# You're nobody till you're somebody's Mommy **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 16, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967 "2004-11-16T01:03:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/81 "2004-11-17T20:03:23Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > How would you even know? Are these women who’ve all had failed in vitro or do they just know fertilization took place? If you are charting and temping, a good number of women have a temperature surge right at ovulation, and fail to have a temperature drop should fertilization occur. Shortly after that, you can take a pregnancy test. Earliest I’ve heard of a positive test is 10 days past ovulation - mine came 12 days past ovulation. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/82 "2004-11-17T22:12:24Z")
Ah, thanks, **Caricci** and **Bibliocat**. I’ll feel okay about knitting while I study, then. Or studying while I knit would be more apt, I suppose. And I think Knitty von Knitstein is a beautiful name. So dignified. 😃 I secretly covet **Minnie Purl** ’s username, and if the board allowed nameswaps, I’d be willing to throw in a pair of Turbo needles to sweeten the deal. To make this not a complete highjack: . . . beans? That’s not right, man. According to DiscoveryHealth, [15 to 20% of pregnancies](http://health.discovery.com/centers/pregnancy/americanbaby/miscarriage.html) can end in spontaneous abortion, half of those before the woman even knows she’s pregnant. Most of those are because of genetic errors. So, save your adoration for the babies that did make it or will make it, not on your _beans_. I feel compelled to make a signature in memory of every single one of the eggs I’ve lost through menstruation. I think I shall call them . . . cyto-angels. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/83 "2004-11-17T22:28:23Z")
> [@Miss Purl McKnittington](#): > > I feel compelled to make a signature in memory of every single one of the eggs I’ve lost through menstruation. I think I shall call them . . . cyto-angels. Something like this, perhaps? ^o^ ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/84 "2004-11-17T22:31:32Z")
> [@Nordic](#): > > I have a slight problem in general with mothers who call themselves “moms.” To my way of thinking, a mother is what you _are_, “Mom” is what your kids call you. Calling yourself a mom is sort of like giving yourself a title. > > “I’m a mom.” “I love being a mom.” Like the OP said, it is to barf. > > Irrational and pedantic, I know. I can’t help it – it’s just one of those little things that make me wince internally. (Probably has to do with my own less-than-wonderful relationship with my own mother. I don’t call her Mom; she hasn’t earned it). I feel the same way— but the really barf-inducing thing is when one of them calls herself a “Mommy”. “Mom” almost sounds good in comparison. Almost. Also “Bratley/Snotlee is my world!” Ugh. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/85 "2004-11-17T23:05:03Z")
> [@Miss Purl McKnittington](#): > > I feel compelled to make a signature in memory of every single one of the eggs I’ve lost through menstruation. I think I shall call them . . . cyto-angels. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/86 "2004-11-17T23:48:12Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > On the scale of user names, it’s right below naming yourself after your cat, and slightly above naming yourself after an elephant’s proboscis. Heh, It’s funny 'cause I got it. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/87 "2004-11-18T14:02:06Z")
> [@Mynn](#): > > If you are charting and temping, a good number of women have a temperature surge right at ovulation, and fail to have a temperature drop should fertilization occur. > > Shortly after that, you can take a pregnancy test. > > Earliest I’ve heard of a positive test is 10 days past ovulation - mine came 12 days past ovulation. Yeah, I did years of those charts. They were pretty freaking useless for me - up and down like a roller coaster all month - but still, I think if I had a positive test and then basically turned out not to be pregnant, which is what this situation is, I would just consider it a false positive rather than refer to _beans_ . ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/88 "2004-11-18T14:10:52Z")
