# You're trapped in the Star Trek universe. What do you do now? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 19, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653 "2010-04-19T18:48:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/101 "2010-04-21T00:28:08Z")
> [@Grey](#): > > Heck they took Uhura from kindergarten to Starfleet capable in the course of a single episode. I, at least, can do math. 🙂 That doesn’t necessarily prove anything – she probably still had all her memories and knowledge in her head, just jumbled up and inaccessible until they clicked back into place as she was re-taught. Teaching someone from scratch would take longer, perhaps every bit as long as it takes today. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/102 "2010-04-21T01:12:17Z")
Heck, I’d want to zip through the transporter and emerge as a 12 year-old version of myself with all my adult memories intact. May as well get a fresh start, at least physically. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/103 "2010-04-21T02:47:09Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > Heck, I’d want to zip through the transporter and emerge as a 12 year-old version of myself with all my adult memories intact. May as well get a fresh start, at least physically. That’s one of those [Reed Richards Is Useless](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ReedRichardsIsUseless) things – even though in one ep they accidentally figured out that was possible, it never happened again. You would expect it would occur to somebody that this is the secret to immortality, and everybody in the Federation would start doing it ever 30 years or so. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/104 "2010-04-21T12:08:05Z")
> [@Icerigger](#): > > You are a **Captain’s Woman** , and you like it!😉 Well, I’d like to rise on my own skills/intelligence/merits, but if that’s not possible, I’ll just be cheap and easy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Smitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Smitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smitty)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/105 "2010-04-21T15:14:28Z")
> [@G0sp3l](#): > > Seeing as Yeoman Rand is dead (mental note: find corpse, retrieve dna sample), I’d find the person in charge of Starfleet Engineering and explain to him the concept of redundancy. Apparently, there aren’t any for the Warp Core Ejection System. Then I’d suggest that military read up on a first century chinese invention called “gun-powder”. I’d like to see the borg adapt to large chunks of metal ripping through their bodies. > > After being named ‘Hero of the Federation’ I’d work on getting Uhura and Rand cloned (and drunk, and naked, and 
) The Borg have personal shields. Do shields not work on projectiles? I remember one episode where the Enterprise was attacked by lasers and Riker commented that those wouldn’t even penetrate the navigation shields. Now, I am assuming that the navigation shields are there to deflect debris, which is hard matter, so why wouldn’t a bullet bounce off a shield - once they adapted, of course. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/106 "2010-04-21T15:24:06Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > That’s one of those [Reed Richards Is Useless](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ReedRichardsIsUseless) things – even though in one ep they accidentally figured out that was possible, it never happened again. You would expect it would occur to somebody that this is the secret to immortality, and everybody in the Federation would start doing it ever 30 years or so. It would probably be covered by the same laws against genetic engineering or using certain types of really, really horrible weapons. ---
**Author:** ![Bakhesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Bakhesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakhesh)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/107 "2010-04-21T16:25:19Z")
Seek out 7of9 and teach her that concept we humans call Love. Also, reprogram Data so he can use abbreviations
 if (speech==“Do not”){ speech=“Don’t” } ---
**Author:** ![Todderbob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@Todderbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Todderbob)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/108 "2010-04-21T16:52:14Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > Heck, I’d want to zip through the transporter and emerge as a 12 year-old version of myself with all my adult memories intact. May as well get a fresh start, at least physically. My rules number 1 - never go in a transporter. It’s not a transporter, it’s a replicator which kills you and makes a copy. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/109 "2010-04-21T16:52:53Z")
Wow, talk about a Trekker’s dream! Since the Federation seems to take care of everyone’s basic needs, I’d find an apartment with a replicator and an LCARS terminal, and read up on history since 2010, then see if anyone in my family line has survived, look them up and introduce myself. I’d like to take a tourist trip around the Solar System, esp. visiting the site of the Apollo 11 Moon landing. Try out a holosuite, sure, and watch the archived post-2010 movies of my favorite stars. I’d give my oral history to any historians who might be interested, and would see about maybe teaching a history course myself (“American political history, 1980-2010,” “The U.S. Presidency through 2010,” “Everyday life in the early 21st Century,” “The Straight Dope and Internet subcultures,” etc.). Then I’d look into joining Starfleet - maybe the JAG Corps? Criminal law in Picard’s and Janeway’s day doesn’t seem all that different from our own, after all. ---
