# You're smart people, and I bet most of you DO it, so why in hell can't you spell it? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681 "2000-12-08T20:20:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Bloodshedder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Bloodshedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloodshedder)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/61 "2000-12-21T00:41:44Z")
How about “Riding the Great White Knuckler”? ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/62 "2000-12-21T05:22:31Z")
**Max Torque** Thanks a lot! I was screwing around at work, and you made me laugh out loud and get in trouble with my partner!! “Jostlin’ the Elder” Indeed!! And MY 2 cents: for females: pushing the panic button and beating around the bush!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/63 "2000-12-21T08:45:56Z")
that reminds me of the time I read Trainspotting in the American-Edition… there was a translation list from British English to American English on the very last page: wanker = masturbator 😃 you masturbators you! Go blinde!!! dodgy ---
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/64 "2000-12-21T08:48:42Z")
shaking the workless guy s hand… ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/65 "2000-12-21T13:26:19Z")
Actually I just heard that Joycelyn Elders just finished writing her book, a grade school textbook IIRC. The title? “Fifty Ways to Love Your Lever” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vebr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/eb8c5e/32.png) [@vebr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vebr)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/66 "2000-12-21T17:58:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cajun Man \* > \*\*I believe that would be Oliver Twist, **Spider Woman**. 🙂 > \*\* Well, if there was a Master Bates in Oliver Twist, that gives a new one: Twisting the Oliver Vicki the Sigless ---
**Author:** ![buck1969](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@buck1969](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buck1969)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/67 "2000-12-21T20:36:05Z")
while i’m not proud of doing it i am proud to have coined the euphism " listening to the sound of one hand clapping". speaking of which i think i feel a zen moment approaching… ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/68 "2000-12-21T21:01:48Z")
> [@](#): > > One that has always killed me was “Roughing up the suspect” Man, that’s pretty damn funny. ---
**Author:** ![Sunglasses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sunglasses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunglasses)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/69 "2000-12-21T21:30:50Z")
My ex-husband always called it “strokin’ the lizard”. ---
**Author:** ![Meephead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b782af/32.png) [@Meephead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meephead)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/70 "2000-12-21T22:29:04Z")
I have always referred to it as “milking the manhood.” Then there’s the mental image conjured up when you mention milking the bull. YUCK! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BornDodgy \* > you masturbators you! Go blinde!!! > dodgy Who cares if you go blind? …as long as you can touch yourself! ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/71 "2000-12-21T22:52:44Z")
> [@](#): > > Who cares if you go blind? …as long as you can touch yourself! \*\* I don’t want annnnnnybody else… when I think **about** you, I touch myself… ---
**Author:** ![jpariury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@jpariury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jpariury)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/72 "2000-12-21T23:03:05Z")
quote: Originally posted by scratch1300 But is it wacking off or whacking off? Additional quote: ## The proper term is “punching the clown.” Then there’s: Polishing the Knob Making your Hard Drive a Floppy Chokin’ the Chicken Jerkin’ the Gerkin Takin’ it to Ole One-eye Poppin’ the Toppin’ Slammin’ and Bammin’ Gettin’ Rough with Mr. Tuff Makin’ ready with your Bouncin’ Betty Playing Slappy with Mr. Happy Bumping the Bishop Poppin’ the Pope JP Student of the Mr. Manly School ---
**Author:** ![Meephead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b782af/32.png) [@Meephead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meephead)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/73 "2000-12-22T02:03:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Who cares if you go blind? …as long as you can touch yourself! \*\* > > I don’t want annnnnnybody else… when I think **about** you, I touch myself… \*\* **Exactly!** ---
**Author:** ![JuanDeCuba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a87d85/32.png) [@JuanDeCuba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuanDeCuba)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/74 "2000-12-22T05:10:29Z")
Chase the tiger Choke the chicken Spank the monkey Rock the lobster Feed the kitten Beat the bishop Make the bull moose roar Irritate the badger Change the transmission fluid J-E-R-K-O-F-F! We sing that every time we play Clemson. ---
**Author:** ![copy\_ed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb9ed0/32.png) [@copy\_ed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/copy_ed)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/75 "2000-12-22T05:13:41Z")
There used to be a bait shop in Beaufort, SC, called Master Baiters. Painted on the outside was a large wriggling cartoon worm clenched in a big hairy-backed fist. (There I thought it put hair on your palms, not the back of the hands.) City fathers deemed it obscene and so ruled, and the owners painted it over, lightly, with one coat of white paint. People still cruised by to look at it. ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/76 "2000-12-22T13:18:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > \*\*I personally refer to it as “taking a bath.” Guess I’m not big on beds, eh? 😃 > > Man is certainly stark mad. He cannot even make a worm, and yet he will be making gods by the dozens. -Montaigne- > Objects In Mirror Are Stranger Than They Appear > Nymysys, meet glass house, glass house meet leg-crossing masturbator. - Obfusciatrist says the SWEETEST things! > I’d quake for Nen, but for one tiny detail. > We are the borg. Prepare to be part of a sammich. \*\* Nymysys, anybody with a sig like that is someone I shoulda fallen in love with! Oh, well, ☹ And the shower is my personal favorite, assuming there’s no company. Well, even then! 😃 How cum nobody remembered “shellacking the lizard” or “steaming the carpet” (gendered respectively)? :rolleyes: Not to mention beating the bishop??? washing the inner tube? ---
**Author:** ![penael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ea5d25/32.png) [@penael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penael)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/77 "2000-12-22T20:13:19Z")
personal favorite: cleaning the snorkel ---
**Author:** ![No\_Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ba8739/32.png) [@No\_Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Bones)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/78 "2000-12-22T20:59:41Z")
So, how should I spell perterbation? You know, the latin word for “Dad hits us with sticks”. ---
**Author:** ![Ammurit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Ammurit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ammurit)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2000, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/79 "2000-12-30T01:57:03Z")
What about “fiddlin’ with the diddler”? ---
**Author:** ![Dnise\_The\_Wierd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Dnise\_The\_Wierd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dnise_The_Wierd)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681/80 "2001-01-22T19:19:08Z")
Another female term I heard (yes) in grade school: Teasing the cliff ogre. Don’t ask. (sorry ‘Ogre’ 😉 ) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-smart-people-and-i-bet-most-of-you-do-it-so-why-in-hell-cant-you-spell-it/44681.md?page=5)