YUUUUUPPPPP, Storage Wars is fake

Right, there probably was a lot of lockers they don’t bother to show. For the ones they do, it’s not like they’re showing million-dollar finds every week. Heck, most of the “big money” stuff turned out to be bogus–like Dave’s violin or Mark’s Nintendo system.

The rest is usually stuff that really isn’t all that impressive of a profit once you look at the effort involved. I don’t think it necessarily stretches believability that someone dumped a chakra crystals set in their locker, or that a locker that looked like it came from a college student in Southern California had a fancy surfboard.

I know when my grandmother died and my grandfather moved out of their house, we stored a bunch of stuff that wouldn’t fit in his new place in my mom’s garage and it took us years before we bothered to get through all of it. And sure enough, we found things like money hidden in weird drawers or behind paintings or whatever.

And when my grandfather died, we went through much the same process. One of the things we found there was rather strange–some sort of weapon, we think, triangular blade where the edges aren’t sharp, but the point definitely is, so some sort of odd stabbing weapon in a woven scabbard.

If we didn’t have space in the garage, I could see how we might have rented a locker, and if we had hit any sort of financial bump, we might have just let it go–and that might have been worth filming.

Now is it possible that some lockers are seeded in some way? Sure, and I bet the temptation would get greater if they are filming a lot of duds, just to reduce costs.

But taking Dave’s words at pure face value is saying “Ah ha! I’ve been saying you’ve been lying for years, but now what you’re saying is matching my preconceived opinions, therefore you must be telling the truth now!”

I’m with Stink Fish Pot here. It just so happens that your ONE precious heirlooms (mixed in with your old clothes and crappy furniture) is a precious vase from 18th century China? It wasn’t a knockoff bought in 1987, or even a modest Italian piece that your grandmother bought in 1910. It is 200 years old? And it is the only vase in the locker?

Plus, again, even if you are the most desperate crack addict in the world, you know that you have that vase in the locker. Beg, steal, or borrow the hundred bucks to pay your storage bill, get the vase out of the locker, and then let it all go to hell, pocketing the difference to support your crack habit.

Others though are way off. Darrell especially. In one they found a green Baja Mini-bike that he went on about how cool this was and it was so popular in the '70’s. I bought the exact same thing about 5 years ago at Dick’s sporting goods. Made in China and I think I paid right around $200. Lasted for a few months… got it fixed for about $50… lasted another few months. I’d be happy to give it away to clear out room in my storage barn. According to Darrell… “this will get $300 easy.”

It also cracks me up when they find big speakers from the 20+ years ago. “These are by Fisher’s… these are good. Easily $150 each.” I sold those speakers in the '80’s and they were a down sell for someone who couldn’t afford the basic mid quality speakers like Technics… let alone the really good stuff. I think they went for more like $100… 30 years ago, brand new.

I can see seeding storage lockers as a cost-effective way to rig the show (I don’t watch it, but just had some thoughts on the matter.)
While you could make the show work by filming large numbers of storage locker auctions and reveals, you’re wasting a lot of crew and camera time which has to be paid for.

To save on your personnel and equipment rentals, you either only film locker auctions and reveals where you have a seeded item, or you do what someone said the pawnshop show does, and reenact the auction and reveal where you know something will be found, because it was found before it had to be reenacted and the camera crew was called in.

All you have to do is make sure:

value of seeded items (or even better rental cost of seeded item) < $ value of saved crew time and equipment time

…and you have an economical way of rigging the show.

I don’t understand how as professionals they would get caught up in that hoopla. You would think that Hester, Darrell, and even Jared have enough experience now to look at the handful of items in a locker and then from past experience come up with a range of likely values in that locker, mentally calculate what profit margin they need and quickly decide, “Ok, I’ll pay a max of $2k for this locker or else I’m walking.”

I can see amateurs getting caught up in price wars, but why the pros?

Because money was no longer an issue because:

  1. The producers, according to Hester, offered “buyers assistance” to those who couldn’t pay, and

  2. All the actors are getting paid per episode. If Hester is going to make $28k per episode, what does he care if a $300 locker goes for $900?

Jared, thank you, that’s the kid. It was really pathetic how long it took him. I think he sort of idolized Hester at first, and thought he coudl do well by bidding on what he found to be valuable. Sweet kid, but stupid.

I do know that the heat of an auction can be very tempting. Those auctioneers use that constant patter to keep the pace going fast, and it’s easy to forget that they want your money, and will wait while you make a decision.

I would imagine that the added fear of being shown up on national television also made them rush ahead the first few times. Hester’s primary competitive advantage is his willngness to go home empty-handed.

Well here is the skinny on Darrel’s seemingly unlikely $300,000 of art.

For those of you unfamiliar Darrel bought a locker that turned out to have hundreds of paintings by a well-known Chicano artist, Frank Guttierez. Of course, given the recent claims by Hester, folks weren’t buying it. It turns out the locker was one of hidden from Guttierez by one of his ex’s 11 years ago. At least that’s the story.

I figured giving Darrel the $300,000 locker was the producer’s way of giving Hester a spanking for being disruptive.

I have a completely opposite read. His ego is so big and fragile that he is unable to express when he is wrong. When he loses an auction it’s always, “I didn’t want that crap I just wanted to run up the price.” When he wins a bit, it’s, “this is worth way more than I bid, everyone else is stupid.” I don’t believe him for a second.

At the end of the first season, the various bidders sat down with the producer at a table in a closed casino in Las Vegas for a friendly chat about their experiences bidding on storage lockers. It was broadcast as a wrap-up special and was very friendly and casual. Except for Dave Hester, who made a point of challenging the others, such as on how much money they had in their wallets, or how much their biggest score was. I can see why he is competitive during the regular shows; they are competing with each other for the most lucrative lockers, and for the end-of-show summary of who made the most money and who lost the most money. But there was no need to be competitive during that special.

  • Interesting because the couple of times I have seen where there was a vehicle in the unit, it was made clear by the auctioneer that the vehicle must be sold separately under California law.

If the beautified female is Brandi, I’m not much impressed. Besides, she and Jarrod met while she was working in a strip club he managed (I read somewhere) so there might not have been much room for improvement.

Bob

Mr Yuuuuup’s lawsuit was thrown out this spring; he’s on the hook for $122,000 in court costs to A&E, according to the wiki article:

In other words, a box of paperbacks, a bag of dirty laundry, and a 5" portable black and white TV.