# You're an WANKER if you buy a $150 BURBERRY DOG SWEATER **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 14, 2005, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422 "2005-03-14T05:26:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Merl\_Minnozza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@Merl\_Minnozza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merl_Minnozza)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/1 "2005-03-14T05:26:09Z")
I was looking for an actual HUMAN Burberry Nova Check sweater (which apparently DO NOT EXIST) when I found [this.](http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=46298&item=4364794906&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW) Excuse me while I go throw up. ---
**Author:** ![Ooner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c67d28/32.png) [@Ooner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ooner)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/2 "2005-03-14T05:30:51Z")
Rich people can spend their money however they want. If I had a shitload of money and a dog I loved that I thought would look cute in Burberry, I’d buy it an expensive sweater or two in a second. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/3 "2005-03-14T05:32:13Z")
No, YOU are an wanker! ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/4 "2005-03-14T05:33:46Z")
So, you’re saying you don’t like plaid? ---
**Author:** ![Merl\_Minnozza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@Merl\_Minnozza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merl_Minnozza)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/5 "2005-03-14T05:51:12Z")
Christ, did I hit a nerve here! No I don’t mind plaid but I think it’s ludicrous to buy designer clothes for an animal. ---
**Author:** ![Ooner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c67d28/32.png) [@Ooner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ooner)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/6 "2005-03-14T06:00:50Z")
And I think it’s ludicrous to be filthy rich and leave your poor dog wearing doggie clothes by some crappy second-rate name like Calvin Klein, or god forbid, something from a pet store or something. I mean, that’s just embarrassing for everyone involved. ---
**Author:** ![Domokun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c77e96/32.png) [@Domokun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Domokun)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/7 "2005-03-14T06:02:32Z")
I dunno, that’s a pretty adorable doggie sweater. Wankerdom is already assured if you create ebay auctions with aLtErNaTe CaPs tItLeS. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/8 "2005-03-14T06:03:22Z")
> [@Merl Minnozza](#): > > Christ, did I hit a nerve here! No I don’t mind plaid but I think it’s ludicrous to buy designer clothes for an animal. I think the issue is less the notion of what’s appropriate for an animal that will eat cat feces and human vomit if given the opportunity, and more the notion of dictating what can people can or should do with their money. Large, hairless primates spend thousands upon thousands of dollars for tiny pressed carbon minerals that other primates can wear on their fingers. Which purchase is more foolish on the practical level of everday utility? At least the coat can keep a short haired dog warm. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/9 "2005-03-14T06:10:48Z")
We already have a poster who is big on the ‘randomly capitalize’ schtick. You need a new angle, **Merl**. ---
**Author:** ![WeRSauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f19dbf/32.png) [@WeRSauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WeRSauron)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/10 "2005-03-14T06:25:13Z")
Please be aware that the general rule in English, with a few exceptions (which are not really exceptions as much as they are changes in pronunciation), is that the indefinite article is rendered as _a_ before words beginning with a consonant sound while the indefinite article is rendered as _an_ before words beginning with a vowel sound. Hence, “_an_ apple,” “_a_ rabbit,” but “_an_ hour” and “_a_ UN delegate.” In view of the above, one would speak of “_a_ wanker” and not “_an_ wanker” as the “w” retains its cosonant sound in the English word “wanker.” Please also note that English has certain rules with regard to capitalization. Usually, only the first letter of certain words are capitalized. Furthermore, usually only acronyms and abbreviations have each letter capitalized. With regard to conventional etiquette on the Internet, the rendering of every letter of a word or of words is interpreted as shouting, which is quite rude. With all the above considered, a better title is: “You, sir and/or madam, engage in erotic self-stimulation, the performer of which is known colloquially as a “wanker,” if you would purchase this sweater marketed and available for purchase by Burberry, which is made for dogs, and which is priced at one hundred and fifty US dollars. Thank you.” Thank you for your kind attention. WRS - on behalf of the International Fascist Anal-Retentive English Grammar and Composition Association, Inc. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/11 "2005-03-14T06:41:01Z")
So is a dog who wears Burberry a chav? ---
