# You're about to be lynched. What do you do to play for time? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466 "2011-05-19T16:53:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/21 "2011-05-19T19:03:51Z")
I’d sing a song so forlorn and sweet they’d let me go. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/22 "2011-05-19T19:14:26Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > “I’ve been a wicked sinner and I need some time to make my peace with God”. Given the number of technical sins I’ve committed, that should give me plenty of time, and I can always make up more. I’d probably go with this one. “Please help me find my way back to God, I’ve been so bad, and don’t know how to find my way.” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/23 "2011-05-19T19:26:52Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I’d probably go with this one. “Please help me find my way back to God, I’ve been so bad, and don’t know how to find my way.” Wouldn’t float with Issac Parker…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Barrett\_Bonden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@Barrett\_Bonden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrett_Bonden)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/24 "2011-05-19T19:49:29Z")
As my final request, I’d ask them to sing **H.M.S. Pinafore** for me. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/25 "2011-05-19T20:27:01Z")
Grab myself around the neck, and warn them not to move or the Scotsman gets it! ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/26 "2011-05-19T20:31:16Z")
“People, it’s 2011. Here we are in the middle of suburban Los Angeles. Many of you are supporting green initiatives, fighting for immigrant rights and hoping to get gay marriage legalized. And yet, you’re about to LYNCH a black man. Do you have ANY idea how far you’re about to set back this state? ANY? HMMM?!?!” ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/27 "2011-05-19T20:44:27Z")
I’d tell them I need to play my ukulele to accompany my last words, a song I wrote myself called “Downfall.” Then after they untie me and hand me my uke, I’d beat them all to death with my Konablaster solid body electric baritone ukulele. Don’t need any help, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![qbadger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/fbc32d/32.png) [@qbadger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qbadger)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/28 "2011-05-19T23:34:47Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Obviously not. If you had it on, you’d have used it during the siege, and anyway, if you’re about to be hanged, they’ve certainly bound your hands. > > I swear, I don’t know what they teach in school any more. Definitely not _Introduction to Equine Tongue_, which as I recall had the rather useful command of “Bolt: get me out of here fast!”. I’ve always preferred that to having to resort to a sharp physical bite. What are we, barbarians? Shame really. Well you probably don’t want to deal with an out-of-control horse anyway… why take the risk when you can just politely remind the mob leader that he doesn’t know where his son is at this precise moment? Rash actions are ever so costly… and it would be even more unfortunate once your associates start to exact further revenge… “Yes. Let us all forget this regrettable incident has ever happened, go inside and have a cup of tea instead. Oh btw, I have been meaning to ask this earlier: what’s with the torches at 3 o’clock in the afternoon?” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2011, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/29 "2011-05-20T00:26:51Z")
Obviously, since I maneuvered them to this tree, I speak the keyword to my [liveoak](http://www.pathfinder-srd.nl/wiki/Liveoak_%28Spell%29) spell. ---
**Author:** ![mac\_bolan00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@mac\_bolan00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mac_bolan00)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2011, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/30 "2011-05-20T00:45:30Z")
“But I’m hero of the revolution!” ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2011, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/31 "2011-05-20T01:15:51Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Obviously, since I maneuvered them to this tree, I speak the keyword to my [liveoak](http://www.pathfinder-srd.nl/wiki/Liveoak_%28Spell%29) spell. It would be just my luck to do this and have it backfire, making [one of these](http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp05042002.shtml) appear instead. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2011, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/32 "2011-05-20T01:40:38Z")
> [@qbadger](#): > > you can just politely remind the mob leader that he doesn’t know where his son is at this precise moment? Let’s make a deal, qbear. Which ever one of us isn’t caught takes the kid to a movie in case Dad calls home. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/33 "2011-05-20T02:16:15Z")
We’d get a last meal, right? Well, I’d share my chili with the horse. I’m sure one of those ignorant bastids would be a smoker & We’d be outta there like a Bat Outta Hell… ---
**Author:** ![mac\_bolan00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@mac\_bolan00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mac_bolan00)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2011, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/34 "2011-05-20T02:23:23Z")
i always wear my fake congressional medal of honor. ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2011, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/35 "2011-05-20T02:23:33Z")
I’d probably try something like [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e1hZGDaqIw), but with hanging instead of shooting. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2011, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/36 "2011-05-20T02:28:59Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > We’d get a last meal, right? Well, I’d share my chili with the horse. I’m sure one of those ignorant bastids would be a smoker & We’d be outta there like a Bat Outta Hell… Skald says the noose is already around your neck, as I recall. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/37 "2011-05-22T01:49:40Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Skald says the noose is already around your neck, as I recall. Meatloaf is going to have to redo that album cover, huh? \*On a hot summer night. Would you offer your throat to the hangwoman with the noose tied to a dead oak tree? Will the tree have dry dead fragile roots? Yes Will my horse show me her teeth? Yes Wlll she take beano in her jaws? Yes Will she show the mob her hunger? Yes Again. Will she show the mob her hunger? Yes And would she never leave without me? Yes And does she have gas? Yes Yes On a hot summer night. Would you offer your throat to the hangwoman with the noose tied to a dead oak tree? Yes I bet you’d look damn silly, dead & dragging that tree into kingdomcome… \* ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/38 "2011-05-22T02:27:25Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Goddammit, Silver! I said bring POSSE! > 😃 > [@UncleRojelio](#): > > Ask the crowd if an airplane can take off from a treadmill. > [@carnivorousplant](#): > > > [@Oakminster](#): > > > > Goddammit, Silver! I said bring POSSE! > > 😃 > > Dammit. > > I can’t top that. You may not, but **UncleRojelio** just did. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/39 "2011-05-22T02:51:18Z")
Find Jesus. Preferably, among the lynch mob. Would you participate in the lynching of the guy who thought you were the Second Coming? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2011, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466/40 "2011-05-22T03:12:03Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > You may not, but **UncleRojelio** just did. Horse pucky! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-about-to-be-lynched-what-do-you-do-to-play-for-time/582466.md?page=3)