# You're in the DCU, trapped & broke. Whose secret ID do you sell to the tabloids? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 27, 2010, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238 "2010-07-27T21:59:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/81 "2010-08-01T03:46:37Z")
I’d out Supes or ask him for a job, like another poster recommended. There’s absolutely no fucking way that I’d out Batman. I’d rather NOT have my ass turned inside out by the Joker, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/82 "2010-08-01T03:53:55Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > You know, I simply see no reason to become friends with Batman. Unless your name is Clark Kent, there’s not likely to be a good result. > > Then again, you probably don’t want to be enemies with him, either. I think it’s safe to say that just being in the general vicinity of Batman for any reason is unwise. My point exactly. I mean, making friends with Batman probably involves GOING TO GOTHAM CITY. Who on Earth wants to do that? There’s a lot less street crime in Metropolis (unless Chuck Austen is writing), and even if you get caught up in a bank robbery, there’s good odds that just yelling “Help, Superman, help!” will work. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/83 "2010-08-01T10:35:48Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > It’s been awhile since I kept up with continuity; at one point Dr. Strange had suceeded in undoing the ancient spell that made vampirism possible, so that vampires simply couldn’t exist in that universe anymore. Was that addressed in some storyline, or simply abandoned in a reboot? Voodoo woman Marie Laveau resurrected Varnae, which somehow negated the Montersi Formula. Yes, Varnae. Varney. That was about 10 years back. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/84 "2010-08-01T14:18:00Z")
It would be damn funny to have the DCU-me be aware of the karmic problems that **Miller** mentioned. Just imagine, you’re in the Watchtower so you can tell your story to the whole JLA, when Batman walks in. Cut to the stranded guy going into hysterics “No, he can’t be here! If he’s here I’m gonna die! He’s evil! EVIL!” ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/85 "2010-08-01T16:04:54Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You know, I simply see no reason to become friends with Batman. Unless your name is _Clark Kent_, there’s not likely to be a good result. Besides that, there’s the fact that it’s virtually impossible - unless you raised him, or you’re an attractive female villain whose name is not Harley Quinn or Poison Ivy. Outside that, you’re lucky if he treats you like an employee. Unless you’re talking about Dick, in which case if you don’t join one of his teams, you should be fine - the civilians he befriends tend to be fine. Except that priest… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/86 "2010-08-01T16:10:59Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > You know, I simply see no reason to become friends with Batman. Unless your name is _Clark Kent_, there’s not likely to be a good result. > > Besides that, there’s the fact that it’s virtually impossible - unless you raised him, or you’re an attractive female villain whose name is not Harley Quinn or Poison Ivy. > > Outside that, you’re lucky if he treats you like an employee. > > Unless you’re talking about Dick, in which case if you don’t join one of his teams, you should be fine - the civilians he befriends tend to be fine. Except that priest… I meant Bruce. Dick’s a mensch; his most major failing is that he loves Bruce as much as he hates him. ETA: Also, I doubt Bruce sleeps with most (if any) of the bimbos he’s seen cavorting with; certainly he doesn’t do so with the lights on, as he’s got tons of scars he doesn’t want to explain. I expect the number of women he’s been with is not much bigger than Clark. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/87 "2010-08-02T10:11:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > ETA: Also, I doubt Bruce sleeps with most (if any) of the bimbos he’s seen cavorting with; certainly he doesn’t do so with the lights on, as he’s got tons of scars he doesn’t want to explain. I expect the number of women he’s been with is not much bigger than Clark. Those who aren’t villainesses, I think can be counted on one hand - I’d not doubt Silver St Cloud…that’s it. The others who are confirmed or probable - Talia, Selena, Jezebel Jet - are all villainesses, who knew his double-identity. (Although Bruce didn’t _know_ that when he probably slept with Jezebel. But he did have the cover of being an extreme sports freak to explain the scarring.) ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/88 "2010-08-02T10:29:45Z")
Oh, and since it was brought up… Clark’s ‘probably did it’ count, off the top of my head - Lois confirmed, Lana seems likely, Cat seems almost definite, the scientist from Buseik’s run is a probable… I have a feeling he’s been romantically linked with more women with whom there are no major anatomical issues preventing the relationships becoming sexual, but I’m blanking on any specifics. Given the way most of the girls in the Legion act around him in the teenage Legion stories, I’d not be surprised if he slept with one or more of them. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/89 "2010-08-02T13:57:52Z")
Skald, I’d just like to thank you, you bastard, for reigniting my crush on the Dark Knight. :mad: It’s your damn fault that I’m going to have to play through Arkham Asylum yet again just to listen to Kevin Conroy. I hope you’re pleased with yourself. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/90 "2010-08-02T14:19:35Z")
Vicki Vale isn’t a villainess. Nor is Julie Madison. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/91 "2010-08-02T15:25:00Z")
