# "you're screwed." A question... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2006, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084 "2006-01-22T06:53:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/1 "2006-01-22T06:53:01Z")
Ok, maybe I’m just a potty mouth, but I just can’t think of a non-profane phrase that quite has the flexibility of “You’re screwed.” It’s so flexible and nothing even compares nuance-wise, dopers, I have a new baby, help me find a new catch-all phrase. S.O.L. -still cussy f\*#@-way still cussy got shafted-still innuendoy This may go far to prove to myself that there is a place for profane language. I had a guy today show his cards to another player and ask his opinion, the player responded “You are F\*#@ed.” Well, he pretty much was. Yes, he was beat, but beat doesn’t really catch the full feel of it. Help me dopers. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/2 "2006-01-22T07:02:59Z")
“up a creek”? ---
**Author:** ![Phnord\_Prephect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Phnord\_Prephect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phnord_Prephect)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/3 "2006-01-22T09:02:10Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > “up a creek”? Up WHICH creek, exactly? Yeah, that’s the one. Hmm. “As Doomed as Doomed can be, I must say!” --Ed Grimley Sorry, it’s the best I can come up with. ---
**Author:** ![arjee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@arjee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/arjee)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/4 "2006-01-22T23:47:46Z")
I frequently use “hooped.” You’re hooped, I’m totally hooped, etc. I don’t know where I first heard it. I don’t even know if it refers to anything, exactly. But it works for me. ---
**Author:** ![yingtongtiddleipo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/f6c823/32.png) [@yingtongtiddleipo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yingtongtiddleipo)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/5 "2006-01-23T11:04:16Z")
Have you tried Scots swearing? The perfect way to curse without swearing a word in English - and there is no other nation on earth that excels in it quite as much as we do! If there was an Olympics of swearing we might actually win something… Try this - (most satisfying) - rush it all together at volume, with as a low pitch as you can do and a Scottish accent! ‘Git yersel awa tay faa ya basa’ (Get yourself away to f_ck you bast_rd) Here are some other fine lowland Scots swears - yes they are all real, and yes I use them frequently. [http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/lowland\_scots.htm](http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/lowland_scots.htm) You’ll know what you’re saying, but your little bubba won’t! My particular favourites from that site; Minging= Disgusting Awa an bile yer heid = Away and boil your head (i.e. get lost) Git awa ya mad tramp = Go away you crazy bum N.E.D/ned = Non-educated delinquent / trouble maker Diareaky = Diarrhea Boak = Vomit Bamstick or Bampot= Person of dubious intellect Numpty = Fool Yer arse = Retort to an unbelievable tale Ooh yah hoor! = Oh my god! Pummle Beat = thump Rapido = Fast punching Shag yer mer = Shag your mother Fancy a doin’? = Would you like a beating? Yer bum’s oot a windae =Your bottom is protruding from an open casement (i.e. you are making a fool of yourself or talking bollocks) Every hoor ‘n’ thur auntie = Every whore and their auntie (i.e. busy, large crowd) Ul wham yeh, yeh fuckin’ wee basturt = I’ll knock you out, you f_cking small bast_rd Yer arse in parsley = You are talking rubbish. (Glasgow - early-mid 20th century) Mon thenyeh fuckin erse = Come on then you f\*cking arse i.e. baiting for a fight Heidni’baw= Person of dubious intellect (Literally ‘Heading the ball’) Beastybawz = Man having sex with very young girls Bag 'O Shite = Not very good A face like a well-skelped arse = Blushing; a face like a well spanked bottom ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/6 "2006-01-23T13:29:00Z")
> [@Phnord Prephect](#): > > Up WHICH creek, exactly? Yeah, that’s the one. Up a well-known tributary without viable means of locomotion. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/7 "2006-01-23T20:43:10Z")
> [@Auntbeast](#): > > Ok, maybe I’m just a potty mouth, but I just can’t think of a non-profane phrase that quite has the flexibility of “You’re screwed.” “You’re hosed”? > [@](#): > > [Cite:](http://www.slangsite.com/slang/H.html) hosed: Usually refering to a situation beyond salvage or repair. Similar to FUBAR. Pronunciation: ‘hOz-d’ > Example: Chris forgot to back it up… We’re so hosed! ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/8 "2006-01-23T20:51:42Z")
How about “You’re out of luck!”? ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/9 "2006-01-24T01:20:10Z")
I prefer “you’re stuffed”. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/10 "2006-01-24T01:29:35Z")
“You’re in trouble” is pretty boring, but it works. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/11 "2006-01-24T01:42:31Z")
oh, Fiddle stix! dagnabit! Dog-gone-it! Crudy Dudy! Holy smokes! Jeepers! ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/12 "2006-01-24T01:53:14Z")
I use “you’re boned.” ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/13 "2006-01-24T02:01:09Z")
I always seem to say, “You’re toast” or “We’re toast.” 'Cause you know, you could enjoy being screwed, but who would enjoy being toast? ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/14 "2006-01-24T20:01:18Z")
I’ve recently begun adopting a variation of a phrase from Terry Pratchett’s [_Night Watch:_](http://www.electric-escape.net/pratchett/Night-Watch) “You’ve in the cacky.” ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/15 "2006-01-24T21:27:59Z")
“The PTA has disbanded!” from that classic Simpsons moment is used between me and Mom to express consternation. “No, no, the PTA hasn’t disbanded!” Guy jumps back in broken window; “Oh, OK.” ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/16 "2006-01-24T23:55:25Z")
I always liked BWAHAHAhahHHHAHAH! Sucks to be you! ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2006, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/17 "2006-01-25T03:00:21Z")
Huh? I thought “SOL” meant “Shucks, out of luck” -? Or maybe “Spit, out of luck” -? And “FUBAR” means “Fouled up beyond all recognition” -? 🙂 Of the suggestions, I second “You’re toast.” Or previously, “Your goose is cooked.” But I guess, heck, that train just left the station, and you weren’t on it. There’s no reason we can’t be creative here. “Since you’re here, we can stop looking for roadkill for the stew pot.” Any other creative ideas? ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2006, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/18 "2006-01-25T10:23:04Z")
Your chances are slim to none and Slim’s packin’ to leave town. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2006, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/19 "2006-01-25T12:27:03Z")
You’re buggered. Mate. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2006, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084/20 "2006-01-25T20:57:15Z")
> [@arjee](#): > > I frequently use “hooped.” You’re hooped, I’m totally hooped, etc. > > I don’t know where I first heard it. I don’t even know if it refers to anything, exactly. But it works for me. It’s my understanding that “hooped” means “sodomized”. I think it’s a great expression. I’ll third “you’re toast”. It’s the only expression I can think of that isn’t at least vaguely profane. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-screwed-a-question/341084.md?page=2)