# You're a Mean One, Mr. GATES **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 2000, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552 "2000-12-20T18:22:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/1 "2000-12-20T18:22:29Z")
_To the tune of “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch”, with appologies to Bill Gates (who, by most accounts, is a pretty swell guy)._ You’re a mean one, Mr. Gates. You really are a troll. You’re as cuddly as a pointer, You’re as kewl as AOL. Mr. Gates. You’re an old 486, Whose harddrive is full. You’re a virus, Mr. Gates. Your heart pipes to dev/null. Your brain is full of bloatware, You’ve got bugs within your code. Mr. Gates. I wouldn’t ping you, through a thirty-nine-and-a-half hop route! You’re a lamer, Mr. Gates. You have Blue Error Screens of Death. You have all the debugging charm Of a segmentation fault. Mr. Gates. Given the choice between the two of you I’d take - the segmentation fault! You’re an iMac, Mr. Gates. You’re a damaged stick of RAM. Your heart is full of porno-pics. Your soul is full of SPAM. Mr. Gates. The three words that best describe you, are, and I quote: “Abort, Retry, Ignore”. You’re a null pointer, Mr. Gates. You’re the king of software clots. You’re heart’s a kernel error With a General Protection Fault, Mr. Gates. Your code is an apalling event stack overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable error handling statments, Mangled up in spaghetti code. Your software crashes, Mr. Gates. With a hanging super-hang. You’re a greedy geeky techie And you make such greedy deals. Mr. Gates. You’re a three hundred megabyte OS/browser combo With memory leaks. ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/2 "2000-12-20T18:34:37Z")
Bravo! That’s all I can say. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/3 "2000-12-20T20:06:21Z")
🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/4 "2000-12-20T20:16:32Z")
Do you know how hard it is to applaud wildly, post in awe, and print out a thread for posterity at the same time? This one gets pinned to my cube wall immediately–it’s magnificent! ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/5 "2000-12-20T20:23:50Z")
🙂 🙂 I swear I should give up sleeping. I’m much more creative when I don’t sleep. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/6 "2000-12-20T22:47:43Z")
Er, you know people, it’s perfectly all right to respond to this thread. I don’t bite. (Except the ankles; but that doesn’t count) I mean, the responses so far are great, but there are only two of them, not counting my own! ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/7 "2000-12-21T00:38:45Z")
The latest off of the news wire is that Microsludge is now protesting the monopolistic practices of AOL. Stop, stop, you’re ripping my heart out Bill! ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/8 "2000-12-21T00:51:08Z")
Nice. I want the CD. [sub] you _don’t_ bite? Damn.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/9 "2000-12-21T00:54:04Z")
Blackknight…Send that puppy to [http://www.userfriendly.org](http://www.userfriendly.org), I am sure they will get a major kick out of it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/10 "2000-12-21T00:54:48Z")
very nice. printing while humming. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/11 "2000-12-21T01:25:30Z")
I’ll forgive the iMac slam and applaud! ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/12 "2000-12-21T02:31:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by drewbert \* > \*\*I’ll forgive the iMac slam and applaud! \*\* Yeah, sorry about that. I really don’t have anything against them, but they’re fun as heck to make fun of. 🙂 Medea’s Child - I could always record myself singing this with my microphone, burn it on to a CD, and send it to you. But trust me when I say you _don’t_ want to hear my singing voice! And I only bite when, where, and how hard I’m asked to. Narile, thanks for the link. I don’t think this is good enough to send to them, but I’ll consider it. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/13 "2000-12-21T09:15:43Z")
I love it! Is it okay if I copy it and email it to about five people who would really appreciate it? I’ll gladly credit you, of course, under any name you’d like. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/14 "2000-12-21T14:02:33Z")
I can even hear Mr. Ravenscroft singing it. Good One! ---
**Author:** ![Redwing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@Redwing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redwing)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/15 "2000-12-21T14:14:30Z")
The Ufies would love this. If you don’t want to post it to the comments page, you could always post it to the Friendly Forum. Please? ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-mean-one-mr-gates/46552/16 "2000-12-21T17:53:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by InternetLegend \* > \*\*I love it! Is it okay if I copy it and email it to about five people who would really appreciate it? I’ll gladly credit you, of course, under any name you’d like. \*\* Sure, go ahead! You can credit my real name, if you’d like. It’s Bryan Katzenmeyer.