# Your tales of run-ins with sociopaths/psychopaths **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 29, 2016, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698 "2016-06-29T13:40:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/21 "2016-06-29T19:08:04Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > The scary thing about that is that he really WAS with the county inspection office. I thought he was a dog catcher in a suburb of Wichita, but with a uniform and city vehicle. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/22 "2016-06-29T20:55:27Z")
I found [this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201305/confessions-sociopath) written by a sociopath to be extremely interesting and insightful. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/23 "2016-06-29T21:35:44Z")
> [@Me\_Billy](#): > > Superficial charm, grandiosity, pathological lying, manipulation, callousness, lack of remorse, shallowness, does not accept responsibility, impulsivity, sensation seeking, irresponsibility, and can’t follow rules. But that’s enough about me; what do _you_ think about me? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/24 "2016-06-30T01:48:57Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Not me, but a friend of ours that lives in a rural area outside of Wichita, KS, had a man knock on her front door claiming that he was with the county inspection office and needed to inspect their mechanical room in their basement. This happened in 1999. He first asked if her husband was home. She asked him what his name was and what county agency he was with. He asked again if her husband was home. While the man was on her front porch with the storm door locked, she attempted to call the county just as her husband pulled into their driveway. The man jumped their porch railing, ran to his truck hopped in and sped off. It was a bit unnerving, but they dismissed it. > > Fast forward about 5 years, when BTK was arrested and shown on TV, our friend realized that was the man on her front porch back in 1999. :eek: I think this one wins the thread. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/25 "2016-06-30T05:04:54Z")
I’ve crossed paths with a few people who, upon meeting them, seemed to be the type who would do anything for you - and they would, only so they could worm their way into your life and do anything TO you. Many years ago, I had a boss who was thought of as da bomb by all the hospital bigshots, because she brown-nosed them, but was universally disliked by anyone else who knew her, a fact to which she was completely oblivious. (I’ve told the following story here before) I worked there for 4 months, until she found an excuse to fire me, after which two doctors told me I probably had PTSD, and several years later, she was in a near-fatal car accident. When this was announced at the local pharmacy association meeting, most people who knew her laughed, and NOBODY signed her get-well card. :eek: After she recovered, she had the newspaper and TV stations do big stories on her, and I heard from more than one person that at least one reporter’s e-mail box crashed because of the volume of response, all of it negative. I heard she retired on disability and moved away. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/26 "2016-06-30T08:07:06Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > What’s wrong with me? I cannot recall ever interacting with the type of person described above. If 2% or 4% of people qualify, then one person in each 25 to 50 that I encounter must be a sociopath. Is it possible that there is something about me that tells them I am not the victim type? Well, you’ve never triggered Mister Hyde (that’s a good thing, akin to “you’ve never had shingles”). That requires not only “not the victim type” but also “never managed to be alone with one at the right/wrong time” and “never were in a position where one had enough leverage to fuck you up no matter how inherently strong you are”. There may also have been cases when Mister Hyde was attacking others close to you but you didn’t see it; perhaps you scare Hyde so much that he never comes out in front of you (you give off Superman vibes, dude! The good Supes, I mean). Smart psychopaths spend the immense majority of the time in their Doctor Jekyll mode: charming, nice, helpful, well-connected… Mister Hyde only comes out occasionally, and only in private\* - that’s one of the differences between a smart psychopath and one who is not. Those who have never met a specific Jekyll’s Mister Hyde will never believe that “such a nice guy!” can and will turn rabid under the right (wrong) circumstances. I know one non-relative who met my grandfather’s Mister Hyde, but hundreds who only ever met his Doctor Jekyll; some of my relatives have met Hyde but only in glimpses, so they’ve managed to mostly forget it or file it under “a one-time thing” or “that’s unacceptable now but things were different back then”. When I read/hear speeches raving about what a helpful fellow he was I want to upchuck my last ten years’ worth of meals; those who’ve only met Doctor Jekyll agree with the speeches (logically, but knowing that it’s logic doesn’t help settle my stomach). - This may mean there is only him and the target present, or that other people present cannot do anything. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/27 "2016-06-30T14:16:07Z")
That makes sense, but the 2%-4% figure seems high to me, too. Can anyone briefly explain how they came up with those numbers? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/28 "2016-06-30T14:46:44Z")
