# You're an adult male being attacked in a bar - Your last fight was in Jr High - What do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 21, 2012, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939 "2012-07-21T07:43:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/81 "2012-07-28T20:48:40Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > This is such a non issue. > > First, bar fights rarely if ever last longer than a minute before employees or other patrons break it up. > > Second, tell the said person with zero shame that you will not fight them. For whatever reason, this seems to take the wind out of most folk’s sails. You may have to reiterate that sentiment several times before it sinks in, but it does seem to work. This is what I have done in the few times in my life when someone wanted to fight me - I simply said “I’m not fighting.” No matter what they said or did I just repeated “I’m not fighting.” It works because I refuse to get into any kind of macho bluster-fest. Then when they turn to leave I pop a 9mm cap in the back of his skull. Works every time. ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/82 "2012-07-30T03:13:22Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I’m a large, relatively strong person, but I have no real world martial fighting skills whatsoever other than the old schoolyard standbys of flailing, grabbing and scuffling. If diffusing a fight is impossible and you are cornered by someone comparable to you in size and strength who attacks you in a bar or similar public place what do you do? > > What the bar fight game plan for the non-martial artist? From the responss I have read on the thread, no one seems have any situational awareness of whats happening in the bar, as well as what they may have done to provoke the confrontation. Of all the fights that I have seen in the bar, over the past several months, alpha males have tended to be the lowest percentage. The highest percentage, had been where the aggressor was actually minding his own business, and the aggressee did something stupid, rude , or was being ignorant. Now what to do , you let the bouncers bail your ass out, and have the decency to walk out quietly, when you are booted. Takes two to tango, your equally guilty. Go turtle, the response time is less than ten seconds, till the first responder arrives. Declan ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/83 "2012-07-30T03:20:21Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Let the bartender deal with the guy. That’s pretty much it. Fighting is for children and losers. Unless you or someone you care about is under direct attack, get whoever (bartender, bouncer etc) to deal with it and back away. You are not being a “coward,” but rather an adult. Sadly this term does not apply to a great many people who are old enough that it should. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/84 "2012-07-30T03:26:08Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I think that you are making a huuuuuuge assumption: that he will stick around after the stabbing. You’re making a huuuuge assumption that police won’t be able to identify him and arrest him later on felony charges. Better hope you didn’t pay with a credit card, eh? “Yeah, his name from his receipt is…” ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/85 "2012-07-30T05:41:02Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > When the threat is apparent, start to cry and pee your pants a little. Between sobs, say, _“my wife just left me, I was recently diagnosed with MS and my dog got run over by a bus. I apologize if I offended you in any and I’d like to buy you a beer to make amends.”_ Approach to shake his hand as he brings the frosty mug to his lips, but “inadvertently” flex your forearm up, crashing the mug through the bully’s front teeth and breaking his nose. Then, begin to cry again and say, _“those damned myoclonic twitches, I curse the day I got MS!”_ > > I can’t tell you how many times this tactic has gotten me laid. 🆒 That would be because it’s 0. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/86 "2012-07-30T19:01:18Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I’m a large, relatively strong person, but I have no real world martial fighting skills whatsoever other than the old schoolyard standbys of flailing, grabbing and scuffling. If diffusing a fight is impossible and you are cornered by someone comparable to you in size and strength who attacks you in a bar or similar public place what do you do? > > What the bar fight game plan for the non-martial artist? Simple. Stay out of bars. I teach Taekwondo. One of the basic, fundamental things about self-defense is to control your environment - don’t put yourself at risk if there is any way to avoid it. Bars are places where people go to drink, which leads to lowered inhibitions and self-control. I haven’t set foot in a bar in more than 30 years. There’s just not a reason good enough to go into one. The next thing to do is evade and run away. We have a little mantra: If they can’t see you… If they can’t breathe… If they can’t put their hands on you… If they can’t stand up… …they can’t hurt you. Evading and running means they can’t get their hands on you. Run far and fast enough, they won’t see you, either. If you can’t do that, follow Shodan’s advice above. It’s good. And then come take lessons with me. ---
