# You're being held captive by a madman. What fictional detective do you want on the case? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 27, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558 "2010-04-27T20:34:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/81 "2010-04-28T13:49:36Z")
> [@Baal\_Houtham](#): > > I’m no expert on Holmes, but maybe he never lost a physical battle against any opponent… is that right? I’m no expert, and can’t remember the case, but I’m pretty sure there’s at least one scene where Watson and the regular Police come upon Holmes being attacked (I think choked) by a villain. While the battle hadn’t concluded, Holmes does mention that it’s a good thing Watson arrived when he did. ---
**Author:** ![Scruff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Scruff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruff)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/82 "2010-04-28T14:20:13Z")
If we can stretch the definition of detective, my vote would be _Jack Parlabane_ (aided by _Tim Vale_, who I always imagine looks like Tim Gunn). Yes, he’s a newspaper reporter, but he figures stuff out in the nick of time. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/83 "2010-04-28T14:21:31Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > Incidentally, I am absolutely baffled by the lack of votes for Bob, Pete, and Jupe. I’ll call them when I have lost, oh, a sales presentation in a cab, or suspect my coffee shop is being spied upon by a rival seeking my blueberry pancakes recipe. But violence shall be required in the circumstances of the OP. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/84 "2010-04-28T14:24:10Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Yes, but EB’s an idiot. You can’t argue with a 100% (AFAIK) success rate. EDIT: I should read the whole thread before responding; the point has already been made. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/85 "2010-04-28T14:29:18Z")
My first thought: **Bond, James Bond** , but he was already taken above Then 2nd thought: **Jill Munroe** , oooh la la but someone chose Charlie’s Angels. Since no one took has mentioned **Agent 99** , I’ll go with her, since I had a crush on Barbara Feldon in my youth. Honorable Mention goes to **Dana Scully**. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/86 "2010-04-28T14:53:13Z")
Master Li and Number Ten Ox. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/87 "2010-04-28T14:55:26Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’ll call them when I have lost, oh, a sales presentation in a cab, or suspect my coffee shop is being spied upon by a rival seeking my blueberry pancakes recipe. But violence shall be required in the circumstances of the OP. Pete’s a pretty athletic guy. I’m sure that he can more than hold his own against the likes of B.A. Baracus and James Bond. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/88 "2010-04-28T15:01:46Z")
Andrew Vachss’s Burke. Not only would he find the madman (aided by the Mole & Max the Silent), but that is one kidnapper who would never see the light of day again. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/89 "2010-04-28T15:30:18Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > Pete’s a pretty athletic guy. I’m sure that he can more than hold his own against the likes of B.A. Baracus and James Bond. You’ve gone mad again. I’ll send help. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/90 "2010-04-28T15:50:09Z")
Fitz from [Cracker](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cracker_%28UK_TV_series%29). He was always good at figuring out the minds of serial killers, plus, as with others mentioned upthread, a good evening in the pub beckons post-rescue. Or if I get kidnapped in current location (near Venice) , [Aurelio Zen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aurelio_Zen) has the smarts, knows the ways around the bureacracy to get information plus he has enough cynicism to break the rules to get the job done - the last thing I need when I’m in danger is an idealist. ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/91 "2010-04-28T16:20:45Z")
Does anyone remember **Hec Ramsey**? that’s my guy. ---
**Author:** ![MTCicero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@MTCicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTCicero)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/92 "2010-04-28T16:32:59Z")
Why, [the Bloodhound Gang](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4273oOYy7s), of course! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/93 "2010-04-28T16:34:17Z")
> [@Icerigger](#): > > Does anyone remember **Hec Ramsey**? that’s my guy. Yeah. He was Paladin when he he got old and fat. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/94 "2010-04-28T17:15:12Z")
[Joe Pike](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Pike). ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/95 "2010-04-28T17:54:57Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > Batman. If he’s prepared. Jason Todd was voted dead. ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/96 "2010-04-28T17:58:22Z")
Emerson Cod. The previous murder would kick off their investigation, presumably, and if I died before resolution then Ned would bring me back to life for questioning. And I would run like hell. (Hopefully I’d be at least partially intact. Individuals in that universe don’t seem to suffer much from damage incurred during the process of death and afterward.) ---
**Author:** ![Loisseau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@Loisseau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loisseau)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/97 "2010-04-28T18:10:23Z")
Henning Mankell’s Kurt Wallender and daughter ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/98 "2010-04-28T18:13:00Z")
Oh hell, no! ---
**Author:** ![Loisseau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@Loisseau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loisseau)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/99 "2010-04-28T18:48:55Z")
And because he happens to be in the area–Jack Reacher or Harlan Coben’s Myron Bolitar and Joe Pike. ---
**Author:** ![mo50](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@mo50](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mo50)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558/100 "2010-04-28T19:04:14Z")
Fish, the Abe Vigoda character from Barney Miller 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-being-held-captive-by-a-madman-what-fictional-detective-do-you-want-on-the-case/537558.md?page=6)