# You're not a pet parent, you're a pet owner **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 28, 2013, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888 "2013-04-28T04:23:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/1 "2013-04-28T04:23:22Z")
You’re not a pet parent, you did not birth or father your dog. If you did by any chance well that is fucking freaky and I’d advise a priest or something. You don’t have three kids, you have two children and a dog. Your dog doesn’t have your last name, the “birth certificate” your vet gave you is a non-official piece of crap printed on an ink jet. I don’t care if it lists you and your spouse as the dog’s parents, you aren’t the parents were two dogs. I understand you love your dog, great dogs are wonderful. But you aren’t it’s mother or father. I wish pet parent would dissappear from human discourse. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/2 "2013-04-28T04:26:14Z")
> [@grude](#): > > You’re not a pet parent, you did not birth or father your dog. If you did by any chance well that is fucking freaky and I’d advise a priest or something. When Mary had a little lamb, The Doctor was surprised. But when Old MacDonald had a farm, the Doctor nearly died! ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/3 "2013-04-28T04:26:48Z")
Vets around here have started to call owners “guardians” - does that work for you at all? We do, after all, “adopt” them from shelters. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/4 "2013-04-28T04:30:50Z")
[Vegans discuss the ethics of pet “ownership”](http://www.vegtalk.org/animal-rights/ethical-keep-pet-t1557.html) > [@](#): > > The real ethical dimensions of animal ownership are the actual ethics of owning any life and having control over its bodily functions, physical movements and psychological possibilities making these vital needs dependent upon your mood, your job, your being awake or not, and your being at home. What infuriates me most is when people maintain that their pets keep them from depression. Great paradigm: you lock up an animal so you can feel psychologically better. Get a good therapist and practice letting go. I would even go as far as to say that people that utilise animals as a surrogate to therapy and working out their issues are predatory upon animals. Animals have needs just like any creature–dogs, cats, birds, hamsters also want to move freely, not shit on pieces of paper or in a box, have psychological connections to those whom they choose to include other species or even humans. They also have the right not to and pet ownership precludes all choices for animals to move, think and feel. They are conditioned to loving one person (as if this were really love) in a desperate act of dependency upon their meals and twenty minutes outside a day (if they are lucky). ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/5 "2013-04-28T04:34:26Z")
> [@grude](#): > > You’re not a pet parent, you did not birth or father your dog. If you did by any chance well that is fucking freaky and I’d advise a priest or something. > > You don’t have three kids, you have two children and a dog. > > Your dog doesn’t have your last name, the “birth certificate” your vet gave you is a non-official piece of crap printed on an ink jet. I don’t care if it lists you and your spouse as the dog’s parents, you aren’t the parents were two dogs. > > I understand you love your dog, great dogs are wonderful. But you aren’t it’s mother or father. > > I wish pet parent would dissappear from human discourse. Why do you even care? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/6 "2013-04-28T04:34:47Z")
I don’t own Blackjack, he’s my best friend, and I’m his. He calls me Daddy and my wife Mommy, but those are just his names for us. I don’t know what your problem is, what should he call us, Sir and Ma’am? We’re not his parents, but we have to do a lot of things for him. For example, we have to take him to the vet. He says he knows how to drive, but our insurance doesn’t cover dogs so we have take him. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/7 "2013-04-28T04:36:46Z")
I’d be willing to bet a dollar that Blackjack is not, in fact, capable of human speech. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/8 "2013-04-28T04:42:35Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > I don’t own Blackjack, he’s my best friend, and I’m his. He calls me Daddy and my wife Mommy, but those are just his names for us. I don’t know what your problem is, what should he call us, Sir and Ma’am? We’re not his parents, but we have to do a lot of things for him. For example, we have to take him to the vet. He says he knows how to drive, but our insurance doesn’t cover dogs so we have take him. I have no problem with dogs calling their owners mommy and daddy, I feel if you have become capable of human speech well that is your right. But the other way around? No way no how, maybe if humans learned to bark? ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/9 "2013-04-28T04:51:39Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Why do you even care? Life is hard for a non-religious crank, other people get to attack stuff like abortions or gay marriage or whatever. I don’t have any of that, but then I found the abuse of the English language and it burned into my soul a mission to stop the perversion of language for nefarious purposes. My newsletter will be MTSTPOLFNP, it isn’t catchy but it will do. