# You're the producer/director of a comic book movie: make the fans angry! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 1, 2014, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275 "2014-02-01T11:57:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/41 "2014-02-01T21:13:56Z")
Break everything. Gay heroes. Different races. Different motivations. Superman is a robot. The Hulk uses the Eric Bana nanotechnology background. Yes, crossovers between DC and Marvel. Batman kills people. At the end of the movie, Stan Lee sits bolt upright in bed, looks over at his wife and says “Honey, I just had the weirdest dream…” Three years later, release another movie that does _exactly the same things._ ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/42 "2014-02-01T21:19:43Z")
Let’s see… The movie stars Super-man, who dresses up in a star-spangled version of a WWII combat uniform, and web-slings and wall-crawls through downtown Los Angeles. He spends most of the movie in pursuit of the evil villain Spider Man, who wears a dark cowled outfit with a leatherwing cape, and who ties people up with his lasso of truth (which is made of flaming chains). When Super-Man finally catches up to Spider Man, he tosses off a wisecrack, shoots him in the face, and then goes and gets drunk. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/43 "2014-02-01T21:30:26Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > He spends most of the movie in pursuit of the evil villain Spider Man. [Ahem](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3_Dev_Adam). Yes, there is YouTube of this. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/44 "2014-02-01T21:32:48Z")
The creators of “Pirates of the Caribbean” and “The Lone Ranger” are proud to present “The Sandman!” Starring Johnny Depp as Morpheus and Helena Bonham Carter as Death. Featuring the goofy antics of Will Farrell and Jack Black as Cain and Abel. Oh, and they’re filming the sequels at the same time: “Sandman: The Dream Team” and “Sandman: Endless Midnight.” ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/45 "2014-02-01T21:34:09Z")
Wendy & Marvin: The Movie ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/46 "2014-02-01T21:35:55Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Break everything. Gay heroes. Different races. Different motivations. Superman is a robot. The Hulk uses the Eric Bana nanotechnology background. Yes, crossovers between DC and Marvel. Batman kills people. > > **At the end of the movie, Stan Lee sits bolt upright in bed, looks over at his wife and says “Honey, I just had the weirdest dream…”** > > Three years later, release another movie that does _exactly the same things._ And his wife is played by Lynda Carter??!!! ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/47 "2014-02-01T22:17:00Z")
Dark Knight Returns Frank Miller directs. Stacy Keach as Batman Chloe Moretz as Robin Mark Hamill as Joker. Sounds feasible to badass, right? Doesn’t matter. Fans would hate it no matter what. ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/48 "2014-02-01T22:23:26Z")
A WW2 Nick Fury film with…Samuel Jackson as Nick Fury. Fans go racial apeshit. Director Michael Bay says, “I didn’t know that African-Americans didn’t lead squads of white soldiers into battle in World War 2. Huh.” ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/49 "2014-02-01T22:26:39Z")
Michael Keaton is… Robin! ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/50 "2014-02-01T22:30:35Z")
In the next installment of the X-men franchise, it turns out that “mutants” are really space aliens. Most of the movie will be set on Wolverine’s home planet. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/51 "2014-02-01T23:05:07Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > In the next installment of the X-men franchise, it turns out that “mutants” are really space aliens. Most of the movie will be set on Wolverine’s home planet. Sorry, that’s been done. See: Highlander 2. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/52 "2014-02-01T23:43:28Z")
I was trying to come up with a horrible way to make a _Calvin and Hobbes_ TV series, but it was too heartbreaking to even consider. On another note, [Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers](http://www.nerdist.com/2014/02/chip-n-dale-to-hit-the-big-screen/) is getting a live-action/CG movie, and I just know it will be terrible because undoubtedly it will be set in New York, will have a Justin Bieber song on the soundtrack, and will star somebody like Emily Bett Rickards or Simon Helberg in embarrassing roles. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/53 "2014-02-01T23:53:14Z")
I cast Keira Knightley as Power Girl. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/54 "2014-02-01T23:59:45Z")
You mean besides casting Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor? ---
**Author:** ![stegon66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@stegon66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stegon66)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2014, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/55 "2014-02-02T00:14:40Z")
Insist on lesbian scenes between the Black Widow and the Scarlet Witch in Avengers 2. Oh wait…never mind! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2014, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/56 "2014-02-02T00:30:52Z")
Musicals. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2014, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/57 "2014-02-02T03:47:30Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > You mean besides casting Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor? Can we go with the Mirror, Mirror version of Eisenberg? Be glad it’s not Michael Cera. Still a very odd choice. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2014, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/58 "2014-02-02T04:27:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Quoth **Little Nemo** : > > I cast Keira Knightley as Power Girl. Why not? She’s already played [this lady](http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=11262980). ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2014, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/59 "2014-02-02T05:00:03Z")
Film the “One More Day” Spider-Man storyline, where he sells out his marriage with Mary Jane Watson to Mephisto. Spider-Man fans _hate_ that. Announce that I’m making a more “scientifically realistic” version of Spider-Man, and have him shoot webs out of his butt\*. _Thor/Hulk_: a homosexual romantic movie. No fighting, lots of soulfully looking in each other’s eyes and sharing their feelings. And they both stay fully clothed so the lady & gay fans don’t even get any beefcake. A Hulk reboot set in the 60s, where the Hulk’s alter ego isn’t Banner but Martin Luthor King Jr. _Lots_ of bad jokes about colored people. \*Yes, that _was_ inspired by the _Spinnerette_ webcomic ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2014, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275/60 "2014-02-02T05:23:28Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Announce that I’m making a more “scientifically realistic” version of Spider-Man, and have him shoot webs out of his butt\*. I don’t know if [you’ve seen this, too](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnE3uyj9Grg&list=PL-xkHEbewJQenrFnjmTu0o9PujEy4Lhgd&feature=c4-overview-vl). There are others as well, that’s not my favorite one. > [@](#): > > _Thor/Hulk_: a homosexual romantic movie. No fighting, lots of soulfully looking in each other’s eyes and sharing their feelings. And they both stay fully clothed so the lady & gay fans don’t even get any beefcake. Dude, Rule 34. But also of course they’re clothed. Hulk has magic purple pants that grow with him and only rip in certain places. I bet Hulk is secretly a bottom. Well, I guess he’d have to be. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-the-producer-director-of-a-comic-book-movie-make-the-fans-angry/680275.md?page=4)