**Author:** ![Measure\_for\_Measure](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/measure_for_measure/32/557_2.png) [@Measure\_for\_Measure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Measure_for_Measure)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2012, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/87 "2012-07-31T05:02:25Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Simple. Stay out of bars. > > I teach Taekwondo. One of the basic, fundamental things about self-defense is to control your environment - don’t put yourself at risk if there is any way to avoid it. Bars are places where people go to drink, which leads to lowered inhibitions and self-control. I haven’t set foot in a bar in more than 30 years. There’s just not a reason good enough to go into one. Weirdly, I had not thought of that. (Thanks, btw). But I’ve never ever witnessed a bar fight and I’ve been in them scores of times. I’ve never even seen somebody buy another a drink to cool them down. I like it that way. I tend to attend live music-related bars and clubs. Am I just lucky or are there bright flags indicating that a given bar isn’t the sort of establishment that I would want to support? Or are all late-night drinking venues somewhat risky, setting aside the serious matter of driving home? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2012, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/88 "2012-07-31T22:27:24Z")
> [@Measure\_for\_Measure](#): > > Weirdly, I had not thought of that. (Thanks, btw). > > But I’ve never ever witnessed a bar fight and I’ve been in them scores of times. I’ve never even seen somebody buy another a drink to cool them down. I like it that way. I tend to attend live music-related bars and clubs. Am I just lucky or are there bright flags indicating that a given bar isn’t the sort of establishment that I would want to support? Or are all late-night drinking venues somewhat risky, setting aside the serious matter of driving home? Fights can happen anywhere, but as someone mentioned upthread your chances of getting in a physical fight at the Applebee’s bar is exceedingly low. Rougher joints or scenarios where there’s a lot of male-female strutting like dance clubs in urban settings or some redneck bars the chances are much higher. Also, at the very end of the night when drunks are getting cut off can be dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Dapper\_Dan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dapper\_Dan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dapper_Dan)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2012, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/89 "2012-08-01T00:32:33Z")
The last time a drunk wanted to fight me, I stayed there and calmly said, “I’m not going to fight you.” I repeated this several times. First of all, he’s going to look really stupid if he throws a punch at someone standing there calmly. Second, this alerted the bartender that there was trouble brewing. The bartender didn’t need to get involved in this case, though; the jerk’s brother escorted him out. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2012, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/90 "2012-08-01T01:31:50Z")
Been in this exact situation. Dodge, duck, boogie the fuck on out of his way until the bouncer gets there or other patrons intervene. Throwing a punch is just begging for him to grab your arm and yank it out of its socket. Evade, Evade, Evade. Inigo Montoya–undefeated coward in real life. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2012, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/91 "2012-08-01T06:03:22Z")
_“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. I’m just going to go away now. Please don’t hurt me.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2012, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/92 "2012-08-01T07:28:51Z")
Your body will tell you when it’s really necessary to fight, and it’s like sex; not dependent on prior experience. To me physically fighting is like being born and dying—you do it alone. Doesn’t matter how many people are around you. Nobody else does it or feels it like you. Most bar fights are fueled by alcohol. In a room where people go to get drunk, if you go there to drink be prepared to defend yourself against somebody craftier than you. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2012, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/93 "2012-08-01T14:01:08Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > Your body will tell you when it’s really necessary to fight, and it’s like sex; not dependent on prior experience. You get a massive errection?😕 > [@Measure for Measure](#): > > But I’ve never ever witnessed a bar fight and I’ve been in them scores of times. I’ve never even seen somebody buy another a drink to cool them down. I like it that way. I tend to attend live music-related bars and clubs. Am I just lucky or are there bright flags indicating that a given bar isn’t the sort of establishment that I would want to support? Or are all late-night drinking venues somewhat risky, setting aside the serious matter of driving home? As a general rule, the younger the crowd and the worse or more remote the location, the more likely you will encounter trouble. Bars tend to get sketchier later in the evening as well as people get more drunk and a shadier element tends to lurk about. I mean a Midtown Manhattan bar filled with the Ernst & Young crowd at happy hour is generally a lot safer than some dive bar in the Bronx at 3am. