# Your spouse gets a late-night call from a coworker genuine needing rescue. Do you want them to go? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 4, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501 "2013-12-04T18:35:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/61 "2013-12-09T17:00:43Z")
YAAAAAAY! **JohnT** , as soon as you get me a map to Smurf Village, I’m on it! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/62 "2013-12-09T17:04:16Z")
But but but… Not having read why are we killing the second most-iconic 20th-century blonde, and since I didn’t think of taxis (in my village there is only one; right now I’m in a much bigger place where it’s plumb impossible to get one at night), I’d come with the hubby. I mean, I can have a hypothetical hubby, right? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/63 "2013-12-09T17:12:17Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > But but but… > > Not having read why are we killing the second most-iconic 20th-century blonde, and since I didn’t think of taxis (in my village there is only one; right now I’m in a much bigger place where it’s plumb impossible to get one at night), I’d come with the hubby. I mean, I can have a hypothetical hubby, right? I didn’t think of taxis either. Memphis has them, but they congregate at the airport, the Greyhound station (which is about a mile from the airport) and downtown. If you live in, say, Whitehaven or Frayser or even Midtown, calling for a cab at 2 in the morning is pointless. According to the duty roster, **WhyNot** is in charge of meting out hypothetical spouses, so you will have to ask her if you want one. Who’s the _most_ iconic 20th-century blonde? I can think of at least two possibilities: Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/64 "2013-12-09T17:13:24Z")
MM of course. **WhyNot** , can I use The Bestest Boyfriend as “hypothetical spouse”? He’s big and does “looming” well, would come in handy for rescue situations so long as they didn’t take place in the morning (he’s definitely Not a Morning Person). ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/65 "2013-12-09T17:19:07Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > MM of course. > **WhyNot** , can I use The Bestest Boyfriend as “hypothetical spouse”? He’s big and does “looming” well, would come in handy for rescue situations so long as they didn’t take place in the morning (he’s definitely Not a Morning Person). Absolutely. I will henceforth imagine him as [Olaf](http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/Olaf), who would definitely be someone I’d want on my side of a rescue situation. (I cannot explain why the Smurfs in general or Smurfette in particular have always made me feel smurfy. Uh, smashy.) ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/66 "2013-12-09T17:31:14Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Absolutely. I will henceforth imagine him as [Olaf](http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/Olaf), who would definitely be someone I’d want on my side of a rescue situation. > > (I cannot explain why the Smurfs in general or Smurfette in particular have always made me feel smurfy. Uh, smashy.) Have you younger siblings, cousins, nieces, or nephews who insisted on watching the show all the time? My youngest sister is ten years my junior. Between her and our two oldest nieces (2 and 3 years younger than Baby Sis), the 15-year-old babysitting Skald watched enough episodes of Smurfs, He-Man, She-Ra, and a fourth sickly-sweet cartoon whose name I can’t remember that I too get all stabby at the mention of them. Well, the first three. Obviously the fourth one doesn’t elicit the reaction. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/67 "2013-12-09T17:33:54Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > First, it’s _Smurfs’_ world, not Smurf’s world. There’s more than one Smurf. Eh, they’re all part of one evil Hive Mind. You _know_ this. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/68 "2013-12-09T17:34:56Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Darn it! You never let me have ANY FUN! The other evil overlords let their minions kill Smurfette!!! It’s not fair!!! > > Can I kill Smurfette for **JohnT** , then? 😃 Please? Christmas is coming! :eager: > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I didn’t say you couldn’t kill Smurfette. I said you mayn’t kill her for ME. If I find it needful to violate Rule 7 I shan’t do it by proxy; Pallas Athena would not be impressed by such rationalization. But if _you_ find it needful or even amusing to stomp the entire Smurf village, including Smurfette and Sassette, into blue paste, I shall of course defend you against Johann and Pewee when they come looking for justice, 'cause you’re on the short list. YES! ---
