# youve been murdered most fouly what fictional dective would you want to investigate? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 12, 2019, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986 "2019-03-12T03:25:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/1 "2019-03-12T03:25:48Z")
they can be police dectives private dectives or cozy amature types id of made a poll but theres just too many … ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/2 "2019-03-12T03:30:27Z")
[Inspector Clouseau](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inspector_Clouseau) ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/3 "2019-03-12T03:31:26Z")
Nero Wolfe ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/4 "2019-03-12T03:40:30Z")
Columbo. I want my murderer to be stalked and driven crazy before he/she is nabbed. Or Porfiry Petrovich in _ **Crime and Punishment** _, on whom Columbo is based. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/5 "2019-03-12T03:43:51Z")
Batman. Not that I think he’d be significantly better at figuring out who did me in than any others, but I know that if he got involved I at least went out in an interesting way. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/6 "2019-03-12T03:44:24Z")
Vlad Taltos. OK, he’s not exactly a detective, and he might not solve my murder, but he’s got friends who could bring me back. (outside of D&D fiction, that’s the only setting I know of where resurrection magic is routine) ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/7 "2019-03-12T03:46:45Z")
Tough call. A few options come to mind. Frank Pembleton: Brilliant, dogged, and incorruptible. The man reads Greek! That would have to come in handy if I were snuffed. Jim Rockford: He could probably get the killer, but even if he can’t my brothers would enjoy meeting him. My one brother built a muscle car out of an old Firebird, so he and Jim would have a lot to talk about. Christopher Foyle: Mostly I think he’d be a calming influence. My wife would (I _think_) be beside herself if I got croaked. Mr. Foyle would put her at ease. Also, he’s entirely above reproach. I think I’m going with… Foyle. Not only would he calm the situation down and get the killer, he’d do it with no violence whatsoever. And he’d look and sound perfect doing it. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/8 "2019-03-12T03:50:13Z")
I’d like a team-up of clouseau with Jessica Fletcher ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/9 "2019-03-12T03:53:27Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > I’d like a team-up of clouseau with Jessica Fletcher You’d probably have been murdered just because Jessica was in town. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/10 "2019-03-12T04:14:54Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > You’d probably have been murdered just because Jessica was in town. :eek: The hidden subtext/twist of _Murder, She Wrote_ was that she was always the murderer, right? She would frame all these people, and each episode would show how she made it appear to the outside/law enforcement. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/11 "2019-03-12T04:18:54Z")
Harry “Snapper” Organs. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/12 "2019-03-12T04:23:28Z")
I’m kinda into Phryne Fisher at the moment. Plus I want to be murdered in Australia. And wear all those cool clothes, they are to die for.( heh) ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/13 "2019-03-12T04:26:21Z")
Dan Simmons’ Joe Kurtz. I may be dead, but so will the perpetrators, at least one dirty cop, and probably a few innocent bystanders. I take being murdered very personally. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/14 "2019-03-12T04:27:46Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > The hidden subtext/twist of _Murder, She Wrote_ was that she was always the murderer, right? She would frame all these people, and each episode would show how she made it appear to the outside/law enforcement. Either that or she was cursed to be a harbinger of death. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/15 "2019-03-12T04:31:46Z")
C. Aguste Dupin ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/16 "2019-03-12T04:38:51Z")
Patrick Jane from The Mentalist. He would walk in the room and solve everything in 5 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/17 "2019-03-12T05:03:58Z")
Hmmm. Peter Wimsey, Christopher Foyle, or Tom Barnaby? What a conundrum! I’m not sure I can make a choice. NB: I have nothing against American detectectives, but there’s something terribly reassuring about these detectives. Somehow, you feel you’re in good hands. ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/18 "2019-03-12T05:04:43Z")
[Hieronymus “Harry” Bosch](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Bosch). The man’s relentless. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/19 "2019-03-12T05:10:21Z")
Sherlock Holmes. ---
**Author:** ![Dropo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Dropo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dropo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/20 "2019-03-12T05:23:59Z")
Mike Hammer. He’d go all-out to solve my murder, break any law necessary and/or beat the shit out of anyone in his way. And it would be especially satisfying if he was killed just after publicly exposing my killer because I hate asshole detectives. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986.md?page=2)