# youve been murdered most fouly what fictional dective would you want to investigate? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 12, 2019, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986 "2019-03-12T03:25:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/101 "2019-03-13T00:42:46Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Vlad Taltos. OK, he’s not exactly a detective, and he might not solve my murder, but he’s got friends who could bring me back. > > (outside of D&D fiction, that’s the only setting I know of where resurrection magic is routine) I like the idea in principle, but Vlad is so busy hiding from the Jhereg that he might not be able to do much for you. I like Peter Wimsey, but also Vimes. ---
**Author:** ![Fair\_Rarity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fair_rarity/32/153_2.png) [@Fair\_Rarity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fair_Rarity)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/102 "2019-03-13T00:55:11Z")
I think if you lived in Massachusetts in the 80s, as I did, you’re legally required to answer Spenser. I mean, you get Hawk too and that doesn’t hurt. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/103 "2019-03-13T01:03:08Z")
I was just coming in to mention Spenser. I could go with him. I enjoyed his sense of humor. And he never gives up. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/104 "2019-03-13T02:24:26Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > I knew McBain well, and edited eight of his novels back in the ‘90s. He WAS a randy old bastard. > > No love for any of the other great forgottens of vintage crime fiction? How about Jacques Futrelle’s Professor S.F.X. Van Dusen, aka “The Thinking Machine?” He was the guy who “thought” himself out of Cell 13, the death cage of Boston Penitentiary. > > Or Ernest Brahman’s Max Carrados, the blind dude whose other senses were so powerful he could read a printed page with his fingertips? If you’re going with crime fiction that vintage, what about E.C. Bentley’s Philip Trent? ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/105 "2019-03-13T02:29:49Z")
Ned from Pushing Daisies. Not only will he find the killer, but he’ll also bring me back to life for a few moments. Win! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/106 "2019-03-13T02:39:18Z")
> [@Defensive\_Indifference](#): > > … > Christopher Foyle: Mostly I think he’d be a calming influence. My wife would (I _think_) be beside herself if I got croaked. Mr. Foyle would put her at ease. Also, he’s entirely above reproach. > > I think I’m going with… Foyle. Not only would he calm the situation down and get the killer, he’d do it with no violence whatsoever. And he’d look and sound perfect doing it. That series was pretty damn good until the last set but the actor didnt really want to do that, I heard. I have it on DVD. ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/107 "2019-03-13T03:04:19Z")
Peter Grant and Nightingale. They’ve got (most of) the London area river gods on their side as well as the Met. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/108 "2019-03-13T03:14:48Z")
Vlad has managed things so he’s not in danger from the Jhereg anymore. At least not the main organization. The Left Hand still has it in for him, but since the rest of the organization now has a vested interest in keeping him alive (or they get jailed and their wealth confiscated), the next book (assuming it is chronologically after _Hawk_) should be very interesting. Hathaway is an inspector now, but there were hints he might retire at the end of the last series. I wouldn’t mind Lewis and Hathaway being assigned to investigate my murder. Or perhaps Albert Campion, who, while not as reassuring as the cousins Barnaby, or Foyle, or Wimsey, is still very good at figuring things out. ---
**Author:** ![road\_lobo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d78d45/32.png) [@road\_lobo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/road_lobo)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/109 "2019-03-13T04:04:03Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > [William of Baskerville](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Name_of_the_Rose) because it means that I have been dead for about 600 years. I should be over it all by now. Nice. But he’d probably point out that the dead can’t want. Disregarding that, I choose Jack Cloth. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/110 "2019-03-13T06:27:00Z")
> [@road\_lobo](#): > > Disregarding that, I choose Jack Cloth. I was going to choose him! Finest mind since Frank Dreben. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_Arachnid_Laser_1)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/111 "2019-03-13T10:18:32Z")
> [@Sefton](#): > > Ned from Pushing Daisies. Not only will he find the killer, but he’ll also bring me back to life for a few moments. Win! Also, you guarantee that your demise will be somewhat convoluted yet charmingly whimsical, if you were aiming for a memorable death. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/112 "2019-03-13T11:25:26Z")
Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster. Or, failing that, Mike Tyson: > **[Mike Tyson Mysteries (TV Series 2014–2020) - IMDb](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt3038546/?ref_=m_nmfmd_act_6)** > > Mike Tyson Mysteries: Created by Hugh Davidson, Lee Stimmel, Mike Tyson, Giancarlo Volpe. With Mike Tyson, Norm MacDonald, Rachel Ramras, Jim Rash. In this macabre comedy, retired boxing champion Mike Tyson, his brainy adopted Asian-American... ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/113 "2019-03-13T12:46:44Z")
Hercule Poirot The little gray cells, they never fail, hein? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/114 "2019-03-13T12:59:33Z")
Joe Pike, with or without Elvis Cole. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/115 "2019-03-13T13:10:19Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > I knew McBain well, and edited eight of his novels back in the ‘90s. He WAS a randy old bastard. I meant **this guy** : Oh, McBain! :o ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/116 "2019-03-13T13:30:31Z")
What about Danny Reagen of Blue Bloods? Anyone who could steal a TV show away from Tom Selleck could solve my murder in no time. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/117 "2019-03-13T13:43:09Z")
I don’t want my murder _solved_. I want it _avenged_. And in an interesting way, so my choice is Serge Storms and Colman. ---
**Author:** ![Teuton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/teuton/32/3864_2.png) [@Teuton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teuton)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/118 "2019-03-13T13:45:01Z")
If I wanted bad things to happen to the perp (and i do), I’d be choosing Judge Dredd. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/119 "2019-03-13T13:50:06Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Joe Pike, with or without Elvis Cole. Joe will keep the investigation moving forward. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/120 "2019-03-13T13:58:00Z")
I’m struck by the fact that, in three pages, nobody yet has mentioned Pikachu. I’m sure there’s good reason for that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986.md?page=7)