Okay, here’s something horrifying that these women on parenting boards do, too: They list the kids names, birthdates and **afflictions** as their signatures! It might be something like this: SNOTLEEBRATLEIGHSMOM77, Homeschooling Christian mom to Snotlee Wayne(6/2/99, Aspergers, Cleft Palate) and Bratleigh Paige (12/25/00, Peanut Allergies, Exzema) and loving wife to Wayne. Could you puke ? ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/89 "2004-11-18T14:38:52Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > Okay, here’s something horrifying that these women on parenting boards do, too: > > They list the kids names, birthdates and **afflictions** as their signatures! > > It might be something like this: > > SNOTLEEBRATLEIGHSMOM77, Homeschooling Christian mom to Snotlee Wayne(6/2/99, Aspergers, Cleft Palate) and Bratleigh Paige (12/25/00, Peanut Allergies, Exzema) and loving wife to Wayne. > Could you puke ? She forgot her husband’s afflictions. _) and loving wife to Wayne. (small penis, impotence, 5 years in state for statuatory)_ Sorry. E ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/90 "2004-11-18T14:40:36Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > Yeah, I did years of those charts. They were pretty freaking useless for me - up and down like a roller coaster all month - but still, I think if I had a positive test and then basically turned out not to be pregnant, which is what this situation is, I would just consider it a false positive rather than refer to _beans_ . That’s the point. It’s not a false positive. Your body produced the hormones because the zygote zippered itself in, however briefly, and then broke loose. I caught the second egg on the second egged cycle and it stuck. Whoohoo. Out of probably six ovulations in three years - I know I’m extraordinarily lucky. I’ve got friends who haven’t ovulated in years at all. Or those who do ovulate month after month and get nothing. Sometimes those little bean thoughts are all that get some of them through to the next cycle. Go back and read [these archives](http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/2003/03/the_story_so_fa.html). Just because the zygoo burrowed its way in doesn’t mean jack, either. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/91 "2004-11-18T17:45:40Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > Okay, here’s something horrifying that these women on parenting boards do, too: > > They list the kids names, birthdates and **afflictions** as their signatures! I’m sorry, but I’ve been a diabetic since I was four, and if my mother had worn my diabetes as a badge of motherly honor, there’s no way I would have been able to accept it as anything other than a huge, fucking obstacle in my path. It can be, but my mother didn’t let it be one. It was (and is) something that had to be lived with, but not the _key_ factor in forming my identity. Diabetes is a pain in the ass and something I’ll always have to watch out for, but there’s much more to me than finger pokes, injections, and peeing on sticks. These women will not do their children any favors if they focus that much on their afflictions. Why can’t they just put their children’s accomplishments in their sigs? “Snotlee Wayne – 5 years old and can swear like a sailor.” There has to be more to their children than lactose intolerance and hayfever. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/92 "2004-11-18T19:35:55Z")
> [@Elza B](#): > > She forgot her husband’s afflictions. > > _) and loving wife to Wayne. (small penis, impotence, 5 years in state for statuatory)_ > > Sorry. > > E Good Lord. Stop making me laugh out loud. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/93 "2004-11-18T20:55:35Z")
I am the person who first mentioned beans here. **Mynn** , believe it or not, I think I know where you’re coming from. I have had IVF and also a chemical pregnancy (confirmed by blood test, but didn’t make it to a heartbeat by ultrasound). I did mourn my loss. That said, what I was referring to in my beans post were people who are using IVF and listing the embryos in the dish in their sigs forever after (not short-term), alongside their living children. I personally find this troubling for two reasons. First, it makes me wonder if they really are suited to IVF at that point in time. Some people get swept away on the “if there is a medical solution, it should be pursued, no matter what” track. Some people see all these embryos as babies (seemingly more common in people who memorialize them), and if it’s actively causing them grief, I have to wonder if anyone’s ever sat down and discussed their fertility options from any standpoint beyond the purely medical. To deny that any IVF procedure will most probably involve the loss of embryos is avoiding reality. The second reason is that it reflects a perception that I find troubling – the idea that IVF alone causes embryo loss. The truth, as cited above in this thread, is that many, many natural pregnancies fail every day when an embryo does not make it to a clinically detectable stage. The difference is that the vast majority of these losses are undetected. But this fact doesn’t stop anti-IVF folks who want to portray the procedure as “evil” and pray for the souls of all the lost embryos. That wasn’t the most gracefully written passage, but I hope you can understand where I’m coming from on this. Now, back to the other parts of sigs… > [@caricci](#): > > SNOTLEEBRATLEIGHSMOM77, Homeschooling Christian mom to Snotlee Wayne(6/2/99, Aspergers, Cleft Palate) and Bratleigh Paige (12/25/00, Peanut Allergies, Exzema) and loving wife to Wayne. You are _soo_ right about the “loving wife” part! I would love to once see, “nagging and pissed wife to XXXXX, but currently considering an affair”. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/94 "2004-11-18T22:02:05Z")
