# You're in the midst of an emotional upset. Do you generally want to talk about it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 2, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024 "2012-07-02T19:36:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/21 "2012-07-03T11:00:50Z")
> [@carlotta](#): > > Female. I wished there was a “rarely want to talk about it” option. I almost never want to talk about it, but every so often I do, so I couldn’t pick never. I picked never after having the same sort of thoughts reading the choices because sometimes I **have** to talk about it, but I never **want** to. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/22 "2012-07-03T11:25:40Z")
If I wanted to talk about it, I’d have been talking, wouldn’t I? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/23 "2012-07-04T08:08:03Z")
I went with “talk about it”, but it’s not exactly talk. It’s more like me just rambling on about what’s bothering me. It’s not an interactive thing at all. And, if we’re talking about anger, I don’t even really care whether someone’s listening. I just need to get it out. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/24 "2012-07-04T12:58:56Z")
Female, 29. There are three people I can talk about these things with: my husband, my Aunt, and my psychologist. In general I tend to be averse to expressing strong emotion in front of other people. I want to be in control of myself when socially interacting. But I need to talk about it with someone, and the aforementioned individuals are the ones I can trust. I almost always talk about my emotional upsets with them. To a lesser extent I talk about things with friends, but I don’t really let them get the full brunt of it. I really don’t want to be perceived as a negative person. I also have a tendency to assume people understand how I’m feeling without saying a word… so I’ll think I’m being open but really I’m not. To be perfectly frank The Straight Dope knows more about my emotional life than most people I know IRL. Though I am learning to reach out more and take risks with others. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/25 "2012-07-04T13:44:02Z")
If I’m upset, sometimes I want to talk, but I **NEVER** want to argue. I hate arguing when I’m upset, but some people seem to thrive on it. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/26 "2012-07-04T15:34:24Z")
I said sometimes since often if something is bothering me, I will give myself time to resolve it internally (I live in my head). I also said there is only one person I want to talk to because I will want to talk to one specific person but it’s not always the same one. Sometimes it’s my husband. Sometimes my sister. Sometimes my mom. Sometimes my dad. Usually, when I reach the talking stage it’s because I can’t resolve it on my own and need help (rarely in the form of commiseration). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/27 "2012-07-04T22:11:38Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I am sending a Taye Diggs model hookerbot over with three varieties of cheesecake, both hot and cold tea, and assorted alcoholic beverages; his orders are to comfort you however you choose. No chocolate? That’s it - you’re on The List. My husband and I have very quiet fights - both of us are working things out in our own heads before saying anything. I grew up in a home with screaming, throwing things fights going on regularly - I try very hard not to do that. The hazard for us is for both of us to clam up and not say anything about what’s bothering us. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/28 "2012-07-04T22:19:53Z")
I tend to bottle things up…to the point where it’s nail-pullingly difficult _to_ talk about things when I finally really actually _want_ to. I attribute this at least partly to growing up with people who _didn’t_ really bottle up their emotional upsets, or put up a halfassed passive-aggressive “no, nothing’s wrong” show of hiding that they were upset. End result? Low blood pressure, but chronic nightmares. That sums it up decently. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/29 "2012-07-05T14:51:54Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/30 "2012-07-05T20:38:44Z")
Female: if I’m in the middle of an emotional mess, I don’t want to talk, don’t want to be touched, and want everybody to GET THE FUCK LOST NOW. Once I’ve calmed down, I can talk about it. Littlebro (definitely male) is the same way. Middlebro needs prompting to start talking, but once he starts he behaves like Mom… “I had a problem with my boss at work” involves a rehash of every single problem they’ve had with a boss or other supervisor starting in kindergarten. Mom? Try shutting her up; if you figure out how, I want the recipe. Part of the reason is a reaction to my mother’s babbling and rehashing things from the dawn of time (I’ve seen the woman get worked up about things which happened to her great-grandmother, FFS), partly it’s cultural. There’s a saying, actually a legal principle stemming from Roman Law: “he who stays silent, gives in.” In my father’s family (and in general in the area he was from), Roman legal tradition does not apply and the corrected saying goes “he who stays silent is looking for a polite way to say ‘dude, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard’”. We don’t mix well with the ones who talk through problems. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/31 "2012-07-05T20:40:22Z")
Male. I voted ‘usually’. But I rarely do end up actually talking about it. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2012, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/32 "2012-07-05T20:47:15Z")
Sometimes, and it also depends. If it’s one of those things I know is petty but still riles me the unholy hell up, I’ll vent to anyone who will listen. If it’s truly crushing and/or personal, I may want to talk about it, and only a small list of people will do. ---
**Author:** ![Arabella\_Flynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@Arabella\_Flynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arabella_Flynn)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/33 "2012-07-08T04:08:05Z")
I always want to put it into words. I frequently realize that airing these words in front of other people would be a terrible idea for anyone of a large number of reasons. I have a public blog in which I can post general rants, a private blog where I can post more personal things I would like outside opinions on, and a password-protected folder where I can put things nobody needs to be exposed to. If I’m pissed off sometimes ranting at someone out loud is a help, especially if I realize that I’m angry at something I can’t change. I hate crying in front of other people with the burning passion of a thousand suns, and I try never to get myself into a position where I’ll be doing it. Therapists, as you can imagine, are not a lot of help. ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/34 "2012-07-08T04:24:46Z")
I’m female and I voted “sometimes.” It really depends on what is making me upset and whether or not it’s something fixed or something still developing. For example, if a pet, friend, or family member died, that’s not a problem to be solved and I have no desire to discuss it. If, however, I’m in trouble at work, having issues with a boyfriend etc., then I probably do want to discuss it because I want assistance deciding what to do about it. If I’ve been dumped by a boyfriend, I definitely want to talk about it. But that’s because I’m feeling lonely and pathetic and I want a sympathetic friend around. ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024/35 "2012-07-08T04:44:07Z")
I am a sometimes, with a small and big group. Mostly I keep to myself and clean my rifle. **CAPT** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-in-the-midst-of-an-emotional-upset-do-you-generally-want-to-talk-about-it/627024.md?page=1)