# You've Gotta Laugh And Cry **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 1, 2008, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573 "2008-04-01T19:59:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![3waygeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e95f7d/32.png) [@3waygeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3waygeek)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/21 "2008-04-02T00:47:13Z")
Sounds like Mr. Riches is trying to one-up [Teri Tyler](http://www.milk.com/wall-o-shame/conspiracy.html). ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/22 "2008-04-02T01:07:30Z")
Oh, I see he’s suing an airplane – Air Force One. Good one! And I do appreciate his restraint – he’s suing Engine #9, but neither Love Potion #9 or Chanel #5. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/23 "2008-04-02T01:32:01Z")
I sorta hoped he was suing Jack Thompson, but it doesn’t look like he is. He DID sue Fred Phelps and the WBC. Meanwhile my favorite was this one: > [@](#): > > Plaintiff (a/k/a “Litigator Crusador”) alleged that defendant Jeff Gordon conspired with Barry Bonds, Michael Vick and others to drive his life insane, create madness in the world, and use #24 as a weapon of mass destruction. Plaintiff further alleged that defendant tied him to the bumper during the Talladega race, took Kit from Night Rider, used his #24 car in illegal car fights at Jiffy Lube Express, **and used the #24 to hit Juan Valdez’s horse**. Plaintiff seeks a preliminary injunction to prevent defendant from driving off without paying at Sunoco stations. My emphasis. The guy also says he can run a marathon in under two hours and a mile in under four minutes, and is (was?) an NFL placekicker in the 18th century, but is deaf and blind and suffering from terminal cancer. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/24 "2008-04-02T01:54:01Z")
[QUOTE=bubble pop electric] Oh my God, this site will entertain me for _days._ [/QUOTE] Oh, yeah, this is GOOD. Y’know, a few more drinks (and by that I mean a whole fifth of Gin) and I could start wondering why didn’t I think of some of these myself… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/25 "2008-04-02T02:07:02Z")
He’s at least paying part of his debt to society by making people laugh. He sounds like Doctor Bronner in a very bad mood. **Plaintiff sued the Jena 6 for “Loss of My White Rights” and sought $100 million in white gold and the White House. Plaintiff alleged that defendants hung a white noose in his cell at FCI Willaimsburg, told the FCI Williamsburg dentists not to fix his white fillings, fed him tainted White Castle hamburgers, turn his cell mate into Snow White, called him the white Suge Knight, burnt him with Great Whites pyrotechnics, made him suffer whiteouts, gave him white phosphorus, subjected him to low white blood cell counts, and that Vanna White won’t write. Defendants also allegedly turned plaintiff into a white collar criminal and sent Whitehouse prosecutors after his white skin.** Sounds like something that Click & Clack would end “Car Talk” with… ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/26 "2008-04-02T07:34:11Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] I sorta hoped he was suing Jack Thompson, but it doesn’t look like he is. He DID sue Fred Phelps and the WBC. Meanwhile my favorite was this one: > [@](#): > > Plaintiff (a/k/a “Litigator Crusador”) alleged that defendant Jeff Gordon conspired with Barry Bonds, Michael Vick and others to drive his life insane, create madness in the world, and use #24 as a weapon of mass destruction. Plaintiff further alleged that defendant tied him to the bumper during the Talladega race, took Kit from Night Rider, used his #24 car in illegal car fights at Jiffy Lube Express, and used the #24 to hit Juan Valdez’s horse. Plaintiff seeks a preliminary injunction to prevent defendant from driving off without paying at Sunoco stations. My emphasis. The guy also says he can run a marathon in under two hours and a mile in under four minutes, and is (was?) an NFL placekicker in the 18th century, but is deaf and blind and suffering from terminal cancer. [/QUOTE] Juan Valdez has a burro, not a horse. That right there should be the kind of niggling little technicality that gets the case thrown out of court. Well, along with the fact that it’s batshit insane. I guess it’s good he has a hobby. Something to keep him busy, stop him dwelling on the past, give him an interest in life, sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/27 "2008-04-02T08:06:15Z")
> [@Crazy guy in prison](#): > > …turn his cell mate into Snow White… Wouldn’t someone turning your cell mate into Snow White be a _good_ thing? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/28 "2008-04-02T08:13:32Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] Please to be explaining how anyone could build a case against the Eiffel Tower? [/QUOTE] I’d be looking to undermine it’s position. Certainly putting one over it would take a lot of effort. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/29 "2008-04-02T13:52:53Z")
[QUOTE=MEBuckner] Wouldn’t someone turning your cell mate into Snow White be a _good_ thing? [/QUOTE] I am also failing to see a down side there. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/30 "2008-04-02T14:22:40Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] I am also failing to see a down side there. [/QUOTE] She smells of dwarves. That and she’s at least 71 years old… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/31 "2008-04-02T14:26:33Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] Oh, I see he’s suing an airplane – Air Force One. Good one! And I do appreciate his restraint – he’s suing Engine #9, but neither Love Potion #9 or Chanel #5. [/QUOTE] Maybe he ment the movie? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/32 "2008-04-02T14:29:34Z")
Clipped from the long list in the OP: > [@](#): > > Darryl F. Zanck Institute for Media Domination and Talmudic Studies Can you imagine how insane the conspiracy types would go if this really existed? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/33 "2008-04-02T14:36:29Z")
It’s like everywhere I look today there’s a list that begins with George W. Bush and ends with Bumble Bee Tuna. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/34 "2008-04-02T14:37:17Z")
Oh, c’mon! He can’t be that bad, he sued the Catholic Church. Anyone who sues the Catholic Church, \*and \* Bumble Bee Tuna deserve some respect. These two things are the root of all evil. Can inmates access drugs? Because that guy must be doing some serious ones. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/35 "2008-04-02T14:41:57Z")
Well, I was going to say he was a bit off for misspelling Condoleezza Rice’s name, but then I kept scrolling. :eek: He’s also suing the Sears Tower. Maybe that balances out the Eiffel Tower somehow. :: reads list some more :: …and he’s suing the Golden Gate Bridge. Oops. That totally unbalances it. No wonder it was thrown out. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/36 "2008-04-02T14:43:28Z")
It’s like a wish list for Blackie Sherrod’s _Scattershooting while wondering whatever happened to…_ Hell, for all I know Blackie’s on the list too. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/37 "2008-04-02T15:50:45Z")
The court might have a difficult time locating “Cleo”, but probaby a more difficult time locating “Holy Grail”. Ooh, and it’ll be hard finding a jury who will convict “Virgin Mary”. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/38 "2008-04-02T16:01:06Z")
What do these three defendants have in common? - The Baathist Regime - The Pillsbury Corporation - The Virgin Mary …the world may never know. ---
**Author:** ![AngryIrishLass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bbce88/32.png) [@AngryIrishLass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngryIrishLass)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/39 "2008-04-02T16:02:59Z")
> [@](#): > > Virgin Mary I want to see him serve her court papers. ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2008, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573/40 "2008-04-02T16:28:00Z")
[At least you can read his hand writing](http://docs.justia.com/cases/federal/district-courts/nevada/nvdce/3:2007cv00478/56771/1/1.html) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youve-gotta-laugh-and-cry/443573.md?page=3)