# You're not a pet parent, you're a pet owner **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 28, 2013, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888 "2013-04-28T04:23:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/81 "2013-04-29T07:16:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Then I went on to say that if you have such a desire to love and be connected to something, but don’t want to have kids, then maybe (assuming it’s the actual childbearing that’s the issue) you could adopt, or if not, then you could volunteer or help the elderly or otherwise use that love for something that helps other people, because God knows, there are enough people who could stand to get that love, instead of basically wasting it on an animal that can’t really conceive of what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. I didn’t specifically say children- if I had, then I’d have said it, not offered a series of alternatives beyond just having kids- I’d be happy if you volunteered for Meals on Wheels or at a homeless shelter or whatever. > > They’re not mutually exclusive and nor is it contradictory to say those things at all. Maybe I should have been clearer- it’s entirely possible that I didn’t write it as well as I’d thought. Not everyone likes kids. Not everyone who likes kids wants kids. And I get to determine where I spend my time and energy, and you have damned little right to tell me if my preference is correct or not, just as I don’t have the right to tell people that they shouldn’t have more than three kids altogether. You don’t get to choose which charity people volunteer for, or even if they volunteer at all. We all have different needs and capacities, and some people just vastly prefer animals to people. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/82 "2013-04-29T08:12:04Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > \*\* > Grude\*\* grief? Technically, it’s **grude** grudge > [@Filbert](#): > > Incidently I do refer to myself as mother of my fish.. (fishy) > [@Filbert](#): > > I occasionally claim to be mother of my pot plants too (potty) But you are a nut. > [@cochrane](#): > > Is that in human years or dog years? 😃 Well, she says 112 years; I say since 1997. It used to be that the only real difference between dogs and children is the way you dispose of their crap; but then Huggies redefined the little beasts. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/83 "2013-04-29T12:54:49Z")
So how come our dog calls us Ma and Dad? Answer that one, smartypants. ---
**Author:** ![LaurenIpsum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@LaurenIpsum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LaurenIpsum)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/84 "2013-04-29T13:47:54Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Your dog doesn’t have your last name …although I do have two obedience class certificates showing that “Rover Ipsum” has completed the class. 😃 I am one of those people who refer to my pets as my children. We have a cat and dog and refer to ourselves as “mommy” and “daddy” around them. Were we to have human children, would we be cheapening our relationship to them? It’s a non-issue for us as we do not like children and have no plans to have any. I tend to avoid talking in mommy terms around my two sisters who have children, just to prevent any offense. Although one sister did have a dog long before having kids, and she did refer to herself as mommy then, so I think she’d understand. I think, at least for me, part of it is a joke. I know of course that I did not give birth to my dog, I did not actually adopt him, and my relationship to him is not like a human child. But, dammit, it’s _fun_ for me to call myself mommy, talk to him in a baby voice, and give him a (dog-safe) cupcake on his birthday. Maybe some would say I’m delusional to treat my dog like a kid, and why not just have a real kid. But who am I hurting when I do these things? And if I didn’t have a dog to care for, would I instead be spending all that time and effort helping the elderly, being a big sister, or working in a soup kitchen? No, I’d be watching my Tivo and surfing the internet. One last anecdote. I had a best friend in high school, who I am still in touch with, although we don’t hang out as much as we’d like. As long as I’ve known her, she has been the type of person to squee over babies. Any time we saw someone with a baby, she’d go “aww” and have to go over and look at them. As long as she’s known me, I’ve been the type of person to squee over puppies. She always wanted a big family. I always wanted a dog. Today, she has three children, and although stressed, is happy. Today, I have a dog, and I’m happy. What’s the problem? ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/85 "2013-04-29T14:11:21Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Your dog doesn’t have your last name You lost me there. I can name my dog whatever I want, including giving her two names, the latter of which is my last name. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a6a055/32.png) [@Tequila\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Party)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/86 "2013-04-29T15:16:25Z")
> [@bump](#): > > But if they’re single yuppies who dote on a dog AS IF IT WAS THEIR CHILD, and don’t do anything to help other people, then I tend to think they should rethink their priorities. And they no doubt think you should mind your own business. > [@bump](#): > > I have a bit of a personal axe to grind, because I have a lot of married friends who talk about their ‘kids’, and mean their dogs, and about how tough they are, and responsibility, etc… and I’m sitting there thinking “Oh, you have no idea… I wish you’d STFU, because actually having a kid is 100x harder than having a dog, even if it is a borderline retarded dog that’s too stupid to eat a hot dog.” Then your issue should be the real problem; self-absorbed friends and projection. Those type of people are tone deaf no matter what the subject and you need to stop equating your very real circumstances to their fantasy life version. What they’re doing doesn’t have anything to do with what they’re doing, no matter how annoying it is. > [@rhubarbarin](#): > > ETA: I know I don’t, because I rather cheerfully put a dog I owned for 15 years to sleep a few months ago because she was becoming too difficult to fare for. _Cheerfully_? What? ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/87 "2013-04-29T15:25:57Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Life is hard for a non-religious crank, other people get to attack stuff like abortions or gay marriage or whatever. I don’t have any of that, but then I found the abuse of the English language and it burned into my soul a mission to stop the perversion of language for nefarious purposes. My newsletter will be MTSTPOLFNP, it isn’t catchy but it will do. Will you have a Blackberry or Android app for the newletter? ---
