# youve been murdered most fouly what fictional dective would you want to investigate? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 12, 2019, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986 "2019-03-12T03:25:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/141 "2019-03-13T22:32:01Z")
> [@txjim](#): > > Sure, but the murder was in Chicago “Oh, that? The killer was clearly his sister, the left-handed heart surgeon.” “Then why were you sampling all of those drugs from London?” “Hmm?” ---
**Author:** ![squidfood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@squidfood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squidfood)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/142 "2019-03-13T22:37:07Z")
Obvious, given the thread title: Hamlet. I’d get to hang around for a ghost for a couple of acts at least and tell the full story while waiting for him to get on with it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/143 "2019-03-13T22:48:14Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > I love that guy! Best “armchair detective” before Nero Wolfe came around in 1934. > > How about H.C. Bailey’s Reggie Fortune? Nearly as irritating as S.S. Van Dine’s Philo Vance. “My dear aunt!” I’ve never read Philo Vance, but if he’s more irritating than Reggie Fortune I don’t want to. ---
**Author:** ![pmwgreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@pmwgreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pmwgreen)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/144 "2019-03-13T23:06:36Z")
I never read Philo Vance, but used to listen to the radio (OTR) versions. There was definitely something going on between Vance and DA Markham. That reminds me, the Thin Man! Did he survive Prohibition? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/145 "2019-03-13T23:30:53Z")
> [@pmwgreen](#): > > I never read Philo Vance, but used to listen to the radio (OTR) versions. There was definitely something going on between Vance and DA Markham. > > That reminds me, the Thin Man! Did he survive Prohibition? Though, strictly speaking, they weren’t detectives, I always thought Raffles and Bunny had a thing going on between them. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/146 "2019-03-14T00:48:39Z")
> [@pmwgreen](#): > > I never read Philo Vance, but used to listen to the radio (OTR) versions. There was definitely something going on between Vance and DA Markham. > > That reminds me, the Thin Man! Did he survive Prohibition? Slight 75 year old spoiler ahead: No, he died in the first film. he was Mr Body, aka "The Deceased, aka the victim. Which is why the sequels were a bit puzzling. The Thin Man is not really in the first film, nor IIRC any of the sequels, which since he was dead - is understandable. ---
**Author:** ![pmwgreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@pmwgreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pmwgreen)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/147 "2019-03-14T00:49:20Z")
> [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](#): > > Though, strictly speaking, they weren’t detectives, I always thought Raffles and Bunny had a thing going on between them. And Boston Blackie. He had a sidekick as well. I’d forgotten about him. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/148 "2019-03-14T01:01:48Z")
Father Brown. GK Chesterton’s Father Brown, not the TV Father Brown (who solves crimes like solving riddles). GK Chesterton’s Father Brown was humble and brought a deep insight into human nature along with an idiosyncratic knowledge of crime. He was, admittedly, a little holier than I am, but at least he wasn’t more criminal than I am. I’d not like my death to be the occasion of more criminality. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/149 "2019-03-14T01:24:51Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > The hidden subtext/twist of _Murder, She Wrote_ was that she was always the murderer, right? She would frame all these people, and each episode would show how she made it appear to the outside/law enforcement. Dawn French had a lovely murder series “Murder Most Horrid”, where she was variously the victim, somebody else, or the murderer. A delightful twist on the genre. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/150 "2019-03-14T13:14:25Z")
One that hasn’t been mentioned is Dick Tracy. ---
**Author:** ![SingleMalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/singlemalt/32/3961_2.png) [@SingleMalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SingleMalt)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/151 "2019-03-14T15:48:52Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > I don’t want my murder _solved_. I want it _avenged_. And in an interesting way, so my choice is Serge Storms and Colman. Under the “avenged” standard, I would choose [Frank Castle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Punisher_(TV_series)). ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/152 "2019-03-14T16:03:11Z")
Glad to see Spenser and Hawk getting some love here. I’ve been working my way through Parker’s novels over the past few years and enjoying them immensely. > [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](#): > > I’ve never read Philo Vance, but if he’s more irritating than Reggie Fortune I don’t want to. I read only one Philo Vance book, the first, and he was \*incredibly \*irritating. Ogden Nash had it right: [Philo Vance - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philo_Vance#Criticisms_of_Vance_and_the_novels) ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/153 "2019-03-14T17:11:02Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I read only one Philo Vance book, the first, and he was \*incredibly \*irritating. The first one — **The Benson Murder Case** — is unreadable. Arguably the best of the set is **The Bishop Murder Case,** but I also enjoyed **Greene** and **Canary** (in which Vance determined the killer by _playing poker with all the suspects.)_ By far the grooviest thing about the Vance books is the intricate little maps of the murder scene in each frontispiece. Very 1920s. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/154 "2019-03-14T17:14:34Z")
Another interesting fact: S.S. Van Dyne is on record as saying “no human being is capable of generating more than a half-dozen ingenious detective novel plots.” The first six Philo Vance novels are good reading. The other six suck. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/155 "2019-03-14T17:19:51Z")
> [@Alpha\_Twit](#): > > [Inspector Clouseau](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inspector_Clouseau) I like your answer. Me, I want to die laughing. I guess a second option would be to be dead and engender laughter. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/156 "2019-03-14T18:40:45Z")
I’ve just started re-reading _Bridge of Birds_, and I now want Li Kao and Number Ten Ox to investigate. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/157 "2019-03-14T19:56:47Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Another interesting fact: S.S. Van Dyne is on record as saying “no human being is capable of generating more than a half-dozen ingenious detective novel plots.” > > … Then, he hasnt read Nero Wolfe, because he is dead wrong. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/158 "2019-03-14T19:58:08Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > I’ve just started re-reading _Bridge of Birds_, and I now want Li Kao and Number Ten Ox to investigate. They’d do well in Ancient China, but I dunno in modern times. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/159 "2019-03-14T20:01:17Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Then, he hasnt read Nero Wolfe, because he is dead wrong. Arthur Conan Doyle, Agatha Christie and Robert B. Parker, among others, also prove that. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_Arachnid_Laser_1)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986/160 "2019-03-14T20:20:16Z")
> [@Teuton](#): > > If I wanted bad things to happen to the perp (and i do), I’d be choosing Judge Dredd. Eh. Part of the fun of Judge Dredd is how the Judges apply the law in arbitrary and unfair manners. You can get three years in the iso-cubes for mass murder and death by high-explosive for jaywalking. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-been-murdered-most-fouly-what-fictional-dective-would-you-want-to-investigate/830986.md?page=9)