# You've got healing hands. How do you use them, if at all? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 6, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270 "2011-12-06T16:55:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/1 "2011-12-06T16:55:19Z")
Sneaking through the Rhymer Lair looking for nude pictures of 1950s [Grace Kelly](http://entertainment-ganesh.blogspot.com/2011/06/rare-grace-kelly-pics.html) obtained got on my last cross-time trip, you grow both thirsty and careless. Consequently you take a drink of pineapple-orange juice that has been impregnated with nanites that, once in your bloodstream, give you the power to heal wounds and illnesses by a laying on of hands. Here are the rules: [ul] [li]You have a maximum of 1 year in which you can use this power.[/li][li]The nanites’ draw their energy from some extradimensional power source – the same place Bruce Banner draws on to get extra mass & energy, I expect. Thus simply using the power isn’t all that physically tiring, but it is a rather mental exertion.[/li][li]How long it takes to heal a wound or sickness depends on the severity of the ailment. A light tap on the cheek will suffice to cure someone of the sniffles, and you can do that all day if you feel like it. A broken arm will take 5 minutes of moderate concentration. Curing metastatic liver cancer will take three or four hours of intense concentration, and the nanites will need at least a week to recharge before you can use them again.[/li][/ul] Will you use your healing power? If yes, how? If not, why not? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/2 "2011-12-06T16:58:31Z")
I’d make a weekly visit to DFCI and cure a kid. Didn’t even have to think about this one. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/3 "2011-12-06T17:04:36Z")
Can I cure developmental disorders like Down’s Syndrome, or does the body not recognize anything “wrong” with itself when it developed that way? ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/4 "2011-12-06T17:07:09Z")
Something similar to **tdn**. I might try to stay close to where I live, but I would try to encourage hospitals to bring in patients so that I could heal them. As long as they paid me a stipend that I could live off of, I wouldn’t even mind taking the year off from school to become a full-time healer. I’d like to try to get researchers at the hospital to extract some of the nanites and study their properties with the hope of artificially creating them. This scenario is completely unrealistic though. I’d never drink pineapple-orange juice, blech! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/5 "2011-12-06T17:08:03Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > Can I cure developmental disorders like Down’s Syndrome, or does the body not recognize anything “wrong” with itself when it developed that way? Hmm. Hadn’t thought of that. I’m going to rule that you can do that, but it’s even harder than the cancer example above, as you’re talking about a lot of wholesale genetic rejiggering. So you can do it, but it’ll take a good twelve hours of work at least, and not only will you not be able to use the nanites again for a month, but you’ll have to take a week off beforehand. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/6 "2011-12-06T17:12:54Z")
I’d sell my talent to the highest bidders in the world. When I was sure to be set for life I’d spend my time at a local hospital. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/7 "2011-12-06T17:12:58Z")
I almost have to question my own answer. Are kids that have cancer prone to it? Will they just get sick again? It would suck to cure them and not have it “stick.” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/8 "2011-12-06T17:13:52Z")
Of course I’d use it. Who wouldn’t? Not using a gift like that would be a crime/sin/bad thing. Do I know the source of the power is nanites? If so (and probably even if I don’t) I donate a bit of blood to some university or research foundation of some sort to figure out what makes the power tick and whether they can reverse engineer it. While that’s going on, I would probably drive myself utterly trying to figure out who to use the power on. Any answer is unsatisfying, as no matter whom you heal, there are hundred or thousands of others whom you don’t. I guess you just have to try to do the most good and pray you have the wisdom to get it right. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/9 "2011-12-06T17:20:32Z")
I’d help unfortunate women unable to achieve orgasm. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/10 "2011-12-06T17:21:37Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > So you can do it, but it’ll take a good twelve hours of work at least, and not only will you not be able to use the nanites again for a month, but you’ll have to take a week off beforehand. Hm. Those restrictions keep it interesting. On one hand, a kid with a developmental disability is never going to be normal, while a kid with cancer will either get better or won’t… but I can cure more than 4x as many cancer-ridden kids. I don’t know. Usually these are easy. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/11 "2011-12-06T17:23:24Z")
I would set up shop. Rules: 1. Only see people who have been selected by committee of doctors to ensure there is no other cure available, so I am not wasting time. 2. One person per month can pay - (highest bidder) - to move to the head of the line. That money will be used at the end of the year to pay for those who need special treatments after my year is up. My guess is there are a few billionaires who can cough up a large chunk of change. Everyone else gets the healing for free. 3. Nobody will ever know who I am - I will set up shop in an isolated area, only the sick person will see me and they will sign a paper promising to never reveal who I am. BTW, not to be greedy, but I would take one year’s salary equivalent to that of a Beverly Hill’s doctor from that huge pool of money to make up for the time I spent that year doing nothing else. When the year is over, my guess is I will need a few weeks to recover at a nice secluded island resort. ---
**Author:** ![Cap\_n\_Obvious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e56c9b/32.png) [@Cap\_n\_Obvious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cap_n_Obvious)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/12 "2011-12-06T17:24:42Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I’d sell my talent to the highest bidders in the world. When I was sure to be set for life I’d spend my time at a local hospital. This. I’d do it the entire year. After that, I’d set aside enough money to live comfortably on the interest. The rest of the cash would be used to buy politicians in an effort to get real universal health care in America. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/13 "2011-12-06T17:31:27Z")
After testing my powers on my closest family members and friends, I might try to set up a shop like DMark’s. I might try selling it as some sort of faith-healing, so the government doesn’t kidnap me and force me to work on repugnant senators. If an organ has been removed due to a previous cancer, can the nanites cause it to grow back? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/14 "2011-12-06T17:32:30Z")
Can I use it on myself? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/15 "2011-12-06T17:33:20Z")
> [@Cap\_n\_Obvious](#): > > This. I’d do it the entire year. After that, I’d set aside enough money to live comfortably on the interest. The rest of the cash would be used to buy politicians in an effort to get real universal health care in America. With the right bidder, it might just be one. Imagine what someone like Steve Jobs would’ve paid. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/16 "2011-12-06T17:44:36Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Can I use it on myself? This. Rub it 'till it’s raw? Never again. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/17 "2011-12-06T18:14:17Z")
Can it heal mental disorders? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/18 "2011-12-06T18:47:34Z")
> [@MegaBee](#): > > Can it heal mental disorders? I’m going to say that it could cure problems with brain chemistry and the like, but not behavioral issues. And also that something like hebrephrenic schizophrenia is going to be as hard to handle as an advanced cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Deegeea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Deegeea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deegeea)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/19 "2011-12-06T18:51:35Z")
I like DMark’s idea and would do that, though I’d spend the first couple weeks and last couple weeks (or however long was needed at each end) fixing anything wrong or incipiently wrong with my immediate family. I worry so much about their health and at least this way I’d know for one year they were ok. Adding that I’d give the doctor committee a suggestion to keep sending new types of illness for attempts and then giving them feedback as to how much energy / time those took, so they’d get a stronger feel for who would be worth sending to me. So did we ever find those Grace Kelly pictures? ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2011, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270/20 "2011-12-06T19:40:14Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m going to say that it could cure problems with brain chemistry and the like, but not behavioral issues. And also that something like hebrephrenic schizophrenia is going to be as hard to handle as an advanced cancer. I’d use it subtly, then, and keep it to my circle of friends. There are enough brain chemistry and chronic illnesses here to keep me busy for the entire year. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-got-healing-hands-how-do-you-use-them-if-at-all/605270.md?page=2)