# You're Invited! But, Is This Tacky? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2019, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972 "2019-04-24T02:17:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/21 "2019-04-25T02:05:09Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > That’s not it. People who respond with “I am coming” you plan for. Just specify that. Hey if you dont respond yes, then I wont have plans for you". > > I mean, lets face it, a certain % of those who say yes aint coming anyway. There’s also the simple courtesy of saying, “I’m so sorry I won’t be able to attend, but I really appreciate the invitation.” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/22 "2019-04-25T02:14:15Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > That’s not it. People who respond with “I am coming” you plan for. Just specify that. Hey if you dont respond yes, then I wont have plans for you". > > I mean, lets face it, a certain % of those who say yes aint coming anyway. Never planned a wedding reception or any kind of catered event where you pay for every plate of food in advance, and more food doesn’t magically appear if your guests decide to bring along a +1 at the last minute, or their grandmother who’s in town for the last time before she goes to the senior life apartment? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/23 "2019-04-25T02:15:12Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Never planned a wedding reception or any kind of catered event where you pay for every plate of food in advance, and more food doesn’t magically appear if your guests decide to bring along a +1 at the last minute, or their grandmother who’s in town for the last time before she goes to the senior life apartment? Then what use would RSVP do then either? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/24 "2019-04-25T02:21:22Z")
I’m confused about the supplemental information. Would you mind including what it says? This would help us to better answer the question. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/25 "2019-04-25T02:49:53Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Then what use would RSVP do then either? It’s supposed to tell the guest that this is a serious thing and PLEASE let us know if you and X number of people plan on attending, and not bring your last-minute date. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/26 "2019-04-25T07:27:17Z")
I would probably only respond in the unlikely event that I was attending. Parties of any kind aren’t my thing (and a sheet of addtional instructions sounds weirdly formal and even more off-putting ) My wife would respond in either case and she’d be more likely to attend than me anyway and certainly wouldn’t give a toss about slight variations of formal party invite etiquette. Being on the other end of the RSVP is never going to happen as I won’t ever be offering an invite over and above the number of people I can invite by word of mouth. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/27 "2019-04-25T11:09:59Z")
I think someone is just pissy because they’ve never recieved an invitation to any event. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/28 "2019-04-25T11:22:14Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > There’s also the simple courtesy of saying, “I’m so sorry I won’t be able to attend, but I really appreciate the invitation.” No, I think **DrDeth** would only be willing to respond, “I really appreciate the invitation.” ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/29 "2019-04-25T11:35:05Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > …My wife would respond in either case and she’d be more likely to attend than me anyway and certainly wouldn’t give a toss about slight variations of formal party invite etiquette… We’re not talking about “formal party invite etiquette” here, just normal human courtesy and giving your hosts a break. Formal party etiquette requires a handwritten response in formal language following the formula of the invitation. And it needs to be on your personal letterhead or correspondence card, which I’m guessing you do not possess. > [@](#): > > Being on the other end of the RSVP is never going to happen as I won’t ever be offering an invite over and above the number of people I can invite by word of mouth. Self-knowledge is a Good Thing. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/30 "2019-04-25T12:32:58Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I think someone is just pissy because they’ve never recieved an invitation to any event. God no, not receiving invites is a really good thing. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/31 "2019-04-25T12:40:20Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > We’re not talking about “formal party invite etiquette” here, just normal human courtesy and giving your hosts a break. Formal party etiquette requires a handwritten response in formal language following the formula of the invitation. And it needs to be on your personal letterhead or correspondence card, which I’m guessing you do not possess. Believe me, in my world RSVP’s and a list of additional information is very much “formal party etiquette”. My social interactions go no further than “going for a drink and a chat” > [@](#): > > Self-knowledge is a Good Thing. Carry on. Well quite, I hate parties. Small group informal get-togethers are the only things I enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/32 "2019-04-25T15:31:03Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > No, I think **DrDeth** would only be willing to respond, “I really appreciate the invitation.” Right, if I planned on going I would let them know. I may or may not send regrets, depending on how close I am to the invitee and how worded. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/33 "2019-04-25T16:45:56Z")
Ironically (and true to form) our OP has not returned to the thread to thank us for our replies or to answer any follow-up questions. Why should he expect replies to his party RSVPs? ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/34 "2019-04-25T16:49:10Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Ironically (and true to form) our OP has not returned to the thread to thank us for our replies or to answer any follow-up questions. Why should he expect replies to his party RSVPs? _checks calendar_ Give it another week. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/35 "2019-04-25T17:02:08Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Then what use would RSVP do then either? An RSVP tells them they can stop waiting to see if you’re going to say “No, wait, I’m coming!” at the very last minute. It allows them to establish a firm number and begin preparing and placing orders earlier. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/36 "2019-04-25T17:34:25Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > It’s supposed to tell the guest that this is a serious thing and PLEASE let us know if you and X number of people plan on attending, and not bring your last-minute date. Hm, I normally address the issue with a very plain “Mr/Ms Name and Plus One” and then in the body of the invite will as needed in nice writing hand write 'please, no children under \ please or please do not bring dogs unless they are service animals and I might add something along the lines of mentioning no alcohol will be served [I have occasionally rented a venue that was a church hall where there was a no alcohol policy] as I feel the hand writing draws attention to itself where printing the info along with everything else makes it get lost in the shuffle. I also do the clasic wedding thing of enclosing a self addressed stamped post card for less formal and an actual SASE response card in envelope for more formal occasions. Why yes, I was actually taught to properly hostess and organize events, why do you ask? 😛 - I was actually acting as my Dad’s ‘official’ hostess starting around the age of 12, my mom hated doing it, and ended up running for office and not really having the time to do it properly - on the great side, I managed to sit next to and spend quality chat time with Buzz Aldrin :eek:😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fiveroptic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiveroptic/32/8257_2.png) [@Fiveroptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveroptic)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/37 "2019-04-25T17:42:23Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I dont like RSVP. Yes, you do need to know who is coming but I dont see why I have to respond if I am not interested or busy. Because to do otherwise is rude, inconsiderate, and boorish. Is it really that much of an imposition to be polite to someone who invites you to their special function? ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/38 "2019-04-25T17:45:03Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Right, if I planned on going I would let them know. I may or may not send regrets, depending on how close I am to the invitee and how worded. That’s great, that you know you didn’t respond because you aren’t coming . Tell me how I ( as the host) know which of the following groups you fall into 1. No response means s/he’s not coming 2. They didn’t mean to not respond- each half of a couple thought the other responded or the email went to the wrong address, or the response card got misdelivered or…In any event , they thought they responded “yes” and are planning to be there but the host doesn’t know it. Each response may account for multiple people so that if I don’t get a response form my aunt and uncle that means I also didn’t get a response fromtheir 5 children. 3. You didn’t respond because you never got the invite- which means you aren’t coming. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/39 "2019-04-25T17:48:12Z")
> [@Fiveroptic](#): > > Because to do otherwise is rude, inconsiderate, and boorish. Is it really that much of an imposition to be polite to someone who invites you to their special function? Why make it any more complicated when there is an easy option? Just say on the invite that any acceptance is required by xx/xx or the assumption will be made that you can’t attend. Simple and no extra effort needed by anyone. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2019, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972/40 "2019-04-25T17:59:11Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > Why make it any more complicated when there is an easy option? Just say on the invite that any acceptance is required by xx/xx or the assumption will be made that you can’t attend. Simple and no extra effort needed by anyone. Yeah, like I trust the people I know not to slide in well after the deadline and still expect me to accommodate them. And if I don’t, _I’m_ the asshole. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-invited-but-is-this-tacky/832972.md?page=3)