# Your Thoughts On This Minor Marital Dispute (Giving An 8 Year Old Too Much Information?) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 7, 2020, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587 "2020-02-07T15:16:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/41 "2020-02-14T20:14:07Z")
> [@tricoteuse](#): > > I was around the same age when my family went to a big picnic at somebody’s cabin in the woods. There was no plumbing so they had an outhouse. One of my mother’s friends took me to use it and she explained that it was too far away to have water pipes so it was like olden times out there. It was no problem at all. The adults were way more worried about the well. It had a little shed built over it but the door didn’t lock so they were afraid one of us would get in and fall. My mom tells a story that, back in her youth, my uncle somehow fell into the outhouse (he was pulled out and cleaned up, much to my mother’s relief at the time), so they were perhaps worried about the wrong thing. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/42 "2020-02-14T20:25:19Z")
Wow. There’s some serious puritanical American prudishness bullshit showing in this thread. It’s completely baffling to me. Take the kid into the bathroom and show her what it’s for and how it operates. What the fuck is the problem with that? If she wants to use it, go right ahead. That’s what it’s the fuck for! What the fuck is wrong with some of you? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/43 "2020-02-14T20:26:11Z")
> [@iamthewalrus\_3](#): > > I’m a parent, and I think there’s a lot of pearl clutching going on in society in general about this sort of thing. It’s silly. > > I mean, come on. Little kids get their diapers changed by lots of people. Kids being potty trained need an adult to wipe their butt for them for a while. Then after that you need to remind them to wipe their butts, and instruct them on how to do it. Don’t be embarrassed about bodies. Just be matter of fact. > > There’s zero reason to be afraid of someone describing a bidet in simple straightforward language. We have one in our house, and if a kid asked about it, I’d say “It’s called a bidet. It’s to help clean your bottom after you poop.” Like, they get it that butts have to be cleaned. We don’t have to be such prudes. Exactly. I am a parent, and if for some reason I didn’t trust you to tell the Sprout what a bidet is, I would definitely not trust you to babysit. (A babysitter better be able to talk about pooping. Either in case an accident happens (possible even at eight years), or to help prevent one). ---
**Author:** ![eschrodinger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschrodinger/32/122_2.png) [@eschrodinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschrodinger)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/44 "2020-02-14T22:18:50Z")
Filmore, if you changed babysitters over this, how would you explain that to your kid? I can’t imagine a way in which that would be a healthy conversation, but maybe you’ll surprise me. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/45 "2020-02-14T22:25:54Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > OK, I’m not a parent, never have been, never will be. But when I read these two posts I feel very sad. Is the world such a threatening place for an 8-year-old girl that this attitude is appropriate? I hate to think so. Ah, it’s, um, not such a threatening place as suggested by filmore. I think he’s just having a hard time distinguishing between a baby sitter and Rando, the washroom guy. > [@Quercus](#): > > … if for some reason I didn’t trust you to tell the Sprout what a bidet is, I would definitely not trust you to babysit. This. FFS this is an eye-opening thread. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/46 "2020-02-14T23:20:22Z")
I can’t even figure out what is acceptable to **filmore** - he doesn’t want anyone talking to kids about bodily functions other than him or his wife. I can understand that , to a point. But if “potential grooming behavior” includes the babysitter explaining that a bidet is used for cleaning up after using the toilet, then I expect **filmore** has gone far behind the point that is reasonable, and would object to a doctor asking questions about body functions or a teacher explaining menstruation when his daughter get her period unexpectedly young , before her mother has explained things to her. And if even saying " It’s a bidet, ask your parents what it’s used for" is too much, then I guess the only acceptable thing is for the babysitter not to have anything \*\*filmore’\*\*s kid might ask about. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/47 "2020-02-14T23:29:54Z")
Add me to those baffled why there needs to be some sort of formal introduction between the kid and a new home appliance. If it were me, I wouldn’t mention any changes to the bathroom unless the kid, as kids do, said something like “what’s that?” And if the kid did, I’d respond with, “It’s a bidet. Popular in Europe. It squirts water to help you clean after you go the bathroom. It’s not a water fountain.” We’d probably laugh at the last part. I don’t think that any of that is beyond the capacity of a kid. > [@Filmore](#): > > …What I might consider appropriate for the bidet is if the wife told the kid “It’s called a bidet. You should ask your parents to explain what it is.” And then the wife should tell the parents that their child asked about it. But to be honest, I probably would be worried and might consider using a different babysitter. Nothing against the OP, but I wouldn’t want to have that doubt. This is weirdly paranoid. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/48 "2020-02-14T23:43:03Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Yes, seriously, I don’t understand the prudishness here. Also she’s 8 not 3. Most 8 year olds have perfectly functioning brains if you try and engage them. > > Do you get equally embarrassed about toilet paper? I’m thoroughly confused as well. Even a 3-year-old could understand it. It’s a thing to clean your butt. There’s nothing “naughty” or intriguing about it, and it wouldn’t even occur to me to talk to the 8-year-old’s parents about it. I would just tell her it’s a butt washer. (ETA: And, yes, I am a parent to two kids under that age, and I would have no issue somebody explaining to them what a bidet is.) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/49 "2020-02-14T23:46:28Z")
