# Your worst examples of corporate jargon, buzzwords, and/or gobbledygook that you've encountered (New Thread) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2025, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943 "2025-06-21T18:19:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2025, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/21 "2025-06-24T13:00:02Z")
In their continuing need to pretend management is a science, the babbling class tries to incorporate engineering terms into their BS-speak. “Bandwidth”, “time-frame”, etc. At my company, some management nitwit discovered the word “Aperture”. Having little understanding of the word’s meaning, the useless class all began trying to outdo one another, and fit this new gem into their babble. The best example was one of them on a company-wide webcast, gushing that we should “Open our apertures for the good of the corporation!” Not sure if this is the worst example, or the best. But it was sure as hell entertaining. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2025, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/22 "2025-06-24T13:12:11Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > A company might screw on the tops of toothpaste tubes, but their website will have stock pictures of good looking people in an office smiling at each other and will say they are synergizing technology or something, before telling me all about their DEI / green initiatives I couldn’t help thinking of Better Off Ted and Veridian Dynamics: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/rB7QqRdP5qE/maxresdefault.jpg "Veridian Dynamics: Greening Our World Commercial") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB7QqRdP5qE) ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2025, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/23 "2025-06-24T13:15:55Z")
I was at a get-together many years ago that happened to be hosted by an automotive engineer and his wife, so several of his auto engineer friends were there as well. I don’t remember the exact details, but one of them was telling a story of a certain auto company that had a problem with gas tanks that had a tendency to explode. One of the engineers was making an official report on the problem, and to play down the perceived seriousness of the problem, his manager told him to put in the report that the gas tanks had a tendency, not to _explode_, but to ‘rapidly expand’. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2025, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/24 "2025-06-24T14:34:20Z")
When a Space-X rocket explodes, they call it a [rapid unscheduled disassembly](https://www.npr.org/2025/06/19/g-s1-73578/spacex-rocket-test-texas-explodes) ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2025, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/25 "2025-06-24T14:41:08Z")
> [@mtnmatt](#): > > But this week, some junior colleague started describing what we’d come to understand after an exercise as **“the learns.”** My god. Good fucking Jesus H. Christ. Every time I hear “learnings” in a corporate environment I have tried to tell them there is a perfect English word for “things you learn” and that is “lessons”. “The learns” is just so wrong that the grammar section of my brain had an aneurysm. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2025, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/26 "2025-06-24T18:43:50Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > > [@mtnmatt](#): > > > > But this week, some junior colleague started describing what we’d come to understand after an exercise as **“the learns.”** > > My god. Good fucking Jesus H. Christ. Really. Does this workplace have lockers? Because that person’s an ideal candidate for getting shoved and locked into theirs unless/until they give us the name of who they got _that_ from. Who must be dealt with before they spread it further. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2025, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/27 "2025-06-24T22:35:49Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > Every time I hear “learnings” in a corporate environment Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan ---
**Author:** ![zbuzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e19b73/32.png) [@zbuzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zbuzz)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2025, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/28 "2025-06-25T01:02:59Z")
There are too many to list so I’ll just go with my current favorite – how content steaming platforms refer to the ever increasing amount, length and placement of ads as “enhancing the viewing experience.” ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2025, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/29 "2025-06-25T02:04:02Z")
Rather like the judge “enhancing” your sentence. ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2025, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/30 "2025-06-26T21:52:00Z")
> [@Treppenwitz](#): > > Getting on for 20 years ago, staff members from a US client (west coast) used to set my teeth on edge with the word “Bandwidth”….. And today I booked tickets to see stand-up Kerry Godliman’s new show, “Bandwidth”. Evidently it’s a word that we agree on. j ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2025, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943/31 "2025-06-26T22:14:26Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > The best example was one of them on a company-wide webcast, gushing that we should “Open our apertures for the good of the corporation!” If only someone could have piped in with a Portal quote. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-worst-examples-of-corporate-jargon-buzzwords-and-or-gobbledygook-that-youve-encountered-new-thread/1019943.md?page=1)