# You're in the DCU, trapped & broke. Whose secret ID do you sell to the tabloids? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 27, 2010, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238 "2010-07-27T21:59:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/61 "2010-07-29T20:34:18Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Or ask Barbara if Bruce hasn’t rubbed off on him. Not to meddle, but would you like to rephrase that? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/62 "2010-07-29T20:49:17Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > > [@Bakhesh](#): > > > > Anyone read marvel 1985? > > > > [Marvel 1985 - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvel_1985) > > > > Sort of similar to this, where a kid from the real world finds his home town invaded my fictional marvel villains, and has to travel to the marvel universe to get help. The avengers and FF won’t listen to him, so he goes to the bugle and demands to speak to Peter Parker. > > Funny; although I couldn’t help thinking that if fictional villians showed up in our universe, within 12 hours of the authorities realizing they were real, all the non-invulnerable villians would be dead. I mean c’mon: the Vulture? \. The Lizard? \ The Red Skull? \. The reason there are no super heros OR villians in our universe is because of two subtle differences in the laws of Nature: people die when shot through the head, and they stay dead. I only agree with two of your examples. I can think of plenty of cases of the Lizard shrugging off gunfire; your ordinary beat cop is not going to be a match for him, and he’ll give a mundane SWAT team more than a little trouble as well, and might win until the Marines arrive. And the Red Skull is mostly a behind-the-scenes guy. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/63 "2010-07-30T02:11:02Z")
> [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](#): > > “Yes, Daily Planet? I’d like to speak with Mr. Kent. I have a story for him that even he’ll find hard to believe…” This was pretty much my thought too from the OP. While there’d be a temptation to call the former mayor of Star City that would just be because Green Arrow was my favourite DCU character. But I agree with **Little Plastic Ninja** , calling the Planet has got to be about the easiest route: “Hello, Mr. Kent, I have information on the possible identity of Superman…” _WHOOOOOSH_ “…oh, hiya Supes”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/64 "2010-07-30T02:14:48Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > [Wolverine] doesn’t live in the DCU. He doesn’t have tons of money. He doesn’t have a secret identity in any real sense… And additionally, Wolvie’s “code against killing” is… more of a guideline really… ---
**Author:** ![dzeiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/46a35a/32.png) [@dzeiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzeiger)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/65 "2010-07-30T06:42:40Z")
Can I just constantly prank call Kyle Rayner with “Is your refrigerator running?” gags? ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/66 "2010-07-30T11:02:42Z")
> [@dzeiger](#): > > Can I just constantly prank call Kyle Rayner with “Is your refrigerator running?” gags? You are a very bad man. Here is your internet. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/67 "2010-07-30T12:17:20Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > > [@dzeiger](#): > > > > Can I just constantly prank call Kyle Rayner with “Is your refrigerator running?” gags? > > You are a very bad man. Here is your internet. Agreed. On both points. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/68 "2010-07-30T17:21:06Z")
More practically, trying to track down a GL will cause problems, them spending a load of time on Oa recently. Iris isn’t a great choice, either, as she spends a good amount of time in the 31st century. Linda Park might be findable, though. But my point about Oracle is that I can make her find _me_. If things go badly, and being a dimensional traveler, there’s a good chance I’ll be kidnapped and rigged to something embarrassing, I kind of like that option. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2010, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/69 "2010-07-31T15:22:52Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > [Wolverine] doesn’t live in the DCU. He doesn’t have tons of money. He doesn’t have a secret identity in any real sense… > > And additionally, Wolvie’s “code against killing” is… more of a guideline really… I’m not aware that Wolverine has a code against killing. He’s shown that, if he absolutely had to do so to provide, he’d kill his own teammates. I think the only people he would rather die himself than kill in self-defense are Kitty, Jubilee, Mariko, and Heather. And at least two of those are dead. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/70 "2010-07-31T15:37:05Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > And at least two of those are dead. 