**Author:** ![llcoolbj77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb9ed0/32.png) [@llcoolbj77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llcoolbj77)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/69 "2013-12-09T17:59:57Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Married man, and that’s what cops are for. > > Of course, my actual wife would have _already_ called the cops way, _way_ before your hypothetical kicked in - at the _very_ latest, when she was dragged into the car crying, if not before. She’d also have had the local battered women’s group on the case. Failing that, _I_ would have, if it was described to me. > > The woman who only waits for a late night call, in the situation you describe? That’s no wife of mine. This. Cops would have been called the second I saw what even appeared to be an abduction. My brother works at a domestic violence shelter, and its location is a closely guarded secret for a reason. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/70 "2013-12-09T21:41:10Z")
I’m unmarried, but if I were, I would encourage my wife to go, and I would insist on going with her. I’ve had more than my fair share of exposure to abusive relationships, and when the abused person is finally ready to get out of it, it’s important to be there to provide the support so that person doesn’t just fall back into the cycle. Yes, the cops should be called, but they won’t be able to give her the support she needs to actually finally leave. If she can get out of the house without incident, then it may be best to jump on that opportunity and have the cops present when she’s picking up her stuff. That’s why my hypothetical wife would need to be there. The reason I’d insist on being there is both to help show some solidarity and, considering the OP states the guy is a big guy, there’s no way I’d send my hypothetical wife into a situation like that. I’m considerably bigger and stronger than most guys myself, and typically the sorts of guys that would be abusive aren’t going to start something with someone their size or bigger. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/71 "2013-12-09T22:01:01Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > The reason I’d insist on being there is both to help show some solidarity and, considering the OP states the guy is a big guy, there’s no way I’d send my hypothetical wife into a situation like that. I’m considerably bigger and stronger than most guys myself, and typically the sorts of guys that would be abusive aren’t going to start something with someone their size or bigger. Nitpick: I think the OP actually says that the abusive husband is bigger than Amy, which doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a big guy. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/72 "2013-12-10T01:38:41Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > This is why my answer is we both go. If Amy is my wife’s co-worker, I’m not sending her alone to face a man already prone to violence, especially towards women. If Amy’s my co-worker, having my spouse along will help defuse things on multiple fronts - it reassures the Mrs. nothing’s going on with me and Amy, it tells Amy’s spouse the same (assuming he regains consciousness), and it forestalls Amy getting any ideas while things are emotionally charged. Agreed to all of this. > [@JohnT](#): > > I go with my wife and call the police on the way, explaining the situation and requesting a car. If they say to do otherwise, then we’ll take that into consideration. This is what I’d do, too - meet the police at the house so we can support Amy for whatever she needs, and the police can handle the dangerous parts. I’ve heard the police here say more than once that they WANT people to call them for these situations - they’re trained and ready to handle these situations, and the last thing they want is me and my husband getting hurt trying to help Amy. Amy doesn’t want the police called? Too bad. A crime has been committed - they’re getting called. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/73 "2013-12-10T02:04:09Z")
If the cops were called an a report was taken, I would support my wife in helping her. I am willing to do this ONCE and only ONCE. If she goes back to him and calls back with the same sob story, I will not provide my support. Of course, I imagine my hypothetical wife to be her own person and she may very well decide to help her against my wishes anyway. There’s not really much I can do about that. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/74 "2013-12-10T03:21:46Z")
