# You're trapped in the Star Trek universe. What do you do now? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 19, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653 "2010-04-19T18:48:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/21 "2010-04-19T19:46:55Z")
Everything the Federation knows about the 21st century is filtered through centuries of history\*. You’d be an instant hit with historians due to your first-hand experience. I imagine any school that teaches 21st century history would be glad to have you. \*Well, unless that whole bit about how easy it is to go back in time turns out to be true. I like to pretend it’s not as simple as slingshotting around the sun at warp speed, 'cause otherwise there would be tons of Federation historians all over the place. And they wouldn’t have gotten so many things humorously wrong when they came back to get a whale. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/22 "2010-04-19T19:48:35Z")
1. Under no circumstances would I use a transporter. 2. I’d find out how far up the tech tree their hippytopia economy extends. If it means I can use replicated parts and holodeck-generated advice and assistance to build myself a shuttlecraft, I’ll do that, and use the experience to try to learn how their technology works. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/23 "2010-04-19T19:59:27Z")
I’d have to think that your average college education translates to about a 3rd grade education - we’d be barely competent in anything but the brightest of red shirt activities if we even made it into Starfleet. If you wanted to head into outer space, your best bet is probably some colonization group. ---
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/24 "2010-04-19T20:00:05Z")
Go to Scotland, find distillery. Drink delicious single malt scotch, and read a book. In other words, not that much would change. Maybe try and see if my family tree survived. Maybe. Though I would probably want to venture out into space and see anything and everything. Then stop at Quark’s for a single malt scotch. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/25 "2010-04-19T20:09:22Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > I’d have to think that your average college education translates to about a 3rd grade education . I think that’s canon. There’s an early TNG episode in which one of the shipboard parents was chasing a small child who did not wish to go to school that day; the kid hated calculus, but the father insisted that he learn it anyway, as everyone, he said, had to have a basic knowledge of that subject. > [@levdrakon](#): > > I’d have to try a holodeck eventually, but the allure of the holodeck for me now is escape from this reality. _That_ reality would be so cool to explore it would take quite a while before I felt the need to escape it. I think you mean _holosuite_, since you haven’t said anything about joining the Fleet. Anyway, I’m not going near either the civilian or the military versions. I don’t trust myself ever to come out. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/26 "2010-04-19T20:12:13Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Assuming I retain my present skills and don’t gain any new ones, options are somewhat limited. Reckon I’d sign up for Starfleet JAG, get a post to a ship, start working on the Bridge Officer’s Test. it’s been nice knowing you, ensign. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/M3cL1Aofy90/hqdefault.jpg "Star Trek: Redshirts") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3cL1Aofy90) ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/27 "2010-04-19T20:15:00Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > What’s the name of that planet that Riker was always heading off to for “shore leave”? I think I’d go check that place out. Risa. I haven’t watched any Star Trek in years but I’m surprised there have been any answers other than “Risa.” ---
**Author:** ![PaperBlob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/58956e/32.png) [@PaperBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaperBlob)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/28 "2010-04-19T20:15:51Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Hit the Holodeck, baby. Beat me to it! @Marley23: Assuming the holodecks were as real as portrayed, using one could be just as good as going to Risa. I’d also spend many hours reading history books. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/29 "2010-04-19T20:33:21Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > I’d have to think that your average college education translates to about a 3rd grade education - we’d be barely competent in anything but the brightest of red shirt activities if we even made it into Starfleet. If you wanted to head into outer space, your best bet is probably some colonization group. My WAG about this is, they seem to like to do things the old-fashioned way most of the time (like going to school) but that doesn’t mean they don’t have really advanced learning technologies. I figure if someone important authorized it, they could pump some learning-enhancing drugs into your brain, boost your IQ and cram at least a K-12 education into you in a fairly short period of time. Having it done might disqualify you from Starfleet or something, though. > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I think you mean _holosuite_, since you haven’t said anything about joining the Fleet. Yeah, I knew deck was wrong, but couldn’t remember suite. I was going to type holo-whatever. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/30 "2010-04-19T20:34:28Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I think that’s canon. There’s an early TNG episode in which one of the shipboard parents was chasing a small child who did not wish to go to school that day; the kid hated calculus, but the father insisted that he learn it anyway, as everyone, he said, had to have a basic knowledge of that subject. \ Even if it’s canon, I’m inclined to write that off as Federation-wanking by a writer that never studied calculus. Unless the Federation is using genetic engineering, Star Wars-style flash-training, or something similar, it’s more likely that they’d teach kids _different_ things, not _more_ things. In a universe with computers like the Federation has, Calculus is exactly the sort of thing that would be an elective for those who seek a career that needs this knowledge, not pushed forwards. ---
**Author:** ![FREQ\_FORCE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@FREQ\_FORCE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FREQ_FORCE)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/31 "2010-04-19T20:47:39Z")
I’d introduce Starfleet to the fascinating technological advancements of the 21st century. Namely circuit breakers and seat belts. Their starships appear to have a disturbing lack of both. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/32 "2010-04-19T20:59:41Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Risa. I haven’t watched any Star Trek in years but I’m surprised there have been any answers other than “Risa.” I don’t think Risa is part of the Terran paradise. You have to pay for it. And the fact that Deanna’s mother, who is clearly well-off, often chooses to hitch rides seems to imply that space travel is still expensive. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/33 "2010-04-19T21:05:15Z")
I’d probably see about getting a date with Yeoman Rand or Marta, the green alien babe. ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/34 "2010-04-19T21:07:47Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > I’d have to think that your average college education translates to about a 3rd grade education - we’d be barely competent in anything but the brightest of red shirt activities if we even made it into Starfleet. If you wanted to head into outer space, your best bet is probably some colonization group. As I said before, I’d be up for more school in Federation fashion, but I have to think that I’m bright enough, (even though my best learning years are probably behind me,) that I wouldn’t be stuck at the 3rd grade level for long. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/35 "2010-04-19T21:10:00Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > I’d probably see about getting a date with Yeoman Rand or Marta, the green alien babe. Marta’s dead. Rand’s about a hundred and sixty years old, if she isn’t dead. ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/36 "2010-04-19T21:11:53Z")
I assume that the wonderful Federation society will not let me starve or freeze to death and that my basic needs will be met pretty much whether I try to be a productive member of society or not. With that stress removed, I imagine I’d spend much of my time reading history books and seeing what education options might be available. There has to be something akin to a GED program that could hopefully get me up to a basic level of functioning. Historians would surely want to interview me. I’m sure they would appreciate my understanding of how Sir Winston Hitler defeated the British in the Battle of Stallingrad. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/37 "2010-04-19T21:13:27Z")
Tranya! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/38 "2010-04-19T21:15:40Z")
Speaking of sex and dating, I figure I’m going for an Orion green stud for fun, but would probably marry a Vulcan guy. They seem mostly low maintenance. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/39 "2010-04-19T21:25:17Z")
I’d study up enough on warp drive technology to see what they’re doing idiotically, so I could just make a proper tesseract drive and be done with it. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/40 "2010-04-19T21:25:36Z")
Seems to be a couple of hundred colony worlds with ludicrously low population figures. Give me a couple of thousand acres on a largely vacant world and some assistance getting set up and I’m gold. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653.md?page=3)