# You're a bridge officer on the ENTERPRISE. In what episode do you say, "Screw this, I'm going home?" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 30, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677 "2013-10-30T20:10:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/1 "2013-10-30T20:10:26Z")
Let’s say you’re a junior bridge officer on the starship Enterprise. Happily your tunic is gold, not red, and you don’t go on landing parties. You’re the guy or gal who takes over for Chekov when Chekov takes over for Spock. What episode’s events cause you, at the end of your shift, to grab a pad, scribble out a resignation letter, and ask the captain to let you off at the first starbase? (Feel free to to change the setting from the original series to Next Generation, Deep Space 9, Stargate, or Babylon 5, as needed.) For me it’s the TOS episode “Who Mourns for Adonais.” I could handle Klingon invasions, Romulan duplicity, even tribbles. But a giant energy hand appearing out of nowhere, grabbing the saucer section, and holding the ship immobile? Screw that. That’s the point whenthe galaxy has revealed itself as too weird for me. If I have to take a job as a busboy at Ben Sisko’s grandfather’s bistro, I’m still quitting. But that’s just me. Anybody else? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/2 "2013-10-30T20:33:54Z")
“By Any Other Name.” Aliens hijack the ship and turn everyone but the stars into blocks of Styrofoam. Sorry, I don’t care that I was eventually turned back. Screw you guys, I’m going home. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/3 "2013-10-30T20:40:01Z")
“What d’ya mean I’m not getting paid?!?” Screw this, I’m going home. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/4 "2013-10-30T20:46:10Z")
It’s right around the time I discover I’m the _second_ person that tribbles really hate, and my bunk is full of them. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/5 "2013-10-30T20:47:00Z")
> [@mlees](#): > > “What d’ya mean I’m not getting paid?!?” > > Screw this, I’m going home. There’s several references to money in TOS. Kirk at least once tells Scotty that he’s earned his pay for the month, and obviously the likes of Cyrano Jones & Harry Mudd were not running scams for yuks. > [@JackTheRipperMannii](#): > > It’s right around the time I discover I’m the _second_ person that tribbles really hate, and my bunk is full of them. Yeah, but I’m looking for actual episodes, such as Loach mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/6 "2013-10-30T20:48:41Z")
The very first time Kirk tells me that I’m to join the away team and I’m wearing a red shirt. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/7 "2013-10-30T20:56:38Z")
I wouldn’t last long on the bridge crew because I’d get involuntarily transferred (in lieu of court-martial) for making lewd and suggestive remarks to Lt. Uhura and Yeoman Rand. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/8 "2013-10-30T21:02:05Z")
Ahem, Never. Look besides TOS, the movies, cameos in later series, all the convention work and I get to make an album with Ben Folds. I am going to ride this puppy til I die. **Capt Kirk** ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/9 "2013-10-30T21:02:13Z")
In the ST:TNG episode \*Q Who? \*when Q gets miffed, throws the Enterprise halfway across the universe where they meet the Borg for the first time. Picard gets his ass kicked and begs Q to save the ship. A great moment of personal development for the Captain, but if I’m the ship’s librarian or something, I’m out of there as fast as I can get to a shuttle bay. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/10 "2013-10-30T21:16:29Z")
The very moment that I realized that Kirk gets 98% of all the women in the series, with the Command Crew getting his leavings. ---
**Author:** ![dasmoocher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@dasmoocher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dasmoocher)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/11 "2013-10-30T21:32:01Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > In the ST:TNG episode \*Q Who? \*when Q gets miffed, throws the Enterprise halfway across the universe where they meet the Borg for the first time. Picard gets his ass kicked and begs Q to save the ship. > > A great moment of personal development for the Captain, but if I’m the ship’s librarian or something, I’m out of there as fast as I can get to a shuttle bay. I would second this one. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/12 "2013-10-30T21:36:02Z")
_The Naked Time._ What, you mean just being _near_ a gravitational disturbance caused everybody on the ship to go suicidally insane? No, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/13 "2013-10-30T21:41:50Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > _The Naked Time._ What, you mean just being _near_ a gravitational disturbance caused everybody on the ship to go suicidally insane? No, thank you. I was going to say that that’s not how I remember it, but then I realized I don’t actually remember what happened to make everybody go nuts–just that even the seven-year-old me was unimpressed by their environmental protection suits. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/14 "2013-10-30T22:09:19Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I was going to say that that’s not how I remember it, but then I realized I don’t actually remember what happened to make everybody go nuts–just that even the seven-year-old me was unimpressed by their environmental protection suits. It was mutated water. No wonder you forgot about it. ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/15 "2013-10-30T22:15:17Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > In the ST:TNG episode \*Q Who? \*when Q gets miffed, throws the Enterprise halfway across the universe where they meet the Borg for the first time. Picard gets his ass kicked and begs Q to save the ship. > > A great moment of personal development for the Captain, but if I’m the ship’s librarian or something, I’m out of there as fast as I can get to a shuttle bay. Great. Then you get to watch the Battle of Sector 001 from the ground and pray that the Enterprise arrives in time to save your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/16 "2013-10-30T22:37:07Z")
What, and quit show business? ---
**Author:** ![dasmoocher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@dasmoocher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dasmoocher)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/17 "2013-10-30T23:15:32Z")
> [@AtomicDog](#): > > Great. Then you get to watch the Battle of Sector 001 from the ground and pray that the Enterprise arrives in time to save your ass. Not me. I’d go and become a terraformer on LV-426. ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/18 "2013-10-30T23:23:11Z")
The episode where the monster killed people by sucking the salt out of them would have probably done it for me. I mean, screw that, I want off this tub. Or that really weird episode where hippies hijacked the Enterprise and flew it to what they thought was a paradise planet only to discover that everything on the planet was poisonous or acidic. Good grief, hippies took over the Enterprise?? You clowns are on your own! -Loup Garou Your argument hasn’t got a leg to stand on because, well, I just ate it. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/19 "2013-10-30T23:25:12Z")
> [@AtomicDog](#): > > Great. Then you get to watch the Battle of Sector 001 from the ground and pray that the Enterprise arrives in time to save your ass. Or worse, transfer to a ship that the Borg slices apart. In TOS - never. Did any member of the bridge crew without a red shirt ever buy it? I can’t recall one. (Besides Gary Lockwood, that is, and that’s different.) They guy who bought it in Balance of Terror worked in the phaser room. TNG: right away. Picard is a real pussy, and I’d get tired of being changed into a hamster from time to time. And my promotion possibilities are limited, not being a Klingon, blind, or an android. And Riker is clearly never going to leave. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677/20 "2013-10-30T23:26:53Z")
I don’t. If I were SECURITY, I’d retire after Day of the Dove. As Command? I’m there for the long haul. A bit of excitement never hurt anybody, and my chances of death or injury are only slightly higher than those of somebody planetside. Not that I’d actually be involved with most of the excitement since almost all of that takes place during the Captain’s shift, and I’d be on downtime and thus wouldn’t notice anything that wasn’t threatening to knock the ship out of the sky. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-bridge-officer-on-the-enterprise-in-what-episode-do-you-say-screw-this-im-going-home/672677.md?page=2)