# youve been murdered most fouly what fictional dective would you want to investigate? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 12, 2019, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986 "2019-03-12T03:25:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/181 "2019-03-18T00:47:37Z")
Gene Hamburger [Hercule Poirot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_en6PzpEwQQ) ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/182 "2019-03-18T00:51:19Z")
^^ Claude! ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/183 "2019-03-18T00:54:09Z")
Harry Dresden, John Constantine, Bob Howard, or John Taylor. Heck, just have all four of them team up. My death might as well be a precursor to the apocalypse! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/184 "2019-03-18T00:56:37Z")
> [@edspellman](#): > > Ukelele Ike, how old does one have to be to remember “The Thinking Machine”? I read that “Cell 13” story as a kid, loved it. > > No one picks Poirot? He’d not only get the murderer without fail, he’d likely tick off and annoy everyone else involved, so that’s a plus,I’d think. I’m 59 and I read it in a copy of Ellery Queen’s anthology _101 Years’ Entertainment_ which I found at my grandparents’ house. I’ve read a couple of Futrelle’s other Thinking Machine stories. They’re not nearly as good. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/185 "2019-03-18T00:57:43Z")
> [@LennieB](#): > > Another vote for the little Belgian, mes amis. But always with the Capt. Hastings, non? > > Newbie here. I joined not only because DETECTIVES! But because there was an allusion by **pkbites** to one of the greatest suspense movies EVER, “The Day of the Jackal”! I think the best Poirot stories do not involve the captain. ---
**Author:** ![Tapiotar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@Tapiotar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapiotar)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/186 "2019-03-18T01:10:42Z")
IF I can figure positively in a Devil’s Cherry hallucination, then Patrick Jane. If I will be able to watch and enjoy the investigation, than Columbo. Or Monk. Or Shawn Spencer, Gus, and Lassie. If I can haunt Lassie. If I want vengeance, then Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Serge Storm and Colman would be entertaining, as Silenus said, but just a bit over the top. And, as dead, I couldn’t enjoy the communion of substances with Colman. Anyway, Colman’s lack of thinking would drive me crazy. My ghost might conjure up some plaid for Serge, though, just for the fun of it. If my ghostly form can assemble a physical manifestation and create an “affectionate” interaction with the investigator, then definitely Patrick Jane. If it would be possible to detach him from his fixation on his dead wife. ---
**Author:** ![edspellman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@edspellman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edspellman)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/187 "2019-03-18T03:48:51Z")
> [@Bayaker](#): > > Hercule Poirot > > The little gray cells, they never fail, hein? > [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](#): > > I think the best Poirot stories do not involve the captain. I agree, except for “the ABC murders” ---
**Author:** ![edspellman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@edspellman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edspellman)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/188 "2019-03-18T05:58:32Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Jacques Futrelle went down on the Titanic. Yikes. ---
**Author:** ![LennieB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8dc957/32.png) [@LennieB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LennieB)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/189 "2019-03-18T09:58:35Z")
But the question was whom would I want to investigate my murder, not which stories were the best for that character. So I reiterate: Poirot AND Capt. Hastings. No, I do not have red hair! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/190 "2019-03-18T11:41:46Z")
> [@LennieB](#): > > But the question was whom would I want to investigate my murder, not which stories were the best for that character. By that logic, I agree with the poster who picked Lennie Briscoe — because, hey, if I’m going to die _anyway,_ the best I can maybe ask for is a wry quip over my dead body, and rules being bent to find the murderer and inadmissible evidence then being tossed out, followed by an interesting twist brought to my family’s attention, followed by heartfelt speechifying from Jack McCoy, followed by the smirking killer being acquitted moments before he’s gunned down on the courthouse steps. I genuinely wish I could put that in my will. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/191 "2019-03-18T13:36:03Z")
190 posts so far, and no one has mentioned … _Horatio Caine_? [_Whips sunglasses off dramatically._] 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/192 "2019-03-18T13:46:46Z")
If I’ve just been murdered most foul, I don’t have a whole lot of interest at the moment in investigating _anyone_, do I? [even if they are a dective] ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/193 "2019-03-18T17:09:10Z")
Burke. He’d make sure that my murderer got what was coming to him if he deserved it. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/194 "2019-03-18T17:29:23Z")
Saga Norén. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/195 "2019-03-18T21:36:09Z")
Susan St. James. ---
**Author:** ![TwoCarrotSnowman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/twocarrotsnowman/32/15879_2.png) [@TwoCarrotSnowman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoCarrotSnowman)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2019, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/196 "2019-03-18T23:44:57Z")
Detectives Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh. Accompanied by explosions, gratuitous swearing, wisecracks, car chases, a truly astonishing body-count and an 80s saxophone soundtrack. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2019, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/197 "2019-03-19T02:29:05Z")
> [@TwoCarrotSnowman](#): > > Detectives Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh. > > Accompanied by explosions, gratuitous swearing, wisecracks, car chases, a truly astonishing body-count and an 80s saxophone soundtrack. Sorry, at this point, they’re _both_ too old for this shit. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2019, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/198 "2019-03-19T06:00:42Z")
The fiesty-cheeked Angela Lansbury. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986.md?page=9)