# You're a pompous, pretentious WHORE - go back to Italy! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 27, 2006, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344 "2006-06-27T13:37:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/162 "2006-06-27T22:05:33Z")
You underestimate the power of “Couldn’t be bothered”. After a string of romantic frustrations, I went through a serious “to Hell with 'em” stage. I mean, I seriously, sincerely could give a flying turd what women or anyone else thought about me. When I went out, I was _going out_. Having fun. Period. No male gaze, no chatting up, no gratuitous compliments, no wanna-dance, buy-you-a-drinks, nothing. Not because I was trying to play hard to get, I was _honestly_ of the attitude the female half of the species could go jump as far as I was concerned. First time in my life I really felt that way. The results were astonishing. I am _not_ a Cassinova by any stretch of the wildest imagination, and yet within months I was in a position where I could _choose_ between which of three smart, attractive women I was going to pursue, because it was clear even to my idiot self that they were very interested in being pursued. I have experienced _nothing_ like that in my entire life, and it truly freaked me right the hell out. It was like George Costanza exclaiming I’d discovered plutonium by accident. I chose well, and we’re now happily married. So go figure. No one should try to be like this. You can’t. One has to arrive at it somehow through trial and tribulation, and there’s no formula to follow. But when it happens, it’s like a 2x4 to the head. I don’t even understand it to this day, I just know it happened. ---
**Author:** ![Viridiana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/163 "2006-06-27T22:09:21Z")
I do say good job to Argent Towers on realizing the error of his ways. I think it’s pretty important, the discussion of ingrained reactions. I mean my goodness, the thought being auto-labelled a pretentious whore because I didn’t have sex with the first couple of boyfriends who wanted me to (being both underaged and disinclined) but decided to work with another boyfriend of a different ethnicity later on, because I wanted to and felt it was time, and not because I was duped by an accent - Geez, I’d be afraid to interact with anyone at all. Those kinds of kneejerk reactions (whore, bitch, deserving of bad things) scare me, as does the fact that so many people think in this way. Of course had she specifically implied she’d made an exception to her rule because they were Italian, well, that may or may not make her stupid if true (but still not a whore. Unless they paid her.) But in reality, I really just don’t think that rule was as important to her as she made it seem to you guys. Coming home and telling you guys (or just you, and them by proxy) about it, though, that’s the part that is beyond me. Like she’s either got a shitty memory or clearly wanted to rub it in your faces (no extra pun intended). Either way, I’d find THAT nastily insensitive, and why continue to hang out with her? She does sound like less than a stellar buddy, for lots of other reasons. But I’m glad you understand that the mere exclusion of sex from a relationship doesn’t \*have \*to cause ‘anguish’. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/164 "2006-06-27T22:26:47Z")
> [@Marienee](#): > > Well done. An awful lot of people either just disappear or else continue with that hole digging thing. > > I will tell you my own story of travel to Italy when I was seventeen and wearing very little (lo, these many moons ago) for your entertainment pleasure. > > I went to Italy when I was seventeen, wearing very little. A nice italian gentlema- er, fellow began following me around commenting on my appearance in a most flattering way. So I told him to go away. He persisted, claiming he was overwhelmed by my loveliness. So Ï told him I wasn’t interested. He persisted, and offered me gifts and libations. So I told him I was saving myself for marriage because I was very religious. He threw his arms wide and without missing a single beat cried, _We shall be married in the morning! I cannot live another day without being married to you!_ (Sorry about the italics, my quotation marks key is not working properly. > > He then called his mates around and they all bought drinks for us to congratulate us on the wedding plans. We went to visit three churches (lotta churches) so I could choose where I wanted to be married. We went shopping for a wedding dress (also to be picked up in the morning). We went shopping for shoes and underwear to go under it. > > Yes _of course_ this was, um, a hobby of sorts. I knew that much even at seventeen. And yes, _of course_ I had sex with him, are you kidding? Though I waited until the next day, to see if he would show up at the store where the dress was that we had picked out together. He did, there you are. It was fun. > > It was indeed both amusing and shocking, and sometimes that’s an irresistible combination. I’m booking my flight to Italy as we speak… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/165 "2006-06-27T23:07:34Z")
