# Zarkon, I told you to put that monolith on the THIRD planet! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 13, 2012, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650 "2012-04-13T11:30:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/1 "2012-04-13T11:30:52Z")
Apparentrly they’ve discovered the monolith from 2001 on Mars. > **['Monolith' Object on Mars? You Could Call It That](https://news.yahoo.com/monolith-object-mars-could-call-214004772.html)** > > Amateur stargazers have discovered an intriguing object jutting out from the surface of Mars. The seemingly perfectly rectangular, upright structure, found in NASA images of the Red Planet, bears a striking resemblance to the monoliths planted on... It should be quite happy there, along with the Happy Face, Kermit the Frog, the Sphinx, and the Pentagonal Pyramid. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/2 "2012-04-13T12:53:24Z")
Where are the monkeys? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/3 "2012-04-13T13:45:27Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Where are the monkeys? Well that’sa just it – if they’d put it on the [pi]third\* planet like they were supposed to, there’d be dancing monkeys to be brain-enhanced. But when they put it on Mars, the best they could hope for was, at best, smart bacteria. Who the hell cares if bacteria can remember how to run a maze? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/4 "2012-04-13T15:17:43Z")
You’ll regret your frivolous comments when intelligent thoats come a conquering. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/5 "2012-04-13T15:58:33Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > You’ll regret your frivolous comments when intelligent thoats come a conquering. Well, considering this thread is about Sharp Corners on a Barsoomian object, you can get away with it. But I thoat we agreed, no more ‘thoat’ puns after _The Number of the Beast_. Keep it up, and you may find your thoat cut. And you can take that to the banth. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/6 "2012-04-13T16:00:12Z")
But is it full of stars? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/7 "2012-04-13T16:03:53Z")
One of my favorite buttons: > [@](#): > > 2001 Dalmations > > My stars! It’s full of dogs! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/8 "2012-04-13T16:31:53Z")
This wasn’t a mistake by the Martians, no no. They’re making fun of us. We crashed a $330 million orbiter into Mars because of an embarrassing mixup of feet and meters, so the Martians thought it would be hilarious to put the monolith on Mars and make us go get it. This is basically a big game of interplanetary keepaway. I hate to dump on a science fiction classic (I liked John Carter), but “Barsoom” does sound like an old-timey Wild West word for breasts. So there. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/9 "2012-04-13T16:37:17Z")
Miss Kitty had [barsooms](http://www.catkitty.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Miss-Kitty.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/10 "2012-04-13T22:02:08Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > This is basically a big game of interplanetary keepaway. [And here’s the scorecard](http://www.bio.aps.anl.gov/~dgore/fun/PSL/marsscorecard.html), for those keeping track at home. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zarkon-i-told-you-to-put-that-monolith-on-the-third-planet/618650/11 "2012-04-14T16:08:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Zarkon, I told you to put that monolith on the THIRD planet! I thought that little close-in one was a \*dwarf \*planet. Did they change the definition again?