I’ve always wondered something (not a big DCU collector): does Darkseid massacre his advisors frequently? ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/92 "2010-08-02T15:49:08Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > I’ve always wondered something (not a big DCU collector): does Darkseid massacre his advisors frequently? He massacres his family members regularly. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/93 "2010-08-02T16:31:41Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Oh, and since it was brought up… > > Clark’s ‘probably did it’ count, off the top of my head - Lois confirmed, Lana seems likely, Cat seems almost definite, the scientist from Buseik’s run is a probable… I have a feeling he’s been romantically linked with more women with whom there are no major anatomical issues preventing the relationships becoming sexual, but I’m blanking on any specifics. Given the way most of the girls in the Legion act around him in the teenage Legion stories, I’d not be surprised if he slept with one or more of them. I was only counting Lois (definite) and Lana (likely but unverified). I’m not sure Cat’s time at the Planet is still in continuity, as most of the Byrne run has been retconned. As for the girl Legionnaires, I think not for most of them, if only because, during the classic Legion run, most of them were paired off with other Legionnaires. Saturn Girl was with Lightning Lad almost from the get-go, for instance. Shadow Lass & Triplicate Girl/Triad/Duo Damsel had crushes on him, but both swiftly moved on for greener pastures. Projectra hooked up with Karate Kid quickly; Dream Girl with Star Boy; and so on. The only two of the classic female Legionnaires who didn’t have an explicitly physical relationship with a teammate or fellow hero are Dawnstar (and we know what’s going on there) and Supergirl (which I won’t go into simply from terror). ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/94 "2010-08-02T16:33:59Z")
Wait, I thought Superboy of the Legion was a different character from Clark Kent. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/95 "2010-08-02T16:37:08Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Wait, I thought Superboy of the Legion was a different character from Clark Kent. They’ve retconned Superman’s history with the Legion back into existence. As I understand it, he spent some years in the future with them, but after the first Crisis lost contact with them. This is part of why I don’t think he killed the Phantom Zone villains anymore. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/96 "2010-08-02T17:00:27Z")
Don’t forget all the trips to Kandor Supes made during the Silver Age. You _know_ he wasn’t there for the cooking. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/97 "2010-08-02T17:37:37Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Don’t forget all the trips to Kandor Supes made during the Silver Age. You _know_ he wasn’t there for the cooking. He was dating Lois pretty steadily then, and made no attempt to hide these trips from him; she went herself from time to time, as it was there she learned Kryptonian martial arts. Not that it matters. Everybody knows that Kal really belongs with Hippolyta anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/98 "2010-08-02T18:12:27Z")
Oh, and since nobody’s picked up **Skald** ’s obvious straight line yet, > [@](#): > > Dick’s a mensch; And [(Über)mensch is a dick](http://superdickery.com/). (you did intend that as a straight line, right, **Skald**?) ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/99 "2010-08-02T18:14:00Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Oh, and since nobody’s picked up **Skald** ’s obvious straight line yet, > > > [@](#): > > > > Dick’s a mensch; > > And [(Über)mensch is a dick](http://superdickery.com/). > > (you did intend that as a straight line, right, **Skald**?) Not until after I wrote it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238/100 "2010-08-02T20:53:19Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m not sure Cat’s time at the Planet is still in continuity, as most of the Byrne run has been retconned. Her current time there makes no sense if her previous stories aren’t in. She has a pre-existing relationship with Lois, Clark, and Perry, and it just doesn’t make sense that Perry’d put up with her behaviour - both the way she treats others (well, maybe this part - he tolerates Steve), and her insistence on going against the Planet’s editorial bent with her articles - without that pre-existing history. (Also, I believe her son was explicitly mentioned, but can’t look for it, right now.) > [@](#): > > Shadow Lass & Triplicate Girl/Triad/Duo Damsel had crushes on him, but both swiftly moved on for greener pastures. Phantom Girl, too. (Although she paired off with her final love a lot earlier than Luornu. I don’t remember Shady having any significant feelings for Clark before meeting Mon-El.) And what might stop it is less likely to be the girls - none of the ones who expressed actual interest in Clark were with anyone for some time after meeting him - than Clark - he’s a fairly old-fashioned 20th-century boy, they’re 30th century girls…far more likely to be ‘I like you, you like me, neither of us is attached (yet), so why not?’ > [@Chronos](#): > > Wait, I thought Superboy of the Legion was a different character from Clark Kent. All three of the Superfamily hung out with a Legion - Superman while he was Superboy hung out with his world’s Legion. Superboy somehow jumped into the pre-Crisis multiverse to hang with the Legion of a now-non-existent universe (can’t remember the number, but it’s 3 digits). Supergirl was revealed to have bounced into the Earth-Prime universe, when the pre-Crisis Legion was brought back. (From some of the things that happened I kind of suspect that was Waid’s intent when he was writing the series, but it was never stated until afterwards.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-dcu-trapped-broke-whose-secret-id-do-you-sell-to-the-tabloids/548238.md?page=6)