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Surb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Surb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Surb)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/10 "2013-04-28T05:04:42Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Life is hard for a non-religious crank, other people get to attack stuff like abortions or gay marriage or whatever. I don’t have any of that, but then I found the abuse of the English language and it burned into my soul a mission to stop the perversion of language for nefarious purposes. My newsletter will be MTSTPOLFNP, it isn’t catchy but it will do. This sounds suspiciously like you don’t really care, you are just trying to get a rise out of people. Let me help. Maybe for your next trick you could expound on: circumcision cat declawing tipping dog poop and a limited audience but one of my personal faves, motorcycles-loud pipes save lives breast feeding vs formula. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/11 "2013-04-28T05:18:50Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Life is hard for a non-religious crank, other people get to attack stuff like abortions or gay marriage or whatever. I don’t have any of that, but then I found the abuse of the English language and it burned into my soul a mission to stop the perversion of language for nefarious purposes. My newsletter will be MTSTPOLFNP, it isn’t catchy but it will do. I, for one, am interested in your ideas, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. I actually don’t have a problem with dog owners calling their dogs “kids”..to other people who think it’s cute. But please understand that there are those of us who don’t find that cute. We find it…odd? Please don’t make me humor you with something that clearly isn’t true. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/12 "2013-04-28T07:10:07Z")
As far as my dog is concerned I am his father. And also his God. And his valet. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/13 "2013-04-28T07:14:40Z")
I’m glad I’ve never met anyone who says this. It helps that I hardly ever meet people. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/14 "2013-04-28T07:39:51Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > I’d be willing to bet a dollar that Blackjack is not, in fact, capable of human speech. Eh, one of my cats makes a vocalization that sounds just like Mama. Good enough? She’s very smart, she said it accidentally, I made a big fuss about it, and now she says it when she wants attention. She hasn’t managed to say Daddy yet. But human speech vocalizations are not the only way of communicating. That same cat tries desperately to mate with human males. Nobody ever has any doubt about what she’s trying to get across. Yes, she’s spayed. Doesn’t matter, she’s just a pervy slutty kitty. Oddly, she doesn’t come on to the male cats. Maybe she can tell that they’ve been neutered. Maybe she just has a thing for human males. She’s at least part Siamese, and Siamese tend to be not quite right in the head. Another of our cats likes to play fetch, and will tell my husband when he wants to do so. Not in human words, but by bringing a toy to my husband and dropping it in his lap. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/15 "2013-04-28T08:25:06Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I wish pet parent would dissappear from human discourse. Can I add “furbaby” and “furkids” to the disappearing list? Ugh, I hate those words ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/16 "2013-04-28T09:04:28Z")
I can get behind this. My dog is not my kid. I refer to him as my dim-witted minion. ---
**Author:** ![madrabbitwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@madrabbitwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madrabbitwoman)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/17 "2013-04-28T09:23:36Z")
I describe the animals in my household as the closest I will ever get to having kids. As to you - meh. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/18 "2013-04-28T09:27:04Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > I’d be willing to bet a dollar that Blackjack is not, in fact, capable of human speech. Ha ha ha. He cannot speak like a human, he’s a dog, he speaks Dog. But lately, through the use of facilitated communication he can now type, so he can express complex thoughts in English. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/19 "2013-04-28T09:52:51Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Your dog doesn’t have your last name… Well, he does if that’s what I name him. Or are we also not allowed to bestow names upon the beasts? mmm ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/20 "2013-04-28T10:21:22Z")
Good grief **grude**! The expanding and over-priced industry of pet ownership relies on ‘parental guilt’ - and you can’t have that without the appropriate labels! I love my Dalmatian. Weirdly, and probably because of the relationship I have with her, it seems somehow disrespectful for me to refer to her as my ‘dog’ - it just doesn’t express what she means to me. I know that technically she’s my ‘pet’ but in my head, I’ve never called her that. More fitting for fish or seamonkeys or something. So what’s left? For me, it’s ‘friend’; for 112 years, we’ve been friends. (Ask her.) I’m not her parent, and I don’t think of myself as such. Although I’m responsible for her I don’t feel that I ‘own’ her; and being her ‘guardian’ feels like she’s a ward of state or something. So I completely understand why people like to be called ‘the parents’ of their animals they love - it’s nothing more than a preferred nickname. Admittedly, I do correct those who ask if I’m her mum, but in no different a way than if they’d mispronounced my name. She _does_ have my last name. Hyphenated to her own. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888.md?page=2)