# You're being held captive by a madman. What fictional detective do you want on the case? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 27, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558 "2010-04-27T20:34:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/21 "2010-04-27T21:31:22Z")
Dexter. Rescue, Revenge & Resolution, all neatly wrapped up and in the bottom of the bay. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/22 "2010-04-27T21:34:04Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > That’s why I chose BATMAN. Didn’t do [Jason Todd](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Death_of_Jason_Todd.jpg) much good, did he? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/23 "2010-04-27T21:34:46Z")
Scooby Doo. Then I’ll know the bad guys were just trying to frighten me away while they looked for some ancient pirate treasure or some damn thing. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/24 "2010-04-27T21:35:03Z")
Definitely Sherlock Holmes. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/25 "2010-04-27T21:38:44Z")
Before I read any answers I thought Sherlock – a pretty impressive win-loss record, though as I recall, he was too late in at least one kidnapping case, so not perfect. Then I thought Batman. Well, lot of victories, but also a fair amount of preliminary losses and collateral damage, and his losses tend to be pretty gruesome for the kidnapee. Which means, while I hadn’t gotten there yet before reading replies, I was pretty much headed in the direction of > [@hogarth](#): > > Encyclopedia Brown. No one ever gets tortured, raped, murdered and/or eaten in an Encyclopedia Brown story. > [@Chronos](#): > > Scary that someone else thinks so much like me… That’s exactly what I was going to say. I guess we need to start a support group or something. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/26 "2010-04-27T21:45:16Z")
I think a better question would be who is going to protect the madman from me, as I’m going to object pretty strongly to being kidnapped, murdered, tortured, raped, and eaten. However, playing along under the rules as given, I choose Doc Savage and his assistants. I suspect I’d probably get along better with Monk that I would with Ham, but so be it. And if Pat(ricia) Savage is involved…chicka chicka bow…OW…damn…sorry Pat… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/27 "2010-04-27T21:47:57Z")
I was going to say Dexter, too–but he’s not really a detective. Plus, you’d have to hope the madman had enough of a “resume” to be on Dex’s radar. If the killer was just starting out, you’d have to be satisfied (?) with knowing a drop of his blood was destined for a slide in the Morgan collection. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/28 "2010-04-27T21:53:51Z")
Whom I don’t want is the team from **Bones**. They never get to you until you are well, bones. I would probably choose **Mighty Mouse** …"‘Here I come to save the day,’ means that Mighty Mouse is on the way"…and he always did get there just in time to save the day. If it had to be literary, then **Bulldog Drummond** …he too got there in time to save from death, torture, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/29 "2010-04-27T22:10:36Z")
John Taylor of the Nightside. With a whole week it’s unlikely he’ll fail, especially against a mere cannibalistic rapist; the people he fails with are generally those for whom it was already too late when he started. And unlike Encyclopedia Brown the bad guy probably won’t be in a position to come after me again in revenge. Also unlike Brown he’s unlikely to get eaten himself; it would be a shame to discover that the normal rules of kid’s lit don’t apply in this scenario by finding the bad guy gnawing on Brown’s thighbone. Plus Taylor’s way cooler. ---
**Author:** ![iftheresaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecae2f/32.png) [@iftheresaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iftheresaway)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/30 "2010-04-27T22:11:20Z")
I think I have to go with [Travis McGee](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Travis_McGee)- not only will I be rescued, but I’ll get a sun-drenched, gin-soaked vacation on a cozy houseboat afterward. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/31 "2010-04-27T22:12:25Z")
> [@TV\_time](#): > > Whom I don’t want is the team from **Bones**. They never get to you until you are well, bones. Sure they do. They find the next-to-last victim of the madman and realize he has two more victims in the works. I might also point out Angela. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/32 "2010-04-27T22:13:26Z")
Either Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Poirot. Probably Holmes, though. I think he can solve anything. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/33 "2010-04-27T22:32:59Z")
Spenser was my first thought too, for the rescue thing, but his cases drag on for months sometimes. We only have a week to wrap this up. Holmes is the most obvious choice for going toe-to-toe with a madman. Batman, of course, has the most on-the-job experience. But I would choose Steed and Mrs. Peel for their combination of English wit & leather catsuits. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/34 "2010-04-27T22:37:17Z")
Holmes & Watson. Or Batman & Robin. If a single detective only—James Bond, 007. Damned good record, that Bond. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/35 "2010-04-27T22:44:02Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > Spenser was my first thought too, for the rescue thing, but his cases drag on for months sometimes. We only have a week to wrap this up. Oh, he can work under pressure. It depends on the case. And he rarely fails. Other than Candy Southern, I can’t think of a big failure of his. There’s frequent collateral damage, though. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/36 "2010-04-27T22:56:50Z")
Kinsey Milhone. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/37 "2010-04-27T23:15:10Z")
Mike Hammer. Not only would he rescue you, but he’d do it in a politically incorrect manner. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/38 "2010-04-27T23:16:43Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > Spenser was my first thought too, for the rescue thing, but his cases drag on for months sometimes. We only have a week to wrap this up. . . I’m going with late in the series Spenser. If he’s under the pressure, he’ll call Hawk, he’ll call Vinnie, he’ll call Chollo, he’ll call Bobby Horse . . . you get the picture. However big a posse it takes, he’ll round it up. And if a few rules need to be broken, these guys won’t even think about letting that stop them. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/39 "2010-04-27T23:19:05Z")
Anybody but Jack Bauer. He is very good at stopping bombsa nd torturing folks, but not so much at saving lives (well individually, he is quite adept at saving millions of people). ---
**Author:** ![toodlepip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@toodlepip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toodlepip)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/40 "2010-04-27T23:20:51Z")
Miss Marple. Knitting a fluffy pink cardigan in the process. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558.md?page=3)