😕 The status of the second “dead” one is iffy at best. She’ll be back, no doubt about it. That bullet will bounce off Galactus or something and she’ll be free. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/71 "2010-07-31T15:42:16Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > And at least two of those are dead. > > 😕 > > The status of the second “dead” one is iffy at best. She’ll be back, no doubt about it. That bullet will bounce off Galactus or something and she’ll be free. I was talking about Heather & Mariko. I had assumed the former was killed by the Collective, but checking Wikipedia I see her fate is iffy. I don’t think Kitty’s really dead, not least because I don’t think Whedon was capable of writing a story in which she died. Anyway, I stand by the assertion that Wolverine would consider his own death preferable to killing any of those four, but nobody else. And of course he was willing to euthanize Mariko. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/72 "2010-07-31T21:36:22Z")
Kitty’s back. Jubilee’s dead. With fangs. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2010, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/73 "2010-07-31T21:40:02Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > Kitty’s back. Jubilee’s dead. With fangs. I’m fairly sure I don’t want the second part explained; the usual feckless threats to anyone who dares. The first part is no surprise (and I already wrote that I doubted she’d stay gone), but I won’t complain because it’s the goddamn Shadowcat. Now if they’ll just bring back the motherfucking Wasp I’ll be happy. Of course, since I don’t buy comic books anymore, they probably don’t care what I think. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/74 "2010-08-01T01:21:47Z")
Blackmailing Batman is a… reckless idea. However, any DCU fan knows he has files on all his fellow superheroes, detailing how to take them down if the need arises, right? Surely Bats would be interested in any secret identities he doesn’t already know. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/75 "2010-08-01T01:24:24Z")
> [@Chef\_Troy](#): > > Blackmailing Batman is a… reckless idea. > > However, any DCU fan knows he has files on all his fellow superheroes, detailing how to take them down if the need arises, right? Surely Bats would be interested in any secret identities he doesn’t already know. You know, I simply see no reason to become friends with Batman. Unless your name is _Clark Kent_, there’s not likely to be a good result. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/76 "2010-08-01T01:25:53Z")
Janet’s playing the slots in Hades, waiting for a jackpot. She’s always been my favorite Avengers leader, and I’m not too concerned. She’ll be back. Skald, it’s not so bad. Jubilee got depowered after M-Day. When they took many mutants powers away. She became a New Warrior in time. Now, the X-Men appear to be going up against Dracula… and promo art featuring a vampire-looking Jubilee seem to be showing up. Could be worse. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/77 "2010-08-01T01:29:51Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > Janet’s playing the slots in Hades, waiting for a jackpot. She’s always been my favorite Avengers leader, and I’m not too concerned. She’ll be back. Yeah, but I’m still filled with feckless rage at the positively stupid manner of her death. Along with the depowering and pretty-much-useless-making-as-a-character of Wanda Maximoff, it makes me think bad things about the persons responsible for DISASSEMBLED and INVASION. > [@](#): > > Skald, it’s not so bad. Jubilee got depowered after M-Day. When they took many mutants powers away. She became a New Warrior in time. Now, the X-Men appear to be going up against Dracula… and promo art featuring a vampire-looking Jubilee seem to be showing up. Could be worse. Hmm. Is she still 14? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/78 "2010-08-01T01:38:28Z")
Heck, Curt Swan wrote and drew a 1983 story in which he wakes up in the DC universe. He drops in on Clark Kent. Everything’s cool. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/79 "2010-08-01T02:28:19Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > Now, the X-Men appear to be going up against Dracula… and promo art featuring a vampire-looking Jubilee seem to be showing up. Could be worse. It’s been awhile since I kept up with continuity; at one point Dr. Strange had suceeded in undoing the ancient spell that made vampirism possible, so that vampires simply couldn’t exist in that universe anymore. Was that addressed in some storyline, or simply abandoned in a reboot? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/80 "2010-08-01T03:41:30Z")
> [@](#): > > You know, I simply see no reason to become friends with Batman. Unless your name is Clark Kent, there’s not likely to be a good result. Then again, you probably don’t want to be enemies with him, either. I think it’s safe to say that just being in the general vicinity of Batman for any reason is unwise. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238.md?page=5)