Just print out instructions and tape it to the wall or set it on the toilet lid. No other communication needed. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/50 "2020-02-15T00:32:00Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > As a parent, I do not want anyone other that me or my wife talking to my kids about bodily functions, intimate areas, or anything like that. I don’t want to normalize having other adults talking about that stuff in any way for the kid. Kids won’t know the difference between a helpful adult and a pedo trying to groom them. I want it to be a hard line that doesn’t get crossed. That’s just something I’m going to be super protective and proactive about because I don’t want to take any chances. > > What I might consider appropriate for the bidet is if the wife told the kid “It’s called a bidet. You should ask your parents to explain what it is.” And then the wife should tell the parents that their child asked about it. But to be honest, I probably would be worried and might consider using a different babysitter. Nothing against the OP, but I wouldn’t want to have that doubt. _[Everybody Poops](https://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Turtleback-School-Library-Binding/dp/0613685725)_ :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/51 "2020-02-15T00:58:11Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > _[Everybody Poops](https://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Turtleback-School-Library-Binding/dp/0613685725)_ > :rolleyes: New REM song. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/52 "2020-02-15T01:17:45Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > As a parent, I do not want anyone other that me or my wife talking to my kids about bodily functions, intimate areas, or anything like that. I don’t want to normalize having other adults talking about that stuff in any way for the kid. Kids won’t know the difference between a helpful adult and a pedo trying to groom them. I want it to be a hard line that doesn’t get crossed. That’s just something I’m going to be super protective and proactive about because I don’t want to take any chances. > > What I might consider appropriate for the bidet is if the wife told the kid “It’s called a bidet. You should ask your parents to explain what it is.” And then the wife should tell the parents that their child asked about it. But to be honest, I probably would be worried and might consider using a different babysitter. Nothing against the OP, but I wouldn’t want to have that doubt. Why would you be worried because the home now has a bidet? Is it the phrase “butthole washer” that causes you concerns? I don’t think that was intended to be serious. Bidets are very uncommon in the UK too, but I wouldn’t be in the slightest bit worried about my child having a childminder that had one. Most childcarers do have to talk to the kids they’re looking after about bodily functions sometimes - it’s part of the job. I suppose it would be a good idea to let the parents know that the toilet now has a bidet attachment, and though you’re not going to especially encourage her to use it, she might decide to at some point, since she’s eight and capable of going to the bathroom by herself. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/53 "2020-02-15T01:38:15Z")
At 8-years-old, I’m guessing the kid’s reaction to a bidet is going to be Beavis & Butthead style giggling. (Good god, at that age, didn’t most of us laugh with our friends over bodily functions and the like?) ---
**Author:** ![eschrodinger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschrodinger/32/122_2.png) [@eschrodinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschrodinger)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/54 "2020-02-15T03:37:33Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Ah, it’s, um, not such a threatening place as suggested by filmore. I think he’s just having a hard time distinguishing between a baby sitter and Rando, the washroom guy. > This. FFS this is an eye-opening thread. I think filmore is way off base, but in fairness, a kid is way more likely to be hurt or molested by someone their parents left them in the care of than by “Rando, the washroom guy.” As a parent, I am vigilant about people who make me or my kid uncomfortable, and I keep my eyes open, and have very open communication with my kids. I’m not concerned about appropriate talk about bodily functions, but I might be concerned about a conversation about clothing, or a seemingly innocent game that involved ignoring the kid’s protests. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/55 "2020-02-15T04:20:31Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > As a parent, I do not want anyone other that me or my wife talking to my kids about bodily functions, intimate areas, or anything like that. I don’t want to normalize having other adults talking about that stuff in any way for the kid. Kids won’t know the difference between a helpful adult and a pedo trying to groom them. I want it to be a hard line that doesn’t get crossed. That’s just something I’m going to be super protective and proactive about because I don’t want to take any chances. > > What I might consider appropriate for the bidet is if the wife told the kid “It’s called a bidet. You should ask your parents to explain what it is.” And then the wife should tell the parents that their child asked about it. But to be honest, I probably would be worried and might consider using a different babysitter. Nothing against the OP, but I wouldn’t want to have that doubt. If my wife or I were babysitting your kid I would hope that you would quickly find a replacement. Too much liability to deal with parents who freak out about having a bidet in their house or are terrified of someone saying the word “bathroom” to children. Were I explaining a bidet to a child, I’d say that some people use them to wash themselves after going to the bathroom and I’d welcome the paernts to to fire us. The whole point about teaching teaching between “good touching” and “bad touching” is that not all touching is bad. A one time explanation about a toilet is so far removed from pedo grooming that it’s silly. Bidets or washlets as they are called in Japan are ubiquitous. Everyone has them which may be one reason I just see this as something silly. The last time I lived in a house without a bidet was 10 years ago and we have had ma ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/56 "2020-02-15T07:17:30Z")
What, did you drown in the bidet? _tap_ _tap_ Dude? ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/57 "2020-02-15T09:10:07Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Wow. There’s some serious puritanical American prudishness bullshit showing in this thread. It’s completely baffling to me. I was just about to skip to the end and post that this is the most uniquely American thread I’ve encountered in quite some time. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/58 "2020-02-15T12:37:26Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > _[Everybody Poops](https://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Turtleback-School-Library-Binding/dp/0613685725)_ > :rolleyes: [Maybe filmore is Catholic](https://youtube.com/watch?v=g5XI0taMNu4). ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/59 "2020-02-15T12:56:52Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Got it on the first try! Maybe I should have been a plumber… Well there’s your answer. Whenever the babysitee is coming over, you dismantle and hide the shameful device. Later you reinstall it. No-one need ever know what goes on in the Homie home. Except us. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587/60 "2020-02-15T13:14:32Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > She (Mrs. Homie) says that we should tell “Coraline” that the attachment is Never To Be Touched, Never To Be Asked About. With any luck, she’ll lose interest and won’t touch it or ask about it. What is the fascination with my Forbidden Closet of Mystery? [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/vDRAXlNYZB4/maxresdefault.jpg "The Simpsons This Little Wiggy") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDRAXlNYZB4) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-thoughts-on-this-minor-marital-dispute-giving-an-8-year-old-too-much-information/847587.md?page=4)