**Author:** ![A.Selene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ec8ea/32.png) [@A.Selene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.Selene)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/110 "2010-04-21T17:32:39Z")
Maybe someone already suggested this, but I missed it if so. I’d look up Q, and at least travel around with him like Vash did. He was one funny bastard, and I think we could have a good time exploring the galaxy and fucking with other species. I would eventually hope to join the Continuum. Holosuites, holodecks, what? How bout I just become a god and remake reality as I see fit. Plus I’ve never been so keen on the whole dying thing, and as far as I know, Q don’t die. Enlisting in Starfleet seems to be a dangerous decision. I think being part of a Vulcan science expedition or something else would be better. Maybe working with the Ferengi and trading - I don’t think they get picked on as much as the Federation. And lastly, I’d look up some Orion slave girls, call up the Traveler, and have one hell of a party. ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/111 "2010-04-21T17:44:11Z")
> [@Elendil's Heir](#): > > Then I’d look into joining Starfleet - maybe the JAG Corps? Criminal law in Picard’s and Janeway’s day doesn’t seem all that different from our own, after all. You may be either an obsessive crackpot who’s escaped from his keeper or a distant relative of Samuel T. Cogley, attorney-at-law! ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/112 "2010-04-21T19:44:19Z")
> [@A.Selene](#): > > I’d look up Q, and at least travel around with him like Vash did. He was one funny bastard, and I think we could have a good time exploring the galaxy and fucking with other species. > > I would eventually hope to join the Continuum. Holosuites, holodecks, what? How bout I just become a god and remake reality as I see fit. These are the voyages of the Q. Our eternal mission: To explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly annoy where no Q has annoyed before. > [@](#): > > Plus I’ve never been so keen on the whole dying thing, and as far as I know, Q don’t die. Well, when Q was stripped of his powers in [“DĂ©jĂ  Q”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D%C3%A9j%C3%A0_Q), he was quite mortal and was in danger from the Calamarain. Then, there were the parents of [Amanda Rogers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_Q), who were killed by a tornado (conjured up by the continuum) in Topeka, Kansas while in human form. Then there was Quinn from the Voyager episode [“Death Wish”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_Wish_(Voyager_Episode)) who became human and Q helped him to commit suicide. It seems you’re immortal as long as you remain omnipotent. Just don’t allow yourself to become human. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/113 "2010-04-21T20:06:21Z")
> [@A.Selene](#): > > Enlisting in Starfleet seems to be a dangerous decision. I think being part of a Vulcan science expedition or something else would be better
 I bet the (TOS) _Intrepid_ probably has a few openings for its next expedition. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/114 "2010-04-21T20:06:30Z")
Education. Depending on where in the timeline I dropped in, I’d make it a point to look up at least one of the hot babes like Troi or Crusher and find out if she might be interested in experiencing hot 21st century monkey love. And I would never, never, never put on a red shirt! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/115 "2010-04-21T20:13:23Z")
> [@Icerigger](#): > > You may be either an obsessive crackpot who’s escaped from his keeper or a distant relative of Samuel T. Cogley, attorney-at-law! Why can’t I be both? Don’t you oppress me! ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/116 "2010-04-21T20:20:08Z")
> [@Smitty](#): > > The Borg have personal shields. Do shields not work on projectiles? I remember one episode where the Enterprise was attacked by lasers and Riker commented that those wouldn’t even penetrate the navigation shields. Now, I am assuming that the navigation shields are there to deflect debris, which is hard matter, so why wouldn’t a bullet bounce off a shield - once they adapted, of course. It seems to be a muddle: Work makes a short lived shield out of a communicator badge, and stopped Evil-Data’s bullets on the holodeck, in an old west street duel. But then in First Contact, Borg shields don’t stop holographic bullets. _shrug_ ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/117 "2010-04-21T20:21:41Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Wow, talk about a Trekker’s dream! I must be weird. I’m genuinely surprised that I seem to be the only one who’d be trying to find a way home. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/118 "2010-04-21T20:27:58Z")
The OP said, “They cannot return you to your proper place in the multiverse.” Don’t fight the hypothetical! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/119 "2010-04-21T20:35:54Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > The OP said, “They cannot return you to your proper place in the multiverse.” Don’t fight the hypothetical! Hey, I WROTE the OP. What I meant is that whatever civilian or Starfleet scientists you meant upon entering don’t know how to get you back to your proper reality, not that it’s categorically impossible. Of course I was trying to start the exact silly discussion that began; I’m just surprised that no one at all wants to go home. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653/120 "2010-04-21T20:39:42Z")
> [@mlees](#): > > It seems to be a muddle: > > Work makes a short lived shield out of a communicator badge, and stopped Evil-Data’s bullets on the holodeck, in an old west street duel. > > But then in First Contact, Borg shields don’t stop holographic bullets. > > _shrug_ Worf knew exactly what he would be facing and jerry-rigged his shield accordingly. Picard’s gambit only worked because the Borg didn’t expect it, and he knew to show no mercy; any Borg that survived his initial volley was going to adapt & overcome. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-trapped-in-the-star-trek-universe-what-do-you-do-now/536653.md?page=7)