The cab would be good, but a person who has been physically battered by a partner has also been emotionally battered. Having someone who invests him/herself personally goes a long way toward regaining self respect. My answer: for a co-worker / friend of either of us, both of us will go. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/75 "2013-12-10T06:46:15Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > I would tell Amy to call 911. Her husband has committed a crime. She may need to be hospitalized, and the police are better equipped to take care of her husband than my husband or me. Also, the police can put her in touch with a shelter, etc. This. If Amy can call my wife, she can also call 911. And she should. Immediately. Amy calling us is problematic. Obviously I’m not going to let my wife go alone, but if I go, it is likely that I could see things that could make me a potential witness. If I’m a potential witness, then I shouldn’t also act as an attorney in the case…and Amy needs to be in front of a Judge getting a protective order in the morning, and depending on the severity of her injuries possibly talking to the DA as well. If there is another resource available for the immediate situation, I think it would likely be better for Amy in the long run to have me represent her. Then again, reasoning with a recently traumatized victim is sometimes difficult. It it has to be, we’ll go get Amy. I can probably call in a favor to get her represented at a price she can afford if I have to… ---
**Author:** ![48Willys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/db5fbb/32.png) [@48Willys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/48Willys)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/76 "2013-12-10T09:29:18Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Married man, and that’s what cops are for. > > Of course, my actual wife would have _already_ called the cops way, _way_ before your hypothetical kicked in - at the _very_ latest, when she was dragged into the car crying, if not before. She’d also have had the local battered women’s group on the case. Failing that, _I_ would have, if it was described to me. > > The woman who only waits for a late night call, in the situation you describe? That’s no wife of mine. My wife also would have intervened already. So for Skald’s hypothetical late night phone call… Been there done that (more then once). Cops get the call, so does the battered woman shelter. I know the local authorities well enough to know that they do their jobs well. If there are kids, as much as I distrust child services, they also get a call. My wife and I go to the scene and transport Amy (and her kids) to the shelter. Yes, I know its location. We may stay at the shelter with her for emotional support, but we are not headshrinkers, and that is one of the things she needs right now. In my community, she can not drop the charges sense she did not levy them. There is a real possibility that she will go back to him. I will help people out of this kind of situation ONCE, not twice, and certainly not thrice! I will spend my energy on someone that I can actually help. If Amy does go back, then SHE is on her own. If there are kids, I will watch out for them. I will even spy on Mr ugly to keep these kid out of this abusive situation. I will report domestic violence if I see it. I can not understand staying with an abuser. I think that folks that do are insane. I choose to not hang out with crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/77 "2013-12-10T11:01:19Z")
I’m surprised at the amount of people that say they would call the cops for Amy. IMHO, if Amy isn’t willing to call the cops herself, then Amy isn’t ready for help. I get that leaving an abusive relationship is hard, but the very first step one must take towards healing in this situation, is calling the damn cops and NOT dropping the damn charges after you’ve done so. I acknowledge kids makes this a rather grey area. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/78 "2013-12-10T13:46:09Z")
I’m a married woman, and I’d suggest that either we both go, or I go. Couple of reasons: 1. Amy might feel safer with a female along given that a male has just brutalized her 2. If they got pulled over en route to a hotel or shelter or whatever, and the police saw male + battered female, they might arrest first and ask questions later 3. While I trust my husband, I do NOT know Amy all that well (at all?), and male alone with fragile and possibly vulnerable female might arouse feelings and actions in one or both parties that could range anywhere from uncomfortable to life-altering. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/79 "2013-12-10T18:10:24Z")
Having been raised by parents who liked to fight this way, I would never be friends with such a flake. If my boyfriend was friends with a flake like Amy, I would insist that he not go, and call the cops instead. He’d probably go anyway (because he’s loyal like that), and we’d get into a bracing (but non-violent) row once he got home. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501/80 "2013-12-10T18:24:27Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Having been raised by parents who liked to fight this way, I would never be friends with such a flake. If my boyfriend was friends with a flake like Amy, I would insist that he not go, and call the cops instead. He’d probably go anyway (because he’s loyal like that), and we’d get into a bracing (but non-violent) row once he got home. I am … bothered … that you think the victims of domestic violence are necessarily “flakes.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-spouse-gets-a-late-night-call-from-a-coworker-genuine-needing-rescue-do-you-want-them-to-go/675501.md?page=5)