# You're SO in Denial about how controlling your husband is! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 23, 2009, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310 "2009-12-23T10:30:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/21 "2009-12-23T18:35:14Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I’ve told my wife that she’s free to use me as an excuse to get out of whatever invitation she doesn’t feel like accepting—but now I wonder if her friends think _I’m_ some kind of controlling ogre. I told the future-wifey that she could tell her friends that I decided on the size of the bridal party, for when she had to tell the ones who didn’t make it in. Of course, this is totally untrue - no man is ever offended at being left out of a wedding party, as long as he still gets to partake of an open bar. ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/22 "2009-12-23T19:13:46Z")
You’re a “nice guy,” aren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/23 "2009-12-23T19:20:13Z")
She just doesn’t like you much anymore. Sorry, but it’s not her husband, it’s you. Every bit of behaviour you’ve described sounds to me like someone who’s just not interested in you. And frankly, now she has a reason to mistrust her and dislike you. If you were a good friend you wouldn’t be conniving and plotting behind her back with her own mother. You sound more like a manipulative jerk than a friend. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2009, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/24 "2009-12-23T19:23:51Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > If you really believe your friend is in an abusive relationship, the worst thing you can do is walk away from her. The second worst thing you can do is start meddling. > > If you really do care about her, set aside your anger at being left out or forgotten and focus on being available to her. People in abusive relationships need friends who won’t judge them or push them, and if she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, how can she possibly ask you for help if she ever decides to leave him? This. You should apologize to her for your meddling, let her know that you’re there for her if she needs you, and then let her go. If she wants your support she knows where to find you. Going behind her to her mother is just going to make her feel defensive and threatened. That’s not a way you want to make a vulnerable person feel. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/25 "2009-12-24T04:04:12Z")
It sounds like the only evidence about the “controlling husband” was found out third-hand. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/26 "2009-12-24T10:55:44Z")
Um no…it’s her husband being very controlling…I know about drifting away from college friends…most of my friends from college have drifted away, and I also know about This is not a case where she just drifted away. Matter of fact, I didn’t even think of her as that awesome of a friend when we were at college We were friendly and she knew about a lot of crap…but she wasn’t a " OMG I’m gonna marry you" friend. Not at all…Back at college she was just a mildly close friend. It’s hard to explain how I know that she’s being very controlled by her husband . Back when we were still talking she would have all these heart to heart talks with me (via facebook) and she’d complain about being lonely and nothing to do. When I’d suggest getting togehter she’d have all these fishy excuses as to why she couldn’t get togehter…and two mutual friends said they experianced the same thing from her. The reason I spoke to her mom instead of her is b/c she is a) learning disabled (not just “dyslexic” but also the social emotional issues) and there is something else wrong with her too…Something very strange…almost like borderline personality disorder but without the nasty part of BPD. She got sent a letter about George being very controlling and was VERY upset about that…kept protesting that she’s happy. I knew too in the past that she misinterprets stuff and is very hardheaded about even dysfucntional intiminate realtionships being OK. I am over this. I knew that the second George was all ctontrolling our friendship was ended. Just frustrates me that she internally knows that his being controlling is very wrong…but thinks she’s in love so everything’s OK. I have a lot more to say but Im tired and I need to get up early. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/27 "2009-12-24T11:04:30Z")
Geez, how badly do you need this screwed-up person in your life? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/28 "2009-12-24T11:57:37Z")
You’re in denial and you know it. ---
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/29 "2009-12-24T14:17:56Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > You’re in denial and you know it. Clap your hands! ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/30 "2009-12-24T15:05:04Z")
Maybe she’s also OCD and has given up on any friend who can’t punctuate. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/31 "2009-12-24T15:47:34Z")
Overuse of ellipses (which should consist of three dots, by the way) tends to make the writer appear manic, or at least unstable. I say that as a concerned fellow poster. ---
**Author:** ![Grapefruit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@Grapefruit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grapefruit)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/32 "2009-12-24T16:49:00Z")
> [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](#): > > Matter of fact, I didn’t even think of her as that awesome of a friend when we were at college We were friendly and she knew about a lot of crap…but she wasn’t a " OMG I’m gonna marry you" friend. Not at all…Back at college she was just a mildly close friend. Soooo, there you go. After all of that, why is it any of your business? She lives her life, controlling husband or not, and you live yours. Unless yours is so pathetic and empty that you have to bring other people’s drama into your own. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/33 "2009-12-24T17:12:58Z")
Yeah, if she’s not that close a friend anyway, I don’t see why it concerns you that she has a controlling husband. Sending a letter to her about it when she isn’t a close friend is looking kind of strange on _your_ part, **AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet**. Why don’t you just move on and let her live her life? ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/34 "2009-12-24T18:41:57Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Some women seek out over-controlling men. Let’s be fair about this. Some men seek out over-controlling women. Have seen it first hand myself. Not so sure this is an issue defined by gender but rather just some people are this way. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/35 "2009-12-24T18:44:28Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Some women seek out over-controlling men. Ric Romero? Is that you? ---
**Author:** ![St.Anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@St.Anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Anger)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/36 "2009-12-24T18:50:30Z")
> [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](#): > > but she wasn’t a " OMG I’m gonna marry you" friend. Not at all…Back at college she was just a mildly close friend. WAY-HAY-HAY-AIT just one moment, there, friend. Are you male? ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/37 "2009-12-24T18:57:16Z")
I’m confused about something: From the OP > [@](#): > > We were close in college Post 26 > [@](#): > > I didn’t even think of her as that awesome of a friend when we were at college Seems a little contradictory. ---
**Author:** ![St.Anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@St.Anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Anger)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/38 "2009-12-24T20:12:41Z")
Probably because there’s a healthy serving of bullshit in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/39 "2009-12-24T20:36:04Z")
> [@St.Anger](#): > > WAY-HAY-HAY-AIT just one moment, there, friend. > > Are you male? It appears she’s [lesbian.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11848347&postcount=41) Sounds a little unhealthy. You sure there’s no sexual attraction toward her? ---
**Author:** ![St.Anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@St.Anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Anger)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310/40 "2009-12-24T22:01:53Z")
I suspected something like this. The OP is just pissed because she’s/he’s/it has always carried a torch for her/his “friend” and now can’t have her. Perhaps THAT might be why the friend is blowing her/him off, and the husband doesn’t want his wife to anything to do with her/him? Because she’s like, a stalker? Come clean, OP and knock it off with the bullshit. I can read you like a book. My advice, find a new “friend” with a vagina and piss off. . . . . . . . . Oh, Merry Christmas by the way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-so-in-denial-about-how-controlling-your-husband-is/522310.md?page=3)