# Zelenskyy's Zeroes - The Sitcom **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** ukraine-invasion\ **Created:** [November 21, 2022, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330 "2022-11-21T17:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/1 "2022-11-21T17:07:45Z")
As per [this Mod Note](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russia-invades-ukraine-2022-02-24-part-2/973972/706), here’s the Sitcom Spinoff thread, now with titles! The Story So Far: > [@Russia invades Ukraine {2022-02-24} (Part 2)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russia-invades-ukraine-2022-02-24-part-2/973972/700): > > I have an idea for a “Hogan’s Heroes” type sitcom set during the Ukrainian war. It follows a team of Ukrainian commandos, as they travel around Russia. Every week, they get orders to blow up something, and every week, the thing ends up blowing up just before they get there, due to Russian incompetence. > > The team is hailed as heroes throughout Ukraine, and everyone thinks their constant attempts to explain that they haven’t actually done anything is just false modesty. > [@Russia invades Ukraine {2022-02-24} (Part 2)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russia-invades-ukraine-2022-02-24-part-2/973972/702): > > Sell it to Zelenskyy when the war’s over. He might want to star in it. > [@Russia invades Ukraine {2022-02-24} (Part 2)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russia-invades-ukraine-2022-02-24-part-2/973972/703): > > He’d be like Charlie, in Charlie’s Angels, a voice on the phone at the start and end of every episode. > > “President Zelenskyy, I must re-iterate, we didn’t blow up that pipeline. A Russian idiot was smoking when he opened a valve to steal oil, and set the place on fire all by himself. _Again._” > > “Oh, Oleksiy, you are so modest! One of these days, you will let me give you a medal, won’t you?” _\>rimshot\<_ > [@Russia invades Ukraine {2022-02-24} (Part 2)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russia-invades-ukraine-2022-02-24-part-2/973972/704): > > “And your sabotage of that military aircraft facility - amazing!” > > _\< flashback to Russian military jet rolling out of factory, taking off and promptly crashing back into the factory \>_ > [@Russia invades Ukraine {2022-02-24} (Part 2)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russia-invades-ukraine-2022-02-24-part-2/973972/705): > > One episode is the team being asked what equipment the Americans can send them to help their work. > > “Thirteen thousand cartons of Lucky Strikes, and a thousand Zippo lighters with instructions written in Russian.” Feel free to suggest an episode or scene! ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/2 "2022-11-21T17:44:56Z")
Absolutely have to have a scene where the Russians try to blow up a bridge, but connect the wrong set of wires and blow up the truck carrying all the munitions. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/3 "2022-11-21T17:45:04Z")
I think one of the Ukrainian commandos should have a pet Shiba Inu named Nafo who has a recurring tendency to get loose and run around in Russian facilities, resulting in hilarious hijinks as the Russians try to catch the little fella. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/4 "2022-11-21T17:58:10Z")
No ideas yet, but I love it. ---
**Author:** ![Mk\_VII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/5 "2022-11-21T18:01:45Z")
Past experience suggests a certain amount of time has to pass before ‘people’, wherever, can laugh about aspects of the war. After 1945 nobody wanted to think much about the war for some years, they were too busy rebuilding their lives and for those who had lost someone, maybe more than one, it was too near. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/6 "2022-11-21T18:07:22Z")
In one episode, the Russians are _trying_ to blow up an ammunition depot before the Ukranian army can get to it. Our protagonists are kept away by a series of comical bad luck incidents. Luckily, the Russians are completely unable to blow up the depot, due to their own incompetence. (“lighter is not work! Sergie has drunk the fluid again!”) Zelinsky is once again impressed by the team’s ingenuity. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/7 "2022-11-21T18:16:06Z")
> [@Mk\_VII](#): > > Past experience suggests a certain amount of time has to pass before ‘people’, wherever, can laugh about aspects of the war. Yeah, but the Ukrainians are laughing about this war _as it happens._ It’s been noted several times that their propaganda team is utterly harsh in poking fun at the Russian’s incompetence. Their memes and videos are unparalleled in their black humor response to the war. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/8 "2022-11-21T18:34:09Z")
In one episode, the team has the bomb all prepared to plant at the munitions factory, but the saboteurs stop for a piss when a Russian counter-agent steals the bomb to prevent the attack, but it falls off the back of his motorcycle right as he is riding over a grade crossing and blows up, causing a train loaded with tanks to derail dramatically and the tanks were all ready to go directly into service at the front so they start shooting up the Russian town because of their hair triggers. ---
**Author:** ![SoToasty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sotoasty/32/2803_2.png) [@SoToasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoToasty)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/9 "2022-11-21T18:51:38Z")
I think an episode where they go to sabotage a Tank factory, then realize that all the tanks are coming off the line and being sent to the front with non of the barrels being drilled. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/10 "2022-11-21T18:56:18Z")
The team is congratulated on managing to divert an entire column of vehicles from an invasion route into Ukraine. It turns out the Russians installed their compasses backwards, so they thought they were driving southwest, but were actually driving northeast. None of them realize this, and eventually they all run out of gas, so they just leave the vehicles there and hope no one notices. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/11 "2022-11-21T20:02:37Z")
It seems to me each of these ideas would only take up 2 minutes of screen time. The Ukrainians don’t have to do anything to upset the Russians’ plans. All they have to do is show up after the self-inflicted disaster and point and laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/12 "2022-11-21T20:16:48Z")
Oh, a good screenwriter could flesh these out into 22 minutes episodes. I mean, most of the Gilligan’s Island screw-ups were basically one idea. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/13 "2022-11-21T20:33:11Z")
Yup. Now Seinfeld always had about 4 things going on that all sort of intertwined. I could see that happening here too. But the Gilligan’s island approach should work too. ---
**Author:** ![SoToasty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sotoasty/32/2803_2.png) [@SoToasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoToasty)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/14 "2022-11-21T21:53:58Z")
You could add in Travel stories, like the car breaking down, and a Military convoy coming along and give the Saboteurs a ride. Or the locals thinking they are Russian soldiers and paying for train tickets. Buying explosives from the Local oligarch? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/15 "2022-11-21T22:10:39Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > Oh, a good screenwriter could flesh these out into 22 minutes episodes. You know, I could see Matt Groening doing this. He/his writers have a lot of skill with taking a story line and ricochetting it all off in another tangent so you forget how it got to where it is. And the idea of Russians in _Ukrama_ drawn by Groening has a lot of appeal. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/16 "2022-11-21T22:19:17Z")
The commandoes are getting tired of Russian vodka, so they install a still in an abandoned boat. They put an outboard on it so the boat can be hidden from sight if need be. One night Sergei bends over to check a run and his butt hits the start button on the motor. The boat takes off, Sergei goes overboard and the runaway still explodes directly under a Russian bridge. More medals, but they’re back to drinking Gorlovka vodka. ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/17 "2022-11-21T22:48:38Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Sergei bends over Our Ukrainian protagonist would be named “Sergiy”, or so my Ukrainian and Russian colleagues tell me. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/18 "2022-11-21T22:59:21Z")
Better still! (sorry) Sergei is one of the Russians tasked with running Our Heroes to ground. He finds the boat, tastes the output, backs into button… The Russians blow up their own bridge. ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/19 "2022-11-21T23:01:55Z")
Hehe, it can’t blow up a missile cruiser instead? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2022, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/20 "2022-11-21T23:08:21Z")
…just as the cruiser is going under the bridge. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330.md?page=2)