After Ann Rule wrote The Stranger Beside Me, she heard from women who thought they had run-ins with Ted Bundy for the rest of her life. She believed some of the tales were true, as Bundy probably approached many women who thought to fight and/or get away from him. Bundy was a total Jeckyll and Hyde. Rule didn’t believe he was capable of such acts until one day when after visiting Bundy in prison, she had a dream where she tried to rescue a baby that had been run over, only to realize it was a demon baby who didn’t deserve to live. For all of his charm in the court room, one day when he tried to leave in a fit of anger, a court baliff blocked his way and a photographer captured his [Hyde](https://www.google.com/search?q=ted+bundy+angry+photo&safe=strict&biw=1185&bih=521&tbm=isch&imgil=_liRkg43dPQUCM%253A%253BrJ9uevHu3Y3vhM%253Bhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fblogs.sun-sentinel.com%25252Fcrime-and-safety%25252F2011%25252F08%25252F04%25252Fserial-killers-dna-entered-into-database%25252F&source=iu&pf=m&fir=_liRkg43dPQUCM%253A%252CrJ9uevHu3Y3vhM%252C_&usg=__uhuavlTtvg8hU8_0HNpJqUJUV3E%3D&ved=0ahUKEwiTk5GE_s_NAhXE7SYKHd_XB0gQyjcIOw&ei=yy91V9OBBMTbmwHfr5_ABA#imgrc=_liRkg43dPQUCM%3A) side–the side a lot of women saw as their last vision before death. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/29 "2016-06-30T14:53:21Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I think my mother is one. Growing up she literally seemed unable to realize me and my siblings existed unless she wanted something from us. She was supposed to be everything in our lives like some sort of god and we weren’t supposed to exist without her. That’s a narcissist, not a sociopath. Narcissists are also manipulative but more to the end goal of glorifying themselves or creating drama centered around them to increase their sense of empathy and connection. The key characteristic of a sociopath is the lack of empathy or conscience, resulting in a disregard for the rights or feelings of others. > [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > What’s wrong with me? I cannot recall ever interacting with the type of person described above. If 2% or 4% of people qualify, then one person in each 25 to 50 that I encounter must be a sociopath. Is it possible that there is something about me that tells them I am not the victim type? It’s a combination of overestimating who really qualifies as a sociopath (the common estimate of 3% of men and 1% of women does not, in fact, add up to 4% of the population) combined with lumping all sociopathic behaviors into one bucket. Not all sociopaths are outwardly manipulative, have conduct or impulse control problems, or are otherwise engaged in inherently destructive social or professional behavior, and many people who exhibit such behaviors are not sociopaths but instead fall into other categories of impulse and personality disorders (borderline, narcissistic, histronic, dependant) but not a lack of empathy. And if a sociopath wants nothing from or of you, they may have no particular reason to exhibit such behaviors to you and will just seem like a normal person. It is also the case that sociopaths (and to a certain extent, people with other personality disorders) will gravitate toward certain vocations and social groups; if you don’t deal with criminals, cooks, or lawyers on a regular basis you’ll probably see less than the statistics of the general population would indicate. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/30 "2016-06-30T17:18:44Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > That’s a narcissist, not a sociopath. Narcissists are also manipulative but more to the end goal of glorifying themselves or creating drama centered around them to increase their sense of empathy and connection. The key characteristic of a sociopath is the lack of empathy or conscience, resulting in a disregard for the rights or feelings of others. That was my mother completely, we could starve, but as long as she got her way that was acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/31 "2016-06-30T17:48:01Z")
My ex-wife, who manipulated people with sympathy and gaslighting, ever playing the martyr. My last boss, who was the heroic savior of the company who took all credit for everything and was the worst micromanager I have ever encountered. We could not make even the most basic of decisions, they all had to be made by him. In his last conversation with be on his last day, he told me this little story (common enough for him, that way he could claim he never told you what he was clearly telling you) about how his team’s job was to make him look like a hero. He had the Superman logo above his desk and on the front of his camper, because that is the image he wanted to present. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/32 "2016-06-30T20:48:17Z")
My former boss’s boss is a sociopath. He tried to manipulate everyone in that company including me. I never let him and he had a problem with women so we didn’t get along very well. I don’t know what he expected to accomplish with all the manipulation. The breaking point came when he took an axe to a closed door with about ten employees in the room behind it. I called 911, got out of the building and never looked back. No one was hurt and no charges were brought against him but the company failed soon after. It had so much potential to be successful except that guy brought it all down. What a freak. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/33 "2016-06-30T21:54:19Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > People who don’t get that everything doesn’t revolve around them, that the way they see things is the only way, and that people have a right to do things any other way but their way. > > I’ve known a few. One agent got pissed off at our real estate broker and turned over his desk on the side while the broker was sitting at it. When the broker was screaming “Get the fuck out of here,” the psychopath went to his office and proceeded to go to work like nothing had happened. I had to call the cops to get him escorted out of the office. > > In court, he claimed “self-defense.” The judge didn’t buy it. > > What’s your tale? Just curious: Did that agent also steal from the company, and hide his tracks exceptionally well? Sociopaths are often very good at that. