him. She begs your spouse to come get her, promising that she only needs a safe place for one night; as soon as she can get into the office, she can get her purse from her wallet and thus a hotel room. Amy has no family in town; your spouse is the closest thing she has to a friend. > > Do you want your spouse to go rescue Amy? Why or why not? > > Poll in a moment. Married female, would definitely want a woman in that kind of situation to get help if she needs it. I’d prefer to go along with him, strength in numbers and all that, but would be OK with him going without me if needed to help someone in danger. Involving the police as additional help would be a good move, IMO, but the victim’s going to need someone she knows and feels safe with to be around, too. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/47 "2013-12-05T07:34:09Z")
Married man, and that’s what cops are for. Of course, my actual wife would have _already_ called the cops way, _way_ before your hypothetical kicked in - at the _very_ latest, when she was dragged into the car crying, if not before. She’d also have had the local battered women’s group on the case. Failing that, _I_ would have, if it was described to me. The woman who only waits for a late night call, in the situation you describe? That’s no wife of mine. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/48 "2013-12-05T14:31:49Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Let’s say your spouse has a young coworker, Amy, whom your spouse considers a friend. You’ve met Amy, and you do not believe either she or your spouse has romantic designs on the other. That said, your spouse does talk about Amy more than his/her other coworkers, because Amy’s clearly in a bad situation at home. From time to time she comes to work with a black eye, sprained joint, or other such injury. More than once your spouse and other co-workers have seen Amy’s husband (much larger than she) screaming and belittling her in the workplace parking lot; yesterday your spouse saw him drag Amyto the car, shove her inside, and drive off. She was crying and cringing and crying when this happened. In short, though Amy hasn’t admitted to being a battered wife, it’s pretty obvious that she is. > > On the night after the Late one night, you and your wife are awakened by a ringing phone. It’s Amy, and she’s finally ready to admit the darkness of her situation, because her husband just kicked the crap out of her. At that moment, she says, he’s passed out drunk. She left her purse at work, so she can’t call a cab; she can’t get to her car keys because they’re under his snoring body and she’s afraid to wake him. She begs your spouse to come get her, promising that she only needs a safe place for one night; as soon as she can get into the office, she can get her purse from her wallet and thus a hotel room. Amy has no family in town; your spouse is the closest thing she has to a friend. > > Do you want your spouse to go rescue Amy? Why or why not? > > Poll in a moment. I go with my wife and call the police on the way, explaining the situation and requesting a car. If they say to do otherwise, then we’ll take that into consideration. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/49 "2013-12-05T14:54:32Z")
I would go with my husband, not because of any jealousy thing, but because we have a momvan so we have the room, mrAru is fairly strong and could carry luggage and I could ride shotgun with the tazer and pepper spray in case mrUgly wakes up, and I could call the police if something starts going wrong. And since we live 50-75 miles away from mrAru’s work, in a small rural town and can park the momvan in the barn so you can’t find it by driving around and looking for the van she would be harder to track down than if we lived in the same suburb that mrAru’s work is in. I also have connections with 3 different women’s shelters locally that I have volunteered in so we could get her placed fairly easily. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/50 "2013-12-05T23:27:00Z")
> [@2gigch1](#): > > As much as I would like to help, I am not sure I would personally invite the target of a madman into my own home for shelter unless I was convinced I could keep the situation secure. I helped someone in my building - across the hall - leave her abusive SO. Her first suggestion was that she just crash at my place, which I explained was a horrible idea. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/51 "2013-12-09T16:24:29Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Considering that the reason she’s giving for not taking a cab is that her purse is at work, I suggest we call her a cab, have them bring her here and we’ll pay for it. Stop being smarter than me, or the Smurfs die. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/52 "2013-12-09T16:28:16Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Stop being smarter than me, or the Smurfs die. Well, bear in mind that it may be only an _excuse_, not a reason. That is, it’s awfully awfully hard to leave an abusive partner, and sometimes you literally need someone to hold your hand while you do it. I get that, I really do. But I’m also laaaaaazy, not to mention all too aware of the other dangers mentioned in the thread. So yeah, I’d suggest the cab first, and hope she’d take us up on the offer to avoid all the rest of the drama. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/53 "2013-12-09T16:29:53Z")
