# You're in denial that you knocked her up **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 2, 2010, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866 "2010-08-02T08:10:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/81 "2010-08-03T17:16:31Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > The odds of a childless guy under 35 finding a doctor who will perform a vasectomy are roughly the same as the odds of him getting pregnant himself. Is this really true? I always thought that vasectomies were reversible- I’ve even toyed with the idea of a fantasy world where all men are given vasectomies at puberty (or at birth, if it’s possible) and they have to petition to get it reversed when they’re ready to reproduce. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/82 "2010-08-03T17:21:52Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > > [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > > > I’ve known guys like that. Douchebags is right. > > Hopefully not in the Biblical sense ☹ Alas. Fortunately, I wasn’t the one who had the misfortune to get knocked up by him; it was the girl two girls after me. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/83 "2010-08-03T17:29:54Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > This is NOT Ward Cleaver and his attitude shows that he will not be a good father. Ward Cleaver a good father!? You don’t remember the time he hired Wally to paint the garbage cans but then gave the job to the Beav, and June called CPS!? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/84 "2010-08-03T17:31:13Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > > > The odds of a childless guy under 35 finding a doctor who will perform a vasectomy are roughly the same as the odds of him getting pregnant himself. > > Is this really true? > > I always thought that vasectomies were reversible- I’ve even toyed with the idea of a fantasy world where all men are given vasectomies at puberty (or at birth, if it’s possible) and they have to petition to get it reversed when they’re ready to reproduce. Vasovasostomy (that is, reattaching the plumbing) is possible in most cases, but it’s not quite as simple as reconnecting the pipe and watching the frustrated little sperm go. Vasectomies often result in blockage of the vas deferens; since nothing is passing through it, it basically fills up with assorted cellular detritus, or occasionally closes itself off. This becomes more and more likely over time. The other problem is that vasectomy typically results in a permanent reduction in sperm production, for reasons you’d have to have a urologist (or maybe a normal MD) explain; and that the sperm which are produced exhibit a much higher likelihood of chromosomal abnormalities. This not only reduces the chances of successful knock-uppage, but greatly increases the chance that any such pregnancy will be defective. ETA: If you’re asking about whether it’s really that hard to find a willing doctor: yes. Men who find that their vasectomies are irreversible tend to file a lot of lawsuits, regardless of how many releases they’ve signed. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/85 "2010-08-03T17:32:35Z")
Thanks for the info. Don’t know where I heard that it was easily reversible. ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/86 "2010-08-03T18:03:48Z")
If he is in doubt about the paternity, suggest that he have a DNA paternity test done. It is both easy, cheap and quick. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/87 "2010-08-03T18:16:33Z")
[quote=“AClockworkMelon, post:81, topic:548866”] > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > . . .- I’ve even toyed with the idea of a fantasy world where all men are given vasectomies at puberty (or at birth, if it’s possible) and they have to petition to get it reversed when they’re ready to reproduce. ACM for President! ! ! Seriously though, gettign him involved is not “sticking it to him.” Forcing him to pay is also giving him the right to participate, a priviledge he clearly doesn’t deserve, and will most likely never earn. But as soon as it’s prven that he is the Father, he’ll have consitutional right which are almost impossible to break, even after he does considerable damage to the children. Trust me on this, especially if you live in Virginia. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/88 "2010-08-03T18:23:37Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > ACM for President! I can only change my signature so often! ---
**Author:** ![kasuo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8c91f0/32.png) [@kasuo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kasuo)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/89 "2010-08-03T18:31:11Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > A paternity test should sort matters out once and for all. > > **Kasuo** , how are you going to feel if it turns out he is not the father? I can’t help but feel that you’re jumping to a conclusion here. Yes, it’s a reasonable conclusion. Yes, he probably is the father. But until a paternity test is done, it’s not definite. True, I’m making assumptions. If it turns out he’s not the father, I still think it’s messed up he’s not taking responsibility. In the hypothetical that she knew someone else is the father but was trying to stick it to idiot, that is messed up too and I’m glad to not associate with either parties. ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/90 "2010-08-03T18:31:33Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > The odds of a childless guy under 35 finding a doctor who will perform a vasectomy are roughly the same as the odds of him getting pregnant himself. Depends. My husband got one at 24, but the urologist made him wait 6 months to make sure he was “certain”. We had other friends get them in their early 20s, but I’ve heard horror stories too about docs being real jerks about it. [/tangent] ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/91 "2010-08-03T18:47:43Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > If he is in doubt about the paternity, suggest that he have a DNA paternity test done. It is both easy, cheap and quick. Did you miss the part in the OP where the woman was seeking a court order to force him to take one? That suggests that he isn’t interested in having one voluntarily. Bolding mine: > [@kasuo](#): > > What the FUCK is the matter with him? Is he really in that much fucking denial? I’m tripping on how fucking self-delusional he is, that he sure loves fucking chicks bareback and leaving DNA all up in them and yet figures the chicks will always take care of the contraception. He fucking wonders why “this one asian chick” he fucked a few months ago isn’t talking to him anymore. **He wonders why the girl who gave birth to twins is seeking a court order to force him to take a paternity test**. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/92 "2010-08-03T18:56:37Z")
> [@MN\_Maenad](#): > > > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > > > The odds of a childless guy under 35 finding a doctor who will perform a vasectomy are roughly the same as the odds of him getting pregnant himself. > > Depends. My husband got one at 24, but the urologist made him wait 6 months to make sure he was “certain”. We had other friends get them in their early 20s, but I’ve heard horror stories too about docs being real jerks about it. > > [/tangent] Had you and/or your husband already had kids? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/93 "2010-08-03T19:48:00Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I didn’t know you had a penis! These days, it mostly lives in the sock drawer. Anyway. There are enough parallels between male and female genitalia that I can safely say that if you \*literally cannot tell \*the difference between sex when your penis is covered in a layer of plastic and sex without that cover, that \*something \*isn’t working the way it’s supposed to. Hell, sex even feels different _for me_ when my partner is using a condom–and I’m not the one wearing it. It’s one thing to say you don’t \*mind \*sex while wearing a condom, but to say you “don’t notice the difference”? :dubious: > [@billfish678](#): > > Yeah, but sometimes its the size of the hot dog and sometimes its the size of the hallway… Indeed. I didn’t want to speculate as to which. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Thanks for the info. Don’t know where I heard that it was easily reversible. Probably \*in comparison to \*something like a tubal ligation. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/94 "2010-08-03T19:57:38Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > It’s one thing to say you don’t \*mind \*sex while wearing a condom, but to say you “don’t notice the difference”? :dubious: I didn’t mean to be taken literally when I said I don’t notice it. Maybe I should have said that I _barely_ notice it. Though I do have to say that my penis isn’t very sensitive (maybe from rampant masturbation?). For example, while inside a girl’s mouth, I can’t tell if she’s doing anything to the head of my dick with her tongue. I do mean that literally. ---
**Author:** ![Acantha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@Acantha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acantha)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/95 "2010-08-03T20:19:21Z")
> [@MN\_Maenad](#): > > > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > > > The odds of a childless guy under 35 finding a doctor who will perform a vasectomy are roughly the same as the odds of him getting pregnant himself. > > Depends. My husband got one at 24, but the urologist made him wait 6 months to make sure he was “certain”. We had other friends get them in their early 20s, but I’ve heard horror stories too about docs being real jerks about it. > > [/tangent] It may be easier now, but I know years ago they used to make women undergo psych evals if they wanted sterilization procedures in their twenties, especially if they had no children. A friend of mine had to deal with that crap in the 80s before they let her get her tubes tied. I don’t know if they did the same thing to men or not. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/96 "2010-08-03T20:33:59Z")
**Acantha** , it’s still very hard for pre-menopausal women to undergo elective sterilization. You can find lots of threads here with anecdotes from women with really, really terrible periods who can’t get their GYNs to agree to let them undergo hysterectomies. (“\*Let \*them,” like some kind of fucking _child_. Ugh.) > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Though I do have to say that my penis isn’t very sensitive (maybe from rampant masturbation?). For example, while inside a girl’s mouth, I can’t tell if she’s doing anything to the head of my dick with her tongue. I do mean that literally. That… doesn’t sound right at all. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/97 "2010-08-03T20:42:08Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Though I do have to say that my penis isn’t very sensitive (maybe from rampant masturbation?). For example, while inside a girl’s mouth, I can’t tell if she’s doing anything to the head of my dick with her tongue. I do mean that literally. Your penis makes me sad. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/98 "2010-08-03T20:45:08Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > > > What do you care about how other people feel about pregnancies? I also consider it similar to a disease, and a fetus a parasite that I want no part of. It irks me when people act like babies and pregnancy are some kind of exalted, holy things. > > What do you care how other people feel about pregnancies? I care (just barely enough to post about it) when someone posts something that seems negatively judgemental about how someone else feels about babies and pregnancies when it’s none of _their_ business, either. I think I’m getting lost down this rabbithole. How about everyone just stops judging how everyone else feels about babies and pregnancies? > [@Ogre](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > What do you care about how other people feel about pregnancies? I also consider it similar to a disease, and a fetus a parasite that I want no part of. It irks me when people act like babies and pregnancy are some kind of exalted, holy things. > > Seriously? You feel that way about a biologically necessary and normal process that every species on earth must engage in to remain evolutionarily fit? Good lord.\ Well, yeah. I wasn’t just typing to exercise my fingers. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/99 "2010-08-03T20:45:19Z")
**ACM** , You might want to Google (on a non-work computer) anything Dan Savage (of the Savage Love advice column) has to say about the “death grip.” In other words, desensitizing yourself to anything other than pretty vigorous efforts. He does talk about how to work against that effect, but it’ll take some time and effort. Alternately, consider talking to a doctor just to make sure everything’s OK. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866/100 "2010-08-03T20:45:33Z")
> [@Dante](#): > > Your penis makes me sad. That’s what she said. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-denial-that-you-knocked-her-up/548866.md?page=6)