**Author:** ![supergoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@supergoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supergoose)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/88 "2013-04-29T16:32:14Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > Incidently I do refer to myself as mother of my fish, but only because it amuses me, and I don’t generally say it in public. I occasionally claim to be mother of my pot plants too- is that even worse? No, it’s even better, in a awesomely hilarious way. I may even steal if from you, assuming I ever have a plant that lives for more than a week. ☹ (Not likely. For the sake of the potted plants themselves, I’ve stopped buying them.) Personally, I think of myself as being my parakeet’s human, because nothing else seems to fit. I certainly don’t feel like his owner or his mother. No idea who I feel like to him. (“Non-bird-flock-member” I hope.) ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/89 "2013-04-29T16:47:41Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > I’d be willing to bet a dollar that Blackjack is not, in fact, capable of human speech. I think he told his parents he \*could \*speak, but, you know what liars these dogs are. ---
**Author:** ![elninost0rm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ed655f/32.png) [@elninost0rm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elninost0rm)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/90 "2013-04-29T17:24:07Z")
EDIT: Redacted due to inevitable mod note ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/91 "2013-04-29T18:18:57Z")
> [@Tequila\_Party](#): > > _Cheerfully_? What? Seriously. I’m pretty much the opposite of an animal person, but that’s just fucked up. ---
**Author:** ![chargerrich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chargerrich/32/5399_2.png) [@chargerrich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chargerrich)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/92 "2013-04-29T18:31:13Z")
While I would have chose to use different wording, I do think I agree with most of your points. I have a loyal, fun, well mannered lab who I would be sad to lose… but to even put my dog on a level anything evenly remotely similar to my kids or a human life is disturbing to me and a sign of a very odd person. These people who treat their dogs as good better than humans do creep me out. They are delusional in believing that a dog has anything more than basic emotions and act as per the environment they were raised and behaviors learned by repetition and reward/discipline. They are not people, they do not feel your pain or understand your highs and lows. They want to be fed, petted and played with. That’s it. If my lab were to pass, the sadness would notch between my sports teams having a bad season and my new truck being totaled. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/93 "2013-04-29T18:40:39Z")
[QUOTE=bump] I have a bit of a personal axe to grind, because I have a lot of married friends who talk about their ‘kids’, and mean their dogs, and about how tough they are, and responsibility, etc… and I’m sitting there thinking “Oh, you have no idea… I wish you’d STFU, because actually having a kid is 100x harder than having a dog, even if it is a borderline retarded dog that’s too stupid to eat a hot dog.” [/QUOTE] Ok, I get that. What I want to make clear is, most pet owners get that too. There are definitely some screwy, clueless people out there who genuinely think having a pet is like having a child, but the vast majority of us know better. I have a cat. When we’re being snuggly, I call him ‘‘Mama’s Baby Kitty.’’ He is basically a big baby, in the sense that he constantly demands attention. I don’t think of him as a human baby at all. I think of him as a cat baby. In fact, the reason I got a cat in the first place is because they are so NOT like children… not even like dogs in that they’re much more self-sufficient. Anyone who would seriously imply that an animal is in any way comparable to a human child in terms of stress, responsibility, and yes, love, has a screw loose. I know these people exist - I have a beloved family member that might fit the crazy dog lady description, and I don’t get it. I can’t have kids right now. I do wish that I could, but I can’t. In the meantime, I have a cat. I find it amusing that the cat treats me like its mother. I feel affectionate toward him and I like being his caretaker. So I’m Cat Mom. It’s about as complex as that. On the flip side, there are parents of human children who believe that parenthood is the be-all and end-all of life’s meaning. I’m sure that’s the case in those parents’ private worlds, but it doesn’t render anything else anybody else does somehow meaningless. I might not understand what it is to love a child of my own, but that doesn’t invalidate the different sort of meaning I find in having a cat. People do non-parental things all the time - travel the world, devote their lives to their careers instead of having children - their decisions are not inferior. People who have children do not magically become better people than the rest of us. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/94 "2013-04-29T21:48:18Z")
