# You're smart people, and I bet most of you DO it, so why in hell can't you spell it? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681 "2000-12-08T20:20:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/41 "2000-12-10T00:05:24Z")
> [@](#): > > Give us a break. That’s a hard word to type using only one hand! LOL!! 🙂 My college roommate called it “Petting Miss Kitty.” Let’s not forget the ever-relevent Seinfeld: “Are you king of the country? I’m queen of the castle!” Incidentally, Jerry and George are talking about oral sex right now. It’s the episode where Elaine reveals to Jerry that she faked with him: "And the guy never knows? “no!” “How could he not know?” “He didn’t know.” “I guess after that many beers, he was too groggy anyway.” “Weeellll, you didn’t know.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/42 "2000-12-10T02:39:01Z")
Argh…thanks to people like YOU, I can’t say even innocent-sounding phrases without being laughed at! Reminds me of when I was writing a paper and I said, “I had to choke down the chicken” when referring to, well, choking down some chicken I was eating for dinner. My boyfriend immediately pointed it out and told me that I might want to change my wording. You people are terrible! (said in the most affectionate way possible) ---
**Author:** ![beergeek279](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@beergeek279](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beergeek279)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/43 "2000-12-10T05:03:20Z")
Only 95% of people masturbate…the other 5% just lie about it 🙂 What about “polishin’ the pole” and “jerkin’ the gherkin”? > [@](#): > > Argh…thanks to people like YOU, I can’t say even innocent-sounding phrases without being laughed at! I know what you mean! I know plenty of people that chuckle like Beavis and Butt-head every time someone says a word like “come”. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/44 "2000-12-10T18:07:50Z")
comes from the Dicken’s character (50 Spider points to anyone who can name which novel; I can’t remember) named Master Bates. -----😛 —////\\ ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/45 "2000-12-10T18:15:27Z")
I believe that would be Oliver Twist, **Spider Woman**. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/46 "2000-12-10T18:18:02Z")
You’re already tops in my book; you don’t need any bonus points! ----:)/ ----///\\ ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/47 "2000-12-10T18:20:33Z")
::blushing:: ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/48 "2000-12-11T05:43:16Z")
Hey Madge, your soaking in it! ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/49 "2000-12-11T19:15:42Z")
Look, it’s my job to put out bait for rodents, bait for ants, bait for roaches. And I get good results, too. But I resent people calling me a “master baiter.” _::rimshot::_ ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/50 "2000-12-11T19:45:05Z")
/hijack (sort of)/ Contrary to popular belief, Jocelyn Elders did not advocate teaching children HOW to mastUrbate. She advocated including a discussion of mastUrbation as an alternative to intercourse, the discussion to be held in sex education classes revolving around safe sex practices to be taught to high school students. The fact that Bill Clinton didn’t stand by her and let her get railroaded out of her position just showed Bill to be the political opportunist without equal. And before I get flamed by any Clinton supporters, I voted for him. I still like “joclyn’ the elders” though. ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/51 "2000-12-11T19:50:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DAVEW0071 \* > \*\*_::rimshot::_ \*\* No **DAVEW0071** , Rimming is a whole other topic we might want to just shy away from, along with felching. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/52 "2000-12-11T19:59:06Z")
magdalene wrote: > [@](#): > > You could always cheer me up with a good mash note… Okay: “Radar, we’ve got incoming wounded. Get the O-R tent ready for surgery. Oh, and tell Hot Lips to hurry it up this time or we’ll show everybody the naked pictures of her and Frank together.” ---
**Author:** ![Dawg144](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecccb3/32.png) [@Dawg144](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dawg144)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/53 "2000-12-11T20:30:13Z")
One that has always killed me was “Roughing up the suspect” ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/54 "2000-12-20T15:27:23Z")
For women: “Flicking the bean” ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/55 "2000-12-20T18:02:48Z")
Of course we could be timely about this… Men: Congratulating the Vice-President Women: Preening the President (Add “Elect” to both until 1/20) ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/56 "2000-12-20T18:30:29Z")
Oliver Twist, Spider Woman? I must have missed that one! Was that the one where he was a crossdressing superhero? 🙂 \ ---
**Author:** ![douglips](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@douglips](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/douglips)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/57 "2000-12-20T19:07:42Z")
The Foremen had a great song called “Firin’ the Surgeon General” in which the title becomes our hero’s new euphemism for spanking the monkey. > [@](#): > > You can’t come in! > I hear you knockin’ > but you can’t come in! > I check the lock and > say “You can’t come in” > 'cuz I’m firing the Surgeon Gen’ral In it they also use my favorite euphemism: “I used to pat the Robertson…” ---
**Author:** ![PoohJune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e4f/32.png) [@PoohJune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoohJune)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/58 "2000-12-20T23:54:29Z")
My personal favorite for female masturbation: Flickin’ the bean. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/59 "2000-12-21T00:00:02Z")
> [@](#): > > …so you mockers can all just go flog the bishop. Hey!! :wally: ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/60 "2000-12-21T00:25:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Oliver Twist, **Spider Woman**? I must have missed that one! Was that the one where he was a crossdressing superhero? 🙂 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681.md?page=4)