Kudos to the OP for retracting. Pride is a bitter pill to swallow, but the act does you good. But damn you for spoiling my fun. I’ll therefore try to poke a hole in the bits that haven’t been retracted: Speaking as a coffee lover, anyone who claims that preferring Italian, as in made-and-drunk-in-Italy, coffee is “pretentious” has clearly never tasted the stuff in Italy. It’s not “pretentious” to prefer it, it’s “discerning”, and IMO “completely correct”. It’s an almost totally different drink. In fact, anyone who claims that someone who prefers something foreign to something at home is “pretentious” is usually (though not always, of course) someone who hasn’t been there. Sometimes stuff overseas _can_ be better, like it or not. Finally, speaking as a man whose lovely wife was deflowered in Italy by an Italian; who drove a Ferrari; and was a bodyguard to a mafia judge; and drove her, after a romantic candlelit dinner, into the mountains above Rome, and let her shoot his revolver into a valley… I’d have to just the poor young things don’t stand a chance. And nor do we. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/166 "2006-06-27T23:10:31Z")
Damn: > [@me](#): > > have to just have to say 😕 ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/167 "2006-06-27T23:17:57Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > let her shoot his revolver into a valley… He had an exquisite sense of foreshadowing as well, I see. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/168 "2006-06-27T23:21:39Z")
> [@Manda JO](#): > > He had an exquisite sense of foreshadowing as well, I see. Touché. :smack: ::Gets membership form from NRA website:: ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/169 "2006-06-27T23:31:47Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > let her shoot his revolver into a valley I’m adding this to my list of euphemisms right now. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/170 "2006-06-28T00:21:48Z")
I can just, just, just barely see the kind of situation where the girlfriend tells everybody about her… ahem, experiences in Italy because, _just quite maybe possibly_, she thinks the guys are her _friends_ and would be happy for her. Just barely. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/171 "2006-06-28T00:25:15Z")
> [@Fish](#): > > I can just, just, just barely see the kind of situation where the girlfriend tells everybody about her… ahem, experiences in Italy because, _just quite maybe possibly_, she thinks the guys are her _friends_ and would be happy for her. > > Just barely. Well, if nothing else, they are all talking about her sex life when she \*isn’t[/] there–he knows exactly which “bases” his friend got to, and how the other two fared–so why shouldn’t she/they talk about her sex life when she _is_ there? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/172 "2006-06-28T00:34:32Z")
> [@Manda JO](#): > > Well, if nothing else, they are all talking about her sex life when she \*isn’t[/] there–he knows exactly which “bases” his friend got to, and how the other two fared–so why shouldn’t she/they talk about her sex life when she _is_ there? Yeah, that bothered me more and more as the thread went on. I wouldn’t date three friends from the same circle anyway, but I guess this is another reason why. ---
**Author:** ![MelCthefirst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@MelCthefirst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MelCthefirst)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/173 "2006-06-28T00:36:21Z")
I’ve ploughed through this thread. My comment (and I’m very surprised no one else has mentioned this) - this is what comes from going for hot babes with great looks! Wait until you’re older when you’ll discover the delights of less ‘hot on the outside’ women. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/174 "2006-06-28T01:59:59Z")
Ever notice? When women lose the man they want to another woman, they blame themselves. When men lose the woman they want to another man, they blame the woman. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/175 "2006-06-28T02:40:24Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Ever notice? When women lose the man they want to another woman, they blame themselves. When men lose the woman they want to another man, they blame the woman. No. No, I never noticed that at all. Where is this world you live in where no-one ever blames the man? Can I get a visa? > [@Loopydude](#): > > You underestimate the power of “Couldn’t be bothered”. After a string of romantic frustrations, I went through a serious “to Hell with 'em” stage. I mean, I seriously, sincerely could give a flying turd what women or anyone else thought about me. When I went out, I was going out. Having fun. Period. No male gaze, no chatting up, no gratuitous compliments, no wanna-dance, buy-you-a-drinks, nothing. Not because I was trying to play hard to get, I was honestly of the attitude the female half of the species could go jump as far as I was concerned. First time in my life I really felt that way. > > The results were astonishing. I am not a Cassinova by any stretch of the wildest imagination, and yet within months I was in a position where I could choose between which of three smart, attractive women I was going to pursue, because it was clear even to my idiot self that they were very interested in being pursued. I have experienced nothing like that in my entire life, and it truly freaked me right the hell out. It was like George Costanza exclaiming I’d discovered plutonium by accident. I chose well, and we’re now happily married. So go figure. No one should try to be like this. You can’t. One has to arrive at it somehow through trial and tribulation, and there’s no formula to follow. But when it happens, it’s like a 2x4 to the head. I don’t even understand it to this day, I just know it happened. Hey! Me too. Except for, you know, the three smart, attractive women thing. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/176 "2006-06-28T06:34:51Z")