> [@chargerrich](#): > > If my lab were to pass, the sadness would notch between my sports teams having a bad season and my new truck being totaled. When my Lab (not if) passes, my sadness would be many levels higher than wrecking my vehicle. I don’t consider him to be my child, but I would be extremely affected. There is nothing wrong with mourning the death of a loyal, well-loved animal. I wouldn’t put my dog above my family members, but every time I’ve lost a dog, I have experienced extreme sadness. It’s not rational, but that’s just the way I am. And every time I’ve had a dog die, I’ve foolishly adopted another, setting myself up for the same experience a decade or so later. I don’t understand the mind set of someone who “cheerfully” has a dog put to sleep or values a pickup truck over the life of his dog. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/95 "2013-04-29T22:41:03Z")
Think of it this way. Pets keep up childfree people happy and content enough so they’ll cover for folks at work when there are schools emergencies, dance recitals, family trips to Disney world, or the ever popular maternity leave. Pets keep lonely people from jumping off of bridges and train platforms, messing up the morning commute for everyone else. Today when I got home from work, I shouted to my cats, “I don’t care what anyone says. Ya’ll are my babies and I love you very much!” I concede that they would probably eat my corpse without hesitation. But I don’t care. That’s how irrational love is. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/96 "2013-04-30T00:57:05Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Today when I got home from work, I shouted to my cats, “I don’t care what anyone says. Ya’ll are my babies and I love you very much!” > > I concede that they would probably eat my corpse without hesitation. But I don’t care. That’s how irrational love is. QFT. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2013, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/97 "2013-04-30T01:09:46Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I concede that they would probably eat my corpse without hesitation. But I don’t care. That’s how irrational love is. Babies’ll do that too, if they get hungry enough. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2013, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/98 "2013-04-30T02:09:20Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I’d be happy if you volunteered for Meals on Wheels or at a homeless shelter or whatever. What if I go and volunteer at an animal shelter? How about that? ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2013, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/99 "2013-04-30T11:10:00Z")
Only if you promise to not waste any love while you’re there, **Guin**. And it’s not about what makes _you_ happy, it’s about how happy **bump** would be. Squeeee! > [@bump](#): > > How do you get that? My point was that people who pretend (and yes, it is pretending) that they’re their pets’ parents is something that is mildly offensive because it trivializes actual parenting. I find it greatly offensive that parents think that everything _aside_ from parenting is trivial. Breeding is a choice you made and others didn’t; so suck it up. A lot of parents pretend (and yes, it is pretending) that they’re the only people to have ever had a child. (And yes, often it’s only one. Sometimes two.) Being a parent IS trivial; being a _good_ parent takes some consistency and talent, and I rarely see any of that. Nor do I see many relationships or marriages that survive this parenthood of which you speak so highly. > [@bump](#): > > Then I went on to say that if you have such a desire to love and be connected to something, but don’t want to have kids, then maybe (assuming it’s the actual childbearing that’s the issue) you could adopt, Not only do I have “\*a desire \*to love and be connected to something”, I actually _do_ love, and _am_ connected to many things; none of which happens to be my own, or anyone else’s progeny. So what? If you think you’ve cornered the market on knowing how to “spread the love” just because you’re spreading your genes, then take a look at the narcissism haemorraging through your post. You harp that “..actually having a kid is 100x harder than having a dog..” and yet, you seem to insist that everyone should have one. If I whinge about how intensely hard something is, it’s because I’m deriving little, or no pleasure from it; or, I’ve made a terrible mistake. To me, it’s inconceivable to then absolutely insist that others must do the same. > [@bump](#): > > ..or if not, then you could volunteer or help the elderly or otherwise use that love for something that helps other people, because God knows, there are enough people who could stand to get that love, instead of basically wasting it on an animal that can’t really conceive of what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. I didn’t specifically say children- if I had, then I’d have said it, not offered a series of alternatives beyond just having kids- I’d be happy if you volunteered for Meals on Wheels or at a homeless shelter or whatever. Thanks, **bump** - that’s hilarious! No really. I almost had to phone a friend to share that one. How about you take your own advice here, and just insert the word “MONEY” where you have “LOVE”, and transpose “animal” for any pleasure of your choice. See how that flies for ya. And if you really knew what you were talking about, you’d understand that many of those “elderly or otherwise” _certainly_ can’t conceive of what you’re doing, or why you’re doing it. The best they’ll do is shit their adult nappy for you. > [@bump](#): > > I have a bit of a personal axe to grind, because I have a lot of married friends who talk about their ‘kids’, and mean their dogs, and about how tough they are, and responsibility, etc… and I’m sitting there thinking “Oh, you have no idea… I wish you’d STFU, because actually having a kid is 100x harder than having a dog, even if it is a borderline retarded dog that’s too stupid to eat a hot dog.” ..So what is it - fucking competition? Are all your married friends supposed to have kids so they can truly share in your wounded misery of parenting? I’m sure that even if all of them had children, none of them could \*possibly \*understand what it’s like for _you._ Honestly, **bump** you should do comedy you’re so tragic. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2013, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888/100 "2013-04-30T11:54:29Z")
beautiful post, Monstro. and to the OP - love is GOOD, more is better. it’s not a zero sum game. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-not-a-pet-parent-youre-a-pet-owner/656888.md?page=6)