# youve been murdered most fouly what fictional dective would you want to investigate? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 12, 2019, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986 "2019-03-12T03:25:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/81 "2019-03-12T21:40:38Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > John Luther. I started watching Luther because, well: Idris Elba. But holy crap, Luther makes [Elliot Stabler](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1569095/characters/nm0005221) look mellow by comparison. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/82 "2019-03-12T21:50:14Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > To further quote Ed McBain: The last time a private eye solved a murder case was never. For a moment, I thought you were going to say “Time for another meeting … in bed!” 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/83 "2019-03-12T21:50:41Z")
Sipowicz; he’ll probably tool up on the perp, first. Of course, Simone (the sissy boy) will have to look the other way and then give him a lecture. Maybe Andy’ll tool up on him, too. ---
**Author:** ![Teddie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Teddie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teddie)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/84 "2019-03-12T22:01:39Z")
Jane Tennison or DCI Jack Frost. Both have a dogged determination to hunt down the killer and I’d trust either of them to find whoever had murdered me. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/85 "2019-03-12T22:20:15Z")
I’m a big fan of the Columbo program, but I wouldn’t want him investigating my murder. His method played out well in the stories, but many of his cases don’t look like they would stand up in court. I wouldn’t want justice hinging on what camera a guy picked up off a shelf. **Defensive Indifference** , there was a time when Frank Pembleton would have been my pick, too. Maybe in true reality he still would be, but if I get to pick someone from fiction, I want a detective with a better clear rate. So probably Batman. Because Batman. If I’m more constrained to reality, I’ll take Gil Grissom. Brilliant, obsessive, creative. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/86 "2019-03-12T22:21:21Z")
Cordelia Gray or Nancy Drew. It would be one of the few times in my life a hot babe cared about me. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/87 "2019-03-12T22:32:25Z")
> [@Defensive\_Indifference](#): > > … > I think I’m going with… Foyle. … It is a tough call, but I’m with you. It would warm my dead heart to know that Foyle was working to solve my murder. Killer 1: Who’s that at the door? Killer 2: Foyle Killer 1: What’s he asking about? Killer 2: The weather. Killer 1: FUCK! ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/88 "2019-03-12T22:39:00Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > I started watching Luther because, well: Idris Elba. But holy crap, Luther makes [Elliot Stabler](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1569095/characters/nm0005221) look mellow by comparison. Exactly. He won’t let rules or law get in the way of getting the killer. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/89 "2019-03-12T22:46:27Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Any particular reason you left out Dirk Gently? If Dirk Gently is meant to solve my murder, he will solve my murder, and what either of us want has nothing to do with it. 🙂 If Jessica Fletcher “solves” my murder, she is a liar and is simply framing some poor guy for her own twisted crimes. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/90 "2019-03-12T23:00:16Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Any particular reason you left out Dirk Gently? Or Sam Spade? Or Philip Marlowe? I wouldn’t pick them, but they’d be on the board. ---
**Author:** ![dorvann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@dorvann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorvann)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/91 "2019-03-12T23:00:33Z")
> [@dorvann](#): > > Detectives Robert Goren and Alexandra Eames from Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Replying to my own post, my second choice would Mack Bolan The Executioner–not to “investigate” the murder precisely, but to go on a roaring rampage of revenge to punish those responsible for my death. Or maybe Marvel Comic’s ripoff character The Punisher–Frank Castle. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/92 "2019-03-12T23:08:06Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Or Sam Spade? Or Philip Marlowe? > > I wouldn’t pick them, but they’d be on the board. Five bucks to anyone who remembers The Spider, who “spins a Web of Justice.” “The Spider … spins … again!” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/93 "2019-03-12T23:10:14Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Five bucks to anyone who remembers The Spider, who “spins a Web of Justice.” > > “The Spider … spins … again!” 😉 Nope, but I remember who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. And you could do a lot worse than Lamont Cranston. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/94 "2019-03-12T23:27:54Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > For a moment, I thought you were going to say “Time for another meeting … in bed!” 🆒 I knew McBain well, and edited eight of his novels back in the ‘90s. He WAS a randy old bastard. No love for any of the other great forgottens of vintage crime fiction? How about Jacques Futrelle’s Professor S.F.X. Van Dusen, aka “The Thinking Machine?” He was the guy who “thought” himself out of Cell 13, the death cage of Boston Penitentiary. Or Ernest Brahman’s Max Carrados, the blind dude whose other senses were so powerful he could read a printed page with his fingertips? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/95 "2019-03-12T23:56:03Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > No love for any of the other great forgottens Private investigator Emerson Cod knows a guy. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2019, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/96 "2019-03-12T23:58:52Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > …No love for any of the other great forgottens of vintage crime fiction? How about Jacques Futrelle’s Professor S.F.X. Van Dusen, aka “The Thinking Machine?” He was the guy who “thought” himself out of Cell 13, the death cage of Boston Penitentiary. > … I remember him. But then I’m old. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/97 "2019-03-13T00:32:23Z")
> [@zamboniracer](#): > > There are a lot of good detectives still on the board. Lenny Brisco from Law & Order, Kay Howard & Meldrick Lewis from Homicide: Life on the Street, Benton Frasier of the RCMP currently serving as at the Canadian consulate in Chicago and his friend, Detective Ray Vechio of the Chicago PD, Detective Mick Belker of wherever the heck Hill Street Blues was set, Det. Virgil Tubbs of Sparta MS, Det. Jane Rizzoli of the Boston PD, Lt. Abbie Mills of Sleepy Hollow, Deputy Barney Fife of Mayberry, etc etc etc. > > I’m going with the Mountie in Chicago and his friend, Frasier & Vechio. barney? really ? andy maybe but barney? oh and ya forgot matlock too ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/98 "2019-03-13T00:33:04Z")
Nick and Nora Charles. And I’m putting it into my final requests that there should be a dinner party after my death so they can identify the murderer at it. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/99 "2019-03-13T00:34:14Z")
if i was going hardboiled … i want dennis farinas characters from crime story or law and order … ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/100 "2019-03-13T00:39:28Z")
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