# Zap! You're now a tiger; what do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 9, 2015, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445 "2015-01-09T22:54:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/1 "2015-01-09T22:54:32Z")
Imagine, you’re out for a walk in a relatively secluded place in the spring, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster indulges his whimsy and touches you with one of His Noodly Appendages and transforms you into a tiger. A healthy adult tiger in your prime. Fortunately you retain your intelligence. Equally fortunately, the FSM may be whimsical but is not vindictive, so you gain basic tiger skills like hunting and hiding. What do you do now? For myself, I think I’d try to avoid humans as long as possible and try to work my way south to one of the larger English forests and quietly live out my days. Hopefully I’d find a discarded map to show me the way. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/2 "2015-01-09T22:59:19Z")
What else is there to do ? Lick these tiger nuts of mine, forever. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/3 "2015-01-09T23:05:57Z")
I’m looking for sex the instant I’m transformed. I wanna #### like an animal and see what it’s like ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/4 "2015-01-09T23:08:36Z")
“Shut up! Or you’ll get us all fired!” Basically keep real quiet and avoid any fights with lions. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/5 "2015-01-09T23:20:14Z")
I find a human housing development, and I ROAR – in S.O.S. pattern. While I’m waiting for people to come, I write a message in the mud. “I am a Talking Tiger.” (Not actually true, but it’s the quickest way I can think of to put the message over.) Also, “Where is Calvin?” just for laughs. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/6 "2015-01-09T23:25:33Z")
[I tried it once](http://tackytigers.blogspot.co.uk/2011/06/tigers-are-very-popular-animals.html). It wasn’t as much fun as I expected. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/7 "2015-01-09T23:33:20Z")
Kill and eat something tasty, for starters. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/8 "2015-01-09T23:43:48Z")
I’m a tiger? Ok. So… where’s that Katy Perry got to anyway…? ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/9 "2015-01-09T23:45:28Z")
Well, they can just forget about this TPS report. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/10 "2015-01-09T23:52:06Z")
[Sit back and enjoy a nice drink](http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/1/15659/2555353-tawky_tawny_underestimating_tigers.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2015, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/11 "2015-01-09T23:55:03Z")
Get me some Frosted Flakes. They’re GGGGGRRRRREEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!! ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/12 "2015-01-10T00:08:31Z")
eat a human. see if they taste like chicken. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/13 "2015-01-10T00:13:25Z")
I’ll hang out with 3 other tiger pals. We’ll steal Little Black Sambo’s clothes and fight over who looks best in them. Then we’ll chase each other around a tree endlessly until we are all reduced to butter and Sambo’s mother uses us to butter their pancakes. :o ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/14 "2015-01-10T00:24:07Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > I’ll hang out with 3 other tiger pals. We’ll steal Little Black Sambo’s clothes and fight over who looks best in them. Then we’ll chase each other around a tree endlessly until we are all reduced to butter and Sambo’s mother uses us to butter their pancakes. :o I know I’m missing some kind of reference, but damned if I know what it is. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/15 "2015-01-10T00:31:32Z")
Getting turned into a tiger is one of this generations biggest fears after death, public speaking and getting gum stuck in your hair. I would be worried about getting shot as a wild animal so I’d take the Yogi Bear route. I’d put on my trench coat, hat and dark glasses. I’d walk upright with a swagger and try to act like one cool cat. That’s the part that worries me the most, I’m not that cool. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/16 "2015-01-10T00:37:59Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > I know I’m missing some kind of reference, but damned if I know what it is. 😕 This is the story from an old children’s book called Little Black Sambo. It was popular back in the '60s when I was a child. But with the dawning of the racial equality movement, it was banned as the name “Sambo” was considered to be a racial slur when referring to dark-skinned people from the continent of India. Really too bad, though, because it was a great children’s story. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/17 "2015-01-10T00:40:23Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > I’ll hang out with 3 other tiger pals. We’ll steal Little Black Sambo’s clothes and fight over who looks best in them. Then we’ll chase each other around a tree endlessly until we are all reduced to butter and Sambo’s mother uses us to butter their pancakes. :o > [@Honey](#): > > I know I’m missing some kind of reference, but damned if I know what it is. 😕 > [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > This is the story from an old children’s book called Little Black Sambo. It was popular back in the '60s when I was a child. But with the dawning of the racial equality movement, it was banned as the name “Sambo” was considered to be a racial slur when referring to dark-skinned people from the continent of India. > > Really too bad, though, because it was a great children’s story. SDMB condensed lit. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/18 "2015-01-10T01:44:52Z")
Seeing as tigers are on the verge of extinction Id do my best to help repopulate. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/19 "2015-01-10T01:52:42Z")
Evolve into a Kzinti. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445/20 "2015-01-10T02:05:41Z")
I’d try to [find a banjo](http://youtu.be/Pb5U8C8rALk). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zap-youre-now-a-tiger-what-do-you-do/709445.md?page=2)