**Author:** ![Merl\_Minnozza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@Merl\_Minnozza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merl_Minnozza)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/12 "2005-03-14T06:49:16Z")
Hey, I’m not saying people can’t buy whatever they want with their money. I’m just saying it’s tacky. > [@](#): > > In view of the above, one would speak of “a wanker” and not “an wanker” as the “w” retains its cosonant sound in the English word “wanker.” Ever heard of a silent W? Jeez! > [@](#): > > We already have a poster who is big on the ‘randomly capitalize’ schtick. You need a new angle, Merl. Not random. This would BE random capitalization, DO YOU see? ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/13 "2005-03-14T07:45:37Z")
Merl, the sad truth is there are some rich people out there so incredibly stupid that if you slapped a designer label on a cow pie, they’d buy it. Now, what you and me have gotta do is find ourselves some cows. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/14 "2005-03-14T08:41:29Z")
Mmmmmmmmmmm. Cow pie. ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/15 "2005-03-14T08:44:50Z")
If they’re rich enough to spend that much on dog clothes, then they’re probably rich enough to pay somebody to wank them. Would having other people doing the actual wanking keep them from being wankers? Or are they wankers by proxy since they’re the ones being wanked? ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/16 "2005-03-14T09:07:09Z")
Ah HA! But you have not seen the depth of depravity yet! They have so much money they PAY others to be willing wank-subjects! This is, of course, the kind of thing that someone that bought a Burberry sweater for an animal would do. [sub]wanker.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/17 "2005-03-14T09:19:12Z")
> [@Merl Minnozza](#): > > I was looking for an actual HUMAN Burberry Nova Check sweater (which apparently DO NOT EXIST) when I found [this.](http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=46298&item=4364794906&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW) > > Excuse me while I go throw up. Oh. I absolutely agree. Yesterday I was looking into the [calero.com](http://calero.com) domains for a friend, and found that it had been taken by a goddamn pet retreat?! A premier pet boarding facility, located in the beautiful Almaden Valley of San Jose, California, with air-conditioned / heated kennels and soothing music played during the day to help calm the goddamn pets and make them feel at home. WT-goddamn-motherfucking-F?! Soothing music?! Pets around here feel at home with loud banging music and obnoxious brats tying used cans to their tails. People who treat their pets as humans are fucking pathetic. People who buy expensive designer sweaters or send them to pet retreats should be chopped into small bits and buried in the back yard. > [@](#): > > We here at Calero Pet Retreat have a saying, “When your pet returns to us, he will be happy to see us!” I have a saying, “People who run pet retreats and their clients need an extra goddamn hole in their head.” ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/18 "2005-03-14T09:46:38Z")
I send them a mail saying my Shih -Tzu had been suffering some stress, but after an advice by my astrologer he has received a daily penile relief, to ensure the correct balance of bodily fluids according to ancient Egyptian wisdom, and is now doing much better. And whether that is a service they provide. I want to know if they’re dog wankers too. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/19 "2005-03-14T10:05:52Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > I send them a mail saying my Shih -Tzu had been suffering some stress, but after an advice by my astrologer he has received a daily penile relief, to ensure the correct balance of bodily fluids according to ancient Egyptian wisdom, and is now doing much better. And whether that is a service they provide. > > I want to know if they’re dog wankers too. No, you’d be the wanker in that situation. You didn’t really think they’d never gotten a call or email like that before, did you? Crank calls about jerking one’s dog off, blowing one’s dog, allowing one’s dog to blow oneself, it’s all old hat for anybody in any sort of pet business. We’ve heard it many, many times before, usually complete with sound effects. BTW, a pet retreat is just an upscale boarding facility. “Retreat” sounds nicer than “kennel.” They’re usually quite nice facilities and generally much better for the pet than sitting in a steel cage constantly. Boarders in such places are less likely to suffer stress-related destructiveness, anorexia, and gastroenteritis and the associated dehydration issues than those staying in more austere settings. They’re also far less likely to have hyperactivity issues upon returning home. Sounds like a damn good deal to me, both for pet and owner. ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422/20 "2005-03-14T10:18:57Z")
There you go. I’m not alone. Our numbers a legion. We’re a movement. Expect to see your business base buried in someone’s backyard. BTW. Buckingham Palace is an upscale one-room municipal housing-project flat. Next time I’ll use sound effects. If I just knew how a goddamn Shih –Tzu sounds like being masturbated. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-an-wanker-if-you-buy-a-150-burberry-dog-sweater/294422.md?page=2)