> [@Elenia28](#): > > People are inordinately proud of spawning. Well, you know, anyone can do it, just about. Nah, I’m not proud of spawning. I am proud of parenting though, and it seems the fewer and fewer people can do it well. And actually, I **am** EJ’s nagging, bitchy wife, although I would never consider cheating! 😉 And my favorite annoying bumoer sticker around here says “My kid tattooed your honor student.” ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/95 "2004-11-18T22:04:09Z")
> [@LilyoftheValley](#): > > That said, what I was referring to in my beans post were people who are using IVF and listing the embryos in the dish in their sigs forever after (not short-term), alongside their living children. I thought you meant embryos that were inserted in the uterus but didn’t take. (I don’t know a whole lot about IVF, so feel to correct me). Do you mean when the doctor puts in 5 or 6 fertilzed eggs, but only 1 or 2 implant and are carried to term and delivered? The others are just sort of “lost”? Right? Still, it’s sick. Or pathetic. Or something. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/96 "2004-11-19T17:44:49Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > What next? Discworld fans? Well, yes, as a matter of fact, you, Angua and Ridcully really cheeze me off! 😉😃 ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/97 "2004-11-19T19:57:00Z")
Well, when you factor in, **Lily…** , the cost of those beans … I’d probably keep track, too. 😉😛 I was lucky enough to not have to go as far as IVF - it took me a long time to accept Clomid as well (and from what my body has been doing post-partum I’m starting to think I never needed Clomid, I’m a fall-ovulator). But if it had gotten to the point where I was at IVF I might have actually talked myself into it. And for some it doesn’t matter if you lost your magic beans at 8 hours, 8 weeks, or 8 months (which I’ve seen happen but not from IVF - latest IVF failure I’ve seen was just shy of 5 months, twins) - it’s hard to forget, even decades on. When I was in the midst of trying to stir up Wolfie … I had all my stats in my signature. It served me then, though it’s not relevant now. If I were still active on parenting and fertility boards - I might still have stats there - it’s like searching for people with similar interests, is all. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/98 "2004-11-19T23:12:29Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > My big concern is for baby#2. Or #3. Usually it’s only one kid they claim to be mom of, which is fine until the second kid comes along. Will they change their name? Or will child #2 suffer unbearable rejection? I guess they could change their name to something like “Mom of 5” or “[insertfirstnamehere]Mom6” or whatever. I’ve seen that on certain boards, myself. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/99 "2004-11-20T03:06:57Z")
I like one I saw on half dot com, I think, who called herself **Mommyoftwomonsters**. Hey, it least it wasn’t cutesy. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967/100 "2004-11-20T11:40:56Z")
One minor point in the defense of all those “BlanksMom” usernames on parenting boards: ISTM that since they’re mostly talking about little Blank (that’s what they’re there for, after all), it’s somewhat helpful to pick a username that gives the other posters only one name to remember instead of two. That way, another poster who wants to offer a comment about little Blank’s childing experiences\* can just write “I have to disagree with **BlanksMom** ’s policy of putting laudanum in Blank’s bottle” or whatever. Easier than trying to remember that Blank’s mother’s actual username is **ViggoMortensensLoveSlave** or **MadDogCyberDemocrat** or whatever unrelated identifying characteristic she happened to pick. \*Well shoot, if what **BlanksMom** is doing is “parenting”, then what little Blank is doing is “childing”, right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-nobody-till-youre-somebodys-mommy/274967.md?page=6)