# You're on the run from the authorities. Who (if anyone) do you go to for help? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 2, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989 "2010-05-02T00:05:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/1 "2010-05-02T00:05:35Z")
No long setup today, because I can’t be arsed. I will answer right away, though. Assuming I had to get outta Dodge and thus could not go tothe majority of my siblings, it would be either my oldest brother, whom I really can’t stand but who would help me out of family loyalty, or my youngest sister, whom I adore and would help me out of love. Between the two I think I would choose the brother, because he’s the one I would less mind getting arrested. 🆒 Anybody else? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/2 "2010-05-02T01:13:18Z")
Sorry man. If I’m on the run, it means they’re going to be searching my house, where this computer is. They’ll also likely notice this board in my bookmarks, be auto-logged in as me, and find this thread. So, coppers–neener-neener, you’ll never catch me 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/3 "2010-05-02T01:21:32Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Sorry man. If I’m on the run, it means they’re going to be searching my house, where this computer is. They’ll also likely notice this board in my bookmarks, be auto-logged in as me, and find this thread. So, coppers–neener-neener, you’ll never catch me 😃 That’s right. They would never catch you…if it weren’t for that radioactive dye they sprayed on your keyboard last Tuesday. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/4 "2010-05-02T01:35:39Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > That’s right. They would never catch you…if it weren’t for that radioactive dye they sprayed on your keyboard last Tuesday. Curses. Foiled again. Maybe **Skald** will send the flying monkeys to bust me outta the pen… ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/5 "2010-05-02T01:44:55Z")
Definitely not family. They’re all too straight arrow to help a fleeing felon. No problem. I have 20+ years of students scattered all over the globe. More than a handful are rather high-powered lawyers. If nothing else, I’ll get some legal services on the cuff. Others likely will give me a place to crash for a night or two. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/6 "2010-05-02T01:58:41Z")
I have my backdoor escape plan. I’m not telling YOU, though. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/7 "2010-05-02T02:02:14Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > I have my backdoor escape plan. I’m not telling YOU, though. > > 😉 Would it involve…_sneaking out the back door?_ ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/8 "2010-05-02T02:05:23Z")
You know, that’s just the trouble with Facebook. The authorities have a ready-made list of anyone I could think of to who might help me. . . ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/9 "2010-05-02T02:10:02Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Would it involve…_sneaking out the back door?_ DAMN, you’re good. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/10 "2010-05-02T02:57:07Z")
my Dad. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/11 "2010-05-02T03:03:18Z")
Any one of my three best friends. I won’t go into the stuff some of them have done, but they’re no strangers to lawbreaking. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/12 "2010-05-02T03:33:40Z")
umm… isn’t the first rule of hiding … “never announce in public where you are hiding” ? 🙂 Me, I’d go camping, anonymously in a small state park till the heat dies down. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/13 "2010-05-02T04:07:10Z")
I don’t go to anyone. The police will pressure everyone I know with the “we can charge you as obstructing the law or some other BS when we catch him if you don’t help us.” and eventually someone will cave. If I’m on the run, _I’m_ on the run. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/14 "2010-05-02T04:21:36Z")
I’m calling **Skald the Rhymer** …hopefully he’s been elected dictator by then… ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/15 "2010-05-02T04:57:21Z")
I am blessed with such a loving and loyal family (wife, mother, brother, aunts) that I could rely upon any of them to help me dispose of a dead body. The problem is that most of them are terrible liars. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/16 "2010-05-02T06:50:06Z")
I think we have discussed it before =) As a female all I really have to do is lower my standards and head to someplace like Florida or Texas, where I have more than once stated I will never voluntarily live, pick up a guy somewhere and move in with him. I can do childcare under the table, though being a gimp has its drawbacks, and my specific combination of cardiac meds would mean I need to split my prescriptions up between several pharmacies or if I am in texas hop the border to get them illegally to not be discovered through a computer prescription search. Most women will not voluntarily screw/move in with someone they have no affection for, but if I had to hide one does what one would find distasteful. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/17 "2010-05-02T08:02:10Z")
I’m lucky. I have this uncle, who’s not really my uncle (good friend of my father,) who happens to have retired from one of those Initial Agencies that teach people how to lie, cheat, steal, and kill people. I’d go find him. He would happily “disappear” whomever I needed removed from my life. And I’d enjoy a bit of a break at my uncle’s place on the river - fishing and relaxing. ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/18 "2010-05-02T08:25:45Z")
> [@Lacunae\_Matata](#): > > I’m lucky. I have this uncle, who’s not really my uncle (good friend of my father,) who happens to have retired from one of those Initial Agencies that teach people how to lie, cheat, steal, and kill people. I’d go find him. He would happily “disappear” whomever I needed removed from my life. And I’d enjoy a bit of a break at my uncle’s place on the river - fishing and relaxing. Except now that you’ve mentioned him, that’s the first place they’ll look. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/19 "2010-05-02T11:59:18Z")
I’ve got a friend who would let me crash for a night or two while I gather supplies, but that’s it. Family is certainly out of the question. I’d have to go it alone, though I’ve a good shot of making it it out of the country I think. Crossing State lines would be easy if you start immediately. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2010, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989/20 "2010-05-02T12:55:38Z")
Chappachula has it right. Go camping. Don’t talk to anyone. Wait. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-on-the-run-from-the-authorities-who-if-anyone-do-you-go-to-for-help/537989.md?page=2)