She discovered sensuality, quite simply. Even the strongest person faces the awakening. A sensory overload. The five colors, five tastes… This was her birth into Maya. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/177 "2006-06-28T16:31:09Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Speaking as a coffee lover, anyone who claims that preferring Italian, as in made-and-drunk-in-Italy, coffee is “pretentious” has clearly never tasted the stuff in Italy. It’s not “pretentious” to prefer it, it’s “discerning”, and IMO “completely correct”. It’s an almost totally different drink. > > In fact, anyone who claims that someone who prefers something foreign to something at home is “pretentious” is usually (though not always, of course) someone who hasn’t been there. Sometimes stuff overseas _can_ be better, like it or not. I run into this a lot, being a foodie. If someone discovers I prefer real parmigiano to the green stuff in a can, that person might very well label me “pretentious”. I don’t know what they think I’m “pretending” to be - I just prefer one thing over another. I don’t refer to enthusiasts in other fields as pretentious. If someone likes, say, Harley Davidsons as compared to Indians, I don’t call them pretentious. I just don’t get the whole concept. And our first trip to Europe completely changed our coffee habits forever. We promptly invested in our first espresso machine and started buying artisan coffee beans. We now buy “Caffe del Doge” beans from Venice and anyone who doesn’t approve can blow it out their ass. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/178 "2006-06-28T16:54:49Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Ever notice? When women lose the man they want to another woman, they blame themselves. When men lose the woman they want to another man, they blame the woman. Actually, in my experience, when women lose a man to another woman, they blame the other woman. In any case, I don’t know how we guys managed to set this up, but it’s a pretty sweet deal! Nothing is our fault! Woo! ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/179 "2006-06-28T21:41:34Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Boys, let me tell you a secret. Sometimes, when a girl doesn’t have sex with you, and does have sex with someone else, it’s not because she’s a whore, it’s because that other guy is better than you. _[addenda]_ 1. …“it’s because that other guy is _perceived by her being_ better than you”. 2. …AND she’s is too embarrassed (or dishonest) to tell you that. ---
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/180 "2006-06-29T04:44:01Z")
Well, I am damn glad I am in my forties then. I can go to the bar, find a lady my age I can rap with, have a couple beers, maybe a couple shots, bullshit for a couple hours, and then I will say “So, want to come over and have a beer?” Which at our age means “Want to come over and get laid?” And she will say either “Let’s go baby” or “no thanks” or “You don’t even remember my fucking name you dumbass!” :smack: No games, no bullshit, works well for the most part. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344/181 "2006-06-29T08:38:42Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Actually, in my experience, when women lose a man to another woman, they blame the other woman. > > In any case, I don’t know how we guys managed to set this up, but it’s a pretty sweet deal! Nothing is our fault! Woo! Well, t’aint necessarily so. F’rex: [ul]Kate had been shagging Neil behind her husband’s back. When Neil found himself someone who was half his age and not the wife of the man he’d been best man to, Kate was most indignant with Neil and not especially with Nicola - at least, she rhetorically enquired whether I’d mind punching Neil in the nose for her. [li]Kate had been trying to attract Howard and unfortunately he told her he’d be delighted once she was free and single. Kate was miffed with Howard.[/li][li]Annie became snarlingly infuriated with me whenever I even looked at another woman, whether or not there was the least danger I’d ever go for it or be in with a shout if I did.[/ul][/li] So it certainly can be our fault, and IME the _last_ thing women do is blame themselves as **Rilch** asserted. (I hear where they’ll smarten themselves up, lose weight, learn to give proper BJs and so on, all to make their ex realize what he’s missing, possibly with the hope that he’ll beg her to take him back so she can say “No”. I get the impression that women will do far more to spite an ex-partner than they’ll do to please their current one. But I realize that this may be just the curmudgeonliness talking.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-a-pompous-pretentious-whore-go-back-to-italy/362344.md?page=8)