# You're Invited! But, Is This Tacky? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2019, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972 "2019-04-24T02:17:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/1 "2019-04-24T02:17:16Z")
We’re sending out invitations to a modest house party. In addition, each invitation is being supplemented with additional FYIs about what to expect. Not realizing the RSVP instructions already appears on the main invite, I added it to the supplemental sheet. Does it seem pushy to have it in two places? Or, is it ok to repeat it? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/2 "2019-04-24T02:18:56Z")
It’s ok. It will be a reminder to do it. ---
**Author:** ![UnwittingAmericans](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d9b06d/32.png) [@UnwittingAmericans](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwittingAmericans)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/3 "2019-04-24T10:19:13Z")
It’s fine. However, unless the party is tonight, there’s not much point in paying any attention to anyone who RSVPs “Yes.” ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/4 "2019-04-24T10:43:59Z")
Bear in mind that most people won’t read past the first sentence of anything. NO ONE (except me) will read a “supplemental sheet.” Not tacky, just completely ineffective. I’m wondering why this shindig requires a document telling people _what to expect._ If there are special instructions like what to wear, or bring your own bug spray/sunscreen/steaks/booze, try to condense those instructions down to twitter-length messages. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/5 "2019-04-24T13:23:16Z")
It’s fine. The modern eye has evolved so that it no longer sees R.S.V.P. anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/6 "2019-04-24T15:38:11Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > I’m wondering why this shindig requires a document telling people _what to expect._ If there are special instructions like what to wear, or bring your own bug spray/sunscreen/steaks/booze, try to condense those instructions down to twitter-length messages. This is my big question. What kind of party do you throw that needs a page of explanations? Hell, I’ve done those murder mystery parties and the instructions were one line dress in 1920’s clothing. I don’t think including it twice is a bid deal since it seems natural to put it at the bottom of each part of the invite so people don’t forget but I’m just so confused why there is a separate page. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/7 "2019-04-24T15:42:39Z")
I dont like RSVP. Yes, you do need to know who is coming but I dont see why I have to respond if I am not interested or busy. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/8 "2019-04-24T15:58:02Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I dont like RSVP. Yes, you do need to know who is coming but I dont see why I have to respond if I am not interested or busy. Because while you know that’s what your lack of response means, the host doesn’t. No response at all could mean that you didn’t get the invitation (did they have the wrong address? Did your dog eat it? Did it get lost in the spam folder?) or it could mean that you are planning on coming, but something happened to the response (they too have a dog and overzealous spam folder). And then the host has to follow up personally to find out whether or not you are coming. With a clear “no,” they can spend their time hunting down the other people that they don’t have responses for. I’m also wondering what the instructions are for this shindig. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/9 "2019-04-24T16:01:34Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I dont like RSVP. Yes, you do need to know who is coming but I dont see why I have to respond if I am not interested or busy. Oh, I don’t know. Courtesy? Civility? Good manners? Consideration toward a person who cared enough to invite you? Being a grown-up? It takes about two seconds, and with today’s electronic means of communication you don’t even need to talk to the person. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/10 "2019-04-24T16:08:27Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I dont like RSVP. Yes, you do need to know who is coming but I dont see why I have to respond if I am not interested or busy. Right before your “but”, you said “yes, you need to know who is coming.” You don’t understand why you “have” to respond? If you’re not interested or busy, you will be helping out someone that thought enough of you to give you an invite. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/11 "2019-04-24T16:08:53Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Oh, I don’t know. Courtesy? Civility? Good manners? Consideration toward a person who cared enough to invite you? Being a grown-up? It takes about two seconds, and with today’s electronic means of communication you don’t even need to talk to the person. It is “civil” to demand a response? ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/12 "2019-04-24T16:12:22Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > It is “civil” to demand a response? Yes. Though if the ‘demand’ includes threats of torture and death for failure to comply, that’s marginally less civil. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/13 "2019-04-24T16:13:11Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > It is “civil” to demand a response? Do you know what the SVP in RSVP stands for? ---
**Author:** ![Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tired_and_Cranky)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/14 "2019-04-24T16:14:13Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > It is “civil” to demand a response? It is civil to request one. The “P” in RSVP stands for “please” (“plait” in French) and is just a request. The civil thing to do in response is grant the courtesy for all the reasons discussed above. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/15 "2019-04-24T18:08:53Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > It is “civil” to demand a response? Holy cow, is that really how you see it? How old are you anyway? As was just pointed out, “RSVP is an initialism derived from the French phrase _Répondez s’il vous plaît_, meaning ‘Please respond’ to require confirmation of an invitation.” Tell ya what. Stick to this attitude and pretty soon you won’t get any more invitations, so problem solved. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2019, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/16 "2019-04-24T22:38:28Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Holy cow, is that really how you see it? How old are you anyway? > > As was just pointed out, “RSVP is an initialism derived from the French phrase _Répondez s’il vous plaît_, meaning ‘Please respond’ to require confirmation of an invitation.” > > Tell ya what. Stick to this attitude and pretty soon you won’t get any more invitations, so problem solved. Sigh, I wish that were true. Sadly, DrDeth seems to represent a lot of (at least younger) people. Hey, come, don’t come, I don’t care, but if I run out of food or booze you only have yourself to blame. It occurs to me though that possibly DrDeth has never hosted a party and so has no idea what the consequences are of not have a decent idea of who is coming. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/17 "2019-04-25T00:25:34Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Sigh, I wish that were true. Sadly, DrDeth seems to represent a lot of (at least younger) people. Hey, come, don’t come, I don’t care, but if I run out of food or booze you only have yourself to blame. > > It occurs to me though that possibly DrDeth has never hosted a party and so has no idea what the consequences are of not have a decent idea of who is coming. That’s not it. People who respond with “I am coming” you plan for. Just specify that. Hey if you dont respond yes, then I wont have plans for you". I mean, lets face it, a certain % of those who say yes aint coming anyway. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/18 "2019-04-25T00:39:51Z")
n/m ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/19 "2019-04-25T00:43:46Z")
n/m above was posted in the wrong thread ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/20 "2019-04-25T01:02:07Z")
n/m the n/m? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972.md?page=2)