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/34 "2016-06-30T22:17:58Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I’ve crossed paths with a few people who, upon meeting them, seemed to be the type who would do anything for you - and they would, only so they could worm their way into your life and do anything TO you. Responding to my own post: This perfectly described a man I worked with in college who seemed like one of the nicest people we’d ever known. Someone, and I cannot for the life of me remember who, told me that he had beaten up his girlfriend more than once, and I totally did not believe that until he displayed his true colors. Without going into further details, which I would rather not remember because it had to do with something I said to him, I completely believed it then, and do now. Out of curiosity, I Googled him a few years ago, and found out that not only did they get married, they are partners in the same law office! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2016, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/35 "2016-06-30T22:44:53Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I think my mother is one. Growing up she literally seemed unable to realize me and my siblings existed unless she wanted something from us. She was supposed to be everything in our lives like some sort of god and we weren’t supposed to exist without her. That sounds more like Narcissistic personality disorder than sociopathy. The cluster B personality disorders are hell for the people around them (as well as the person suffering sometimes, especially people with BPD). A sociopath would be indifferent to their kids, a narcissist would use their kids as props to fuel their own ego. That is my impression. > **[Personality disorder](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cluster_B_personality_disorders)** > > Personality disorders (PD) are a class of mental disorders characterized by enduring maladaptive patterns of behavior, cognition, and inner experience, exhibited across many contexts and deviating from those accepted by the individual's culture. These patterns develop early, are inflexible, and are associated with significant distress or disability. The definitions vary by source and remain a matter of controversy. Official criteria for diagnosing personality disorders are listed in t Personal... ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2016, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/36 "2016-07-01T00:04:51Z")
> [@Me\_Billy](#): > > Superficial charm, grandiosity, pathological lying, manipulation, callousness, lack of remorse, shallowness, does not accept responsibility, impulsivity, sensation seeking, irresponsibility, and can’t follow rules. Presidential Timber, from a certain point of view. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2016, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/37 "2016-07-01T02:26:47Z")
I knew one who was, not surprisingly, the boss of a telemarketing phone room. He took most of the money and often his employees didn’t get paid. He’d just say someone else working for the company had stolen the money. He wasn’t exactly slick and charming, but if you didn’t know him well he seemed like a nice amiable guy. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2016, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/38 "2016-07-01T02:35:01Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > I know one non-relative who met my grandfather’s Mister Hyde, but hundreds who only ever met his Doctor Jekyll; some of my relatives have met Hyde but only in glimpses, so they’ve managed to mostly forget it or file it under “a one-time thing” or “that’s unacceptable now but things were different back then”. When I read/hear speeches raving about what a helpful fellow he was I want to upchuck my last ten years’ worth of meals; those who’ve only met Doctor Jekyll agree with the speeches (logically, but knowing that it’s logic doesn’t help settle my stomach). > > - This may mean there is only him and the target present, or that other people present cannot do anything. Why would speeches about your grandfather exist and be in writing? Was he a politician or some other public figure? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2016, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/39 "2016-07-01T06:37:11Z")
He was a soccer referee for over 65 years. While he didn’t referee for all that time (eventually he became an “evaluator” and worked at the ref’s office), you don’t have to be running up and down a field to count as one. Both his job as an evaluator and the one at the office gave him a lot of leverage to scratch or rip other ref’s backs. If you’re good to Grampa… Grampa is good to you. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2016, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698/40 "2016-07-01T07:46:09Z")
A friend was married to a guy who was pretty much a sociopath, in that he just didn’t seem to have normal human emotions. Every once in awhile something would completely baffle him. Like: their daughter said fireworks scared her, he set them off anyway, she wouldn’t speak to him. For days. He could NOT understand that. He was very smart and he could certainly ACT guilty, if it benefited him somehow.\* He could also be very charming. He did not care about breaking rules and thought of most of society’s laws as, well, recommendations. Or things meant for other people, not him. Oddly enough, after they divorced he got religion. Remarried, became a Baptist, didn’t pay his child support. (\*But then…when the dog trainer said that dogs don’t really feel guilty, they just ACT guilty, I myself didn’t understand what the difference was. Because the truth is, I don’t feel much guilt, myself. But I don’t think I’m a sociopath because I’m not charming.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-tales-of-run-ins-with-sociopaths-psychopaths/758698.md?page=3)