# You're smart people, and I bet most of you DO it, so why in hell can't you spell it? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681 "2000-12-08T20:20:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![hypergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/21 "2000-12-09T01:29:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scratch1300 \* > \*\*But is it **wacking off** or **whacking off**? \*\* “jacking off” or “jerking off”? “Time sure flies when you’re young and jerkin’ off.” -Jim Carroll, The Basketball Diaries. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/22 "2000-12-09T01:35:27Z")
Hey, let’s not forget about ‘cranking the Hog’ ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/23 "2000-12-09T01:36:36Z")
I personally refer to it as “taking a bath.” Guess I’m not big on beds, eh? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LazarusLong42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@LazarusLong42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LazarusLong42)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/24 "2000-12-09T01:40:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*I’m rather embarrassed that I knew what the word was before opening the thread, just by reading the title . . . \*\* Actually, I had expected to see “fellatio” rather than masturbation. It’s more often misspelled. But then again, we don’t all do that, so I guess I was way off base. 🙂 LL ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/25 "2000-12-09T01:40:57Z")
How could you forget “stirring the soup”? ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/26 "2000-12-09T01:44:54Z")
Male: Wankin’. Female: Rubbin’ the nubbin. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Lord\_Davidson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bc8723/32.png) [@Dark\_Lord\_Davidson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Lord_Davidson)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/27 "2000-12-09T01:48:32Z")
Choking the bald man until he pukes! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/28 "2000-12-09T04:30:05Z")
“Masturbation…can be fun. Join the holy orgy, Kama Sutra…everyone!” - Hair ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/29 "2000-12-09T06:17:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by magdalene \* > \*\*You could always cheer me up with a good mash note… \*\* You’re right after struuter, and I actually wrote ssskkuggiii’s mash note tonight… I’m back in production! ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/30 "2000-12-09T06:23:47Z")
Since Chef Troy started this thread, how about we call it… Flambé the creme caramel. Ladies and gents, break out your blowtorches… ---
**Author:** ![mblackwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5fc32e/32.png) [@mblackwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mblackwell)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/31 "2000-12-09T08:07:17Z")
Hand startin’ the purple-headed yogurt thrower. ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/32 "2000-12-09T08:27:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by beagledave \* > \*\*For the gents: Spank the monkey, whack off, wax the dolphin, beat the meat, choke the chicken, boot up the hard drive, slam the ham, stretch the turtleneck, feed the Kleenex, seed the rug, play the single-string air guitar, have a date with Rosy Palm and her five beautiful daughters, shake hands with the president, make soup for one, give the tadpoles a swimming lesson, congratulate the bald-headed champion, paint a small Jackson Pollock, gag the maggot, club the baby seal, relieve the pitcher. > > For the ladies: Applying lip gloss, Checking the Oil, Doing something for my chapped lips, Drooling, Getting a stain out of my carpet, Itching the Ditch, Nulling the void, Parting the Red Sea, Polishing the wedding ring, Preheating the oven, Soaking in Palmolive, Stiffening my upper lip, Visiting your safety deposit box, A night in with the girls, air the orchid, audition the finger puppets > > And if that ain’t enuff 😛 try [http://www.well.com/user/earl/synonyms.html](http://www.well.com/user/earl/synonyms.html) \*\* Can’t breathe… Too… Funny… Now here’s a brief musical interlude(courtesy of The Man Show): Whip It Out At The Ball Game (to the tune of Take Me Out To The Ball Game) Whip it out at the ball game, Wave it around at the crowd. Dip it in peanuts and cracker jacks, It doesn’t matter if you give it a whack. So, it’s spank your flank at the ball game, If you don’t come its a shame. So it’s one, two, you’re covered in goo, at the old ball game. ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/33 "2000-12-09T09:58:29Z")
Men: Test-firing the love rocket Women: Flippin’ the switch ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/34 "2000-12-09T13:22:40Z")
Give us a break. That’s a hard word to type using only one hand! ---
**Author:** ![TomH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/90db22/32.png) [@TomH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TomH)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/35 "2000-12-09T14:12:53Z")
The Brunching Shuttlecocks did an excellent [feature on the spelling of “orgams”](http://www.brunching.com/features/feature-spelledorgasm.html). The thing that annoys me most is people who jump into threads to correct your grammer. ---
**Author:** ![scratch1300](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@scratch1300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch1300)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/36 "2000-12-09T14:56:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TomH \* > \*\*The Brunching Shuttlecocks did an excellent [feature on the spelling of “orgams”](http://www.brunching.com/features/feature-spelledorgasm.html). > > The thing that annoys me most is people who jump into threads to correct your grammer. \*\* _Orgams_ should be _orgasm_. Oh, and _grammer_ should be _grammar_. ---
**Author:** ![Gregor\_Samsa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@Gregor\_Samsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gregor_Samsa)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/37 "2000-12-09T14:58:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LazarusLong42 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > > \*\*I’m rather embarrassed that I knew what the word was before opening the thread, just by reading the title . . . \*\* > > Actually, I had expected to see “fellatio” rather than masturbation. It’s more often misspelled. But then again, we don’t all do that, so I guess I was way off base. 🙂 > > LL \*\* “Cunnilingus” was my first thought. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/38 "2000-12-09T15:04:57Z")
heh…now that everyone’s coming up with euphemisms for female masturbation, I feel compelled to post the one a friend of mine came up with in high school, which cracked me up like you wouldn’t believe: Gagging the trout. ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/39 "2000-12-09T20:08:35Z")
I once worked in an area that had a lot of draftsmen who used India ink drafting pens. Someone put a sign up in the restroom: “Do Not Clean Your Pens In The Sink!”. Someone else added an “i”. ---
**Author:** ![Spiritus\_Mundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/40 "2000-12-09T20:24:21Z")
It’s just hard to type with one hand. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681.md?page=3)