# Yup, I'm gonna hire a hooker **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 16, 2000, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614 "2000-08-16T20:49:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Outrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9d8465/32.png) [@Outrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Outrider)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/41 "2000-08-17T15:07:05Z")
Anyone remember that sex-themed Monty Python clip montage? I couldn’t possibly do justice to it in words. “Are you going to show me videos all night or are you going to make love to me?” ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/42 "2000-08-17T15:47:51Z")
how about _“I know all there is to know about the Crying Game…”_ ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/43 "2000-08-17T15:50:47Z")
I guess it’s too late for Michael Jackson’s _Beat it_? Thought so… ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/44 "2000-08-17T17:02:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by friedo \* > \*\*What did the leper say to the prostitute? > > “You can keep the tip.” > > BA-dum CHING! > > \*\* Well Audrey, guess I’m not the only one who knows that joke… BTW, friedo, nice sig - I love that movie. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Spider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/45 "2000-08-17T17:07:38Z")
I always thought it was: What do you get when you fuck a leper? A piece of ass. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/46 "2000-08-17T18:02:56Z")
Damnit! I’ve been too busy to give the best advice all… Make sure you masturbate first! You don’t spend all that money and let her have the easy one! Some of you know me from way back may remember this admission of guilt… I actually lost my virginity to a prostitute. My three best friends and I were guests at a whorehouse (we were all under age) of one of my friend’s uncle. I think I’ve been jaded ever since. Geez, that was 20+ years ago! ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/47 "2000-08-17T20:28:35Z")
Inquiring minds want to know. You don’t have to go into any great detail. We are mainly curious to know if 1. You went through with it 2. It met your expectations 3. Would you do it again? ---
**Author:** ![Spider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Spider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/48 "2000-08-17T21:02:18Z")
Somebody call the cops. Either A) Lizard is handcuffed to a bed with duct tape over his mouth and his house is cleaned out. B) Lizard tried to do something he wasn’t allowed to do and her pimp beat the piss outta him and castrated him. C) Lizard found the hooker with a heart of gold, she fell in love with his gentle nature and they went to LV to get married D) Lizard paid a LOT of money and is getting all the bang for his buck. If it’s C or D, don’t call the cops. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/49 "2000-08-17T21:11:56Z")
Does anyone have a 20 on **heatherlee** today? ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/50 "2000-08-17T21:35:16Z")
What exactly are you implying there Chief? ---
**Author:** ![enilorac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3bc359/32.png) [@enilorac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enilorac)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/51 "2000-08-18T02:32:14Z")
ah no news yet? ---
**Author:** ![enilorac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3bc359/32.png) [@enilorac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enilorac)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614/52 "2000-08-18T02:34:46Z")
nevermind i didn’t see it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yup-im-gonna-hire-a-hooker/29614.md?page=2)