Can you kill Smurfette? It would be interesting to see a _Children of Men_-esque sense of fatalistic doom descend upon the Smurf’s world. I’d actually pay to watch that. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/54 "2013-12-09T16:30:18Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Married man, and that’s what cops are for. > > Of course, my actual wife would have _already_ called the cops way, _way_ before your hypothetical kicked in - at the _very_ latest, when she was dragged into the car crying, if not before. She’d also have had the local battered women’s group on the case. Failing that, _I_ would have, if it was described to me. > > The woman who only waits for a late night call, in the situation you describe? That’s no wife of mine. Nothing in the hypothetical says that the cops were not called during the dragging incident, you know. It doesn’t say that they _were_ called, of course. But your wife could have only seen the tail end of the dragging, had to run for a phone, and been unable to supply sufficient information for the constables to find the car. Or the cops could suck. Cops often suck. And not in the good way, ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/55 "2013-12-09T16:33:04Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Can you kill Smurfette? It would be interesting to see a _Children of Men_-esque sense of fatalistic doom descend upon the Smurf’s world. > > I’d actually pay to watch that. First, it’s _Smurfs’_ world, not Smurf’s world. There’s more than one Smurf. Second, of course I can’t kill Smurfette. She’s a chick, and Rhymers don’t do violence to chicks except as allowed by the Three Exceptions. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/56 "2013-12-09T16:38:17Z")
How 'bout I knock off Smurfette for ya? Having thus proved I’m smarter than you yet again, you get free reign for carnage of the rest. Win-win. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/57 "2013-12-09T16:41:09Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > How 'bout I knock off Smurfette for ya? Having thus proved I’m smarter than you yet again, you get free reign for carnage of the rest. Win-win. Sorry, dearest, but no. “To live outside the law, you must first be honest.” If you were to kill Smurfette for me, that would be the same as me killing her myself; I just wouldn’t be admitting it, and would still be in violation of Rule 7. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/58 "2013-12-09T16:45:45Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Sorry, dearest, but no. “To live outside the law, you must first be honest.” If you were to kill Smurfette for me, that would be the same as me killing her myself; I just wouldn’t be admitting it, and would still be in violation of Rule 7. Darn it! You never let me have ANY FUN! The other evil overlords let their minions kill Smurfette!!! It’s not fair!!! Can I kill Smurfette for **JohnT** , then? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/59 "2013-12-09T16:47:27Z")
First of all, my wife calls me “Enright3 The Helper\*.” What can I say? I grew up in rural Oklahoma. When I see people need help, I try to help. I would not let my wife go in the middle of the night without me. \*Just today on my way into the office, I saw a guy walking in the rain that looked like he needed a hand for some reason. I stopped, backed up and asked if I could give him a lift somewhere. Turns out he was looking for work and had found a labor job in the area. I looked the address up and gave him a lift. It was only 3 or 4 miles out of my way. Good thing I stopped, because he was headed in the wrong direction, was two hours late already. Needless to say he was hopeful they would be understanding about the weather, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/60 "2013-12-09T16:49:36Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Darn it! You never let me have ANY FUN! The other evil overlords let their minions kill Smurfette!!! It’s not fair!!! > > Can I kill Smurfette for **JohnT** , then? 😃 I didn’t say you couldn’t kill Smurfette. I said you mayn’t kill her for ME. If I find it needful to violate Rule 7 I shan’t do it by proxy; Pallas Athena would not be impressed by such rationalization. But if _you_ find it needful or even amusing to stomp the entire Smurf village, including Smurfette and Sassette, into blue paste, I shall of course defend you against Johann and Pewee when they come looking for justice, 'cause you’re on the short list. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501.md?page=4)