# You're wondering why I can hardly stand to talk to you, Dad? Here's an example. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 7, 2012, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019 "2012-09-07T18:13:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/41 "2012-09-08T02:51:08Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > I think he means Southerners have to put up with whatever bullshit their parents dish out, no matter how assholish. I could be wrong. Well, more that boundless politeness is a southern virtue. But it was at least 75% a joke. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/42 "2012-09-08T22:12:22Z")
> [@Love\_Rhombus](#): > > What does being from the North have to do with anything? It was a joke, though I will admit to feeling pity for pity who haven’t eaten real grits. > [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > I think he means Southerners have to put up with whatever bullshit their parents dish out, no matter how assholish. I could be wrong. I didn’t say I put up with it indefinitely, though I didn’t respond as vehemently as some of y’all might like. More of a gentle “This is my house, not yours, please shut up.” ---
**Author:** ![gunnergoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e95f7d/32.png) [@gunnergoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gunnergoz)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/43 "2012-09-08T22:35:55Z")
What would happen if you had someone else’s dad come into the room and make those comments to you? How would you have handled that? Would you have been so upset? The big lesson I learned over time was that as long as I let my parents “push my buttons” as we were both long accustomed to, the same things always happened. When I learned to treat my (then sole remaining) parent as if she were someone else’s parent, I no longer got sucked into the same games and cycles. Things improved and I felt better. My parent seemed reassured and stopped some of the more galling behavior. It was a win-win. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/44 "2012-09-09T01:15:45Z")
Just tell him you’re gay ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2012, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/45 "2012-09-09T13:14:48Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > I’ve heard the theory that you’re not really a man until you’ve had a fist fight with your own father. Time to test that theory IMHO. While ridicule & The LoinFruit Soliloquy (soon to be an episode of The Big Bang Theory) are the preferable options, I was going to suggest something like this. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2012, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/46 "2012-09-09T18:44:36Z")
> [@boomerwang](#): > > Sounds like he was hinting that you should’ve given the tickets to him. . - 1 ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2012, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/47 "2012-09-09T19:58:30Z")
“Then he said I shouldn’t have asked my wife if she wanted to go, but rather told her that she was going.” Lady Rhymer let him get away with that? ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2012, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/48 "2012-09-09T21:11:06Z")
Why don’t you tell him to just shut up? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2012, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/49 "2012-09-09T21:55:20Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > A real man\* would have escorted him out the door about 2 minutes into that 5-hour screed. > > \*I +1 Something about “So sad you have to leave. Now. Here’s your coat. Come on back now…” Just as soon as you’re name’s on the check for the mortgage payment. > [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Well, only half. My mom was a southerner! …this damn Easterner is quite happy to [del]_fist-bump_[/del] applaud your actions. Well said, M’am! ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/50 "2012-09-10T03:27:30Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Just tell him you’re gay he suffered through a 5 hr lecture about free sports tickets. If he told him he was gay he would have been kidnapped and force fed hookers. Seriously Skald, man up next time and shut the lecture down before it starts. As far as the tickets go, it doesn’t make sense to waste your time at an event you don’t enjoy. They were a reward for employee effort and it just makes sense to give them first dibs. It’s called manners. But if it bothers your father that much you can promise him the next tickets to “toddlers and tiaras” when you win them. And I see no reason not to train your wife not to go around opening up worm cans. She can’t want to listen to his rants any more than you do. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/51 "2012-09-10T03:47:20Z")
IIRC at one point Skald’s father was pretty convinced he (Skald) was gay, for attending a gay-friendly church and not confirming to SkalDad’s Neanderthal ideas of masculinity. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/52 "2012-09-10T05:47:33Z")
**Skald’s** problem is that he’s trying to act reasonably, and look for reasonable solutions, with a guy who isn’t reasonable. His dad isn’t going to suddenly become sane. Why start at this late date, right? The only thing to do is to try to limit his time with the family, which is what the OP is doing. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/53 "2012-09-10T13:39:01Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Well, only half. My mom was a southerner! Nice try, but we’re all familiar with the One Drop rule. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/54 "2012-09-10T14:57:49Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > - 1 I was waiting for it, too..but it never came…and ya know before he tossed those tix backin the pool he could have asked the oldster if he wanted to go to the game, with say, a friend and Skald would drive them there and back. ---
**Author:** ![that\_darn\_cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/59ef9b/32.png) [@that\_darn\_cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/that_darn_cat)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/55 "2012-09-10T16:08:54Z")
I love all the suggestions that Skald throw his dad out. You all must have great family relationships. I’m sure he was pissed off, but actually escalating this situation, for what was actually 15 minutes of unpleasantness ( read for comprehension people) seems a bit extreme. Yes, Skald might need some better boundaries with his dad, but all the chest-thumping behaviour you guys are suggesting is almost as bad as his dad’s gaffe. And I suspect that most of you don’t have the balls to do it yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/56 "2012-09-10T16:13:00Z")
It could be worse. By this point in a thread, usually people would have told him to also divorce his wife. Or vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/57 "2012-09-10T17:21:49Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > It could be worse. By this point in a thread, usually people would have told him to also divorce his wife. Or vice versa. Well, they’re kind of _de facto_ telling him to divorce his dad. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/58 "2012-09-10T22:19:42Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > It could be worse. By this point in a thread, usually people would have told him to also divorce his wife. Or vice versa. Why would he divorce a woman with the patience of a saint and the strength of character to resist coming up along side of the damn fool’s head with a cast iron frying pan? Ah-hah! More evidence Skald is not Neanderthal enough! The Lady Rhymer didn’t have a frying pan to hand because he keeps letting her sneak out of the kitchen! I bet she even wears shoes. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/59 "2012-09-10T22:35:09Z")
> [@that\_darn\_cat](#): > > I love all the suggestions that Skald throw his dad out. You all must have great family relationships. I’m sure he was pissed off, but actually escalating this situation, for what was actually 15 minutes of unpleasantness ( read for comprehension people) seems a bit extreme. Yes, Skald might need some better boundaries with his dad, but all the chest-thumping behaviour you guys are suggesting is almost as bad as his dad’s gaffe. And I suspect that most of you don’t have the balls to do it yourself. My family is worse. We fight & hate each other with _no perceptible reason_, not even the dippy one **Skald** ’s Dad came up with. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019/60 "2012-09-10T22:39:05Z")
Some people find it helpful to set boundaries regarding Mom/Dad bringing his/her crazy bullshit, into their house. They have the right to, and are advised to,( in my opinion), escort the crazy to the door, whenever it rears it’s ugly head. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youre-wondering-why-i-can-hardly-stand-to-talk-to-you-dad-heres-an-example/634019.md?page=4)