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2012, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/94 "2012-08-01T14:01:51Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > _“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. I’m just going to go away now. Please don’t hurt me.”_ Yeah…If I were to stay in the movie I suppose I should change my name to “Albino” or “Gate Keeper.” I’m a pussy. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/95 "2012-08-03T01:02:48Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > You get a massive erection?😕. Absolutely! If you’re taking on FoieGrasIsEvil you’d better be ready for a sword fight. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2012, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/96 "2012-08-03T01:36:18Z")
I think I’m generally assumed to be more of a bad ass than I really am (which isn’t necessarilly a bad thing). In my mid 20s, a group of my friends got their asses kicked in a bar fight. As it happens, I wasn’t out with them that night. But the next week they were all like “man we could have used you on Saturday”. I’m thinking “Why? So I can also show up to work, looking like a giant asshole with a a couple of black eyes?” ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/97 "2012-08-04T06:20:19Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > You get a massive errection?😕 > > As a general rule, the younger the crowd and the worse or more remote the location, the more likely you will encounter trouble. Bars tend to get sketchier later in the evening as well as people get more drunk and a shadier element tends to lurk about. I mean a Midtown Manhattan bar filled with the Ernst & Young crowd at happy hour is generally a lot safer than some dive bar in the Bronx at 3am. Nope. When blind-sided, the physical self kicks in instintively to keep you alive; there’s no “thinking about it” needed. I was waxing poetic when I likened it to first-time sex, something some people worry about getting right. The body takes over and leads the way. Back to survival mechanisms; ever wonder how people could jump out a window to escape a fire? It’s because it’s the next, better, choice. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/98 "2012-08-04T07:12:11Z")
Well, the oft-mentioned last sentence really makes it _easier_ for a lot of us. "If diffusing a fight is impossible and you are cornered by someone comparable to you in size and strength who attacks you in a bar or similar public place what do you do? " See, that right there is key. Comparable in size and strength. Go for it. I’m not sure I could bloody my own nose with a heavily weighted pair of nun’s chucks, let alone fisticuffs. And drunk? Hah! Do your worst, person of comparable size and strength, I can take a lot before you get winded and need to take a break–and by that time my niece will be back from the little girls room and will kick your sorry ass. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/99 "2012-08-04T07:29:12Z")
My usual rule is, first answer the question: is this a life or death situation? If the answer is no, call the police, run, scream, etc. etc. etc. If it is not a life or death situation, that means you have choices, and the best choice is to walk away or avoid the fight. As stated above, there can be consequences for you, win or lose. If the answer is yes, consequences are no longer important. You will do what you have to do to survive. For the non-martial artist, I would say aim for eyes, throat, or temples, with your fingernails if necessary but a weapon is better. In a bar setting, I’d probably go for pool cues or silverware. I’ve studied people who have survived bear and shark attacks, and in general if you go for the eyes or throat, the animal will realize you’re in survival mode and you will do whatever it takes to kill them first. The hard part though is knowing the difference between you probably dying or you possibly dying. I usually look for things that are out of place. A sober guy walking across a crowded park at noon holding two handguns would set off more alarms than a drunk guy making some comments in a bar. A little bit of martial arts training wouldn’t be such a bad idea either. In real life fights, I think the most useful move is the [Judo choke](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_k9ggLo6Iaf4/S5LTVVoo7MI/AAAAAAAAAJg/qSK9B-7Fffs/s320/Sketch-Choke001+copy.jpg), which can also be applied from the back, and takes about 15 minutes to learn. Regardless of whether it is a life or death fight or not, you will relatively safely incapacitate your foe and can wait for police to arrive. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939/100 "2012-08-04T10:28:29Z")
> [@RaftPeople](#): > > A punch to the throat/adams apple area can be disabling. It is also potentially deadly. Hit hard enough, the the guy’s adam’s apple swells up so he can’t breathe, and you may end up facing a manslaughter charge. Don’t do that. ETA: A guy I knew in college used to joke that training for 400m and 800m dash left him much better prepared for bar fighting than any martial arts class did. He had a point 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-adult-male-being-attacked-in-a-bar-your-last-fight-was-in-jr-high-what-do-you-do/628939.md?page=6)