# Zelenskyy's Zeroes - The Sitcom **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** ukraine-invasion\ **Created:** [November 21, 2022, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330 "2022-11-21T17:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/141 "2023-03-16T01:47:05Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > We need a reveal of what the Russian winches were actually hoisting up. A piece of the [Moskva](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinking_of_the_Moskva#:~:text=The%20Russian%20warship%20Moskva%2C%20the,the%20Russian%20invasion%20of%20Ukraine.), “the flagship of the Black Sea fleet.” ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/142 "2023-03-16T12:36:45Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > We need a reveal of what the Russian winches were actually hoisting up. Any ideas what it should be? > [@filmore](#): > > Their own anchor? I think we have a winner! ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/143 "2023-03-16T16:50:06Z")
Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/144 "2023-03-16T17:14:02Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > > [@Chronos](#): > > > > We need a reveal of what the Russian winches were actually hoisting up. > > A piece of the [Moskva](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinking_of_the_Moskva#:~:text=The%20Russian%20warship%20Moskva%2C%20the,the%20Russian%20invasion%20of%20Ukraine.), “the flagship of the Black Sea fleet.” I like this. Otherwise there are _really_ interesting things on the bottom of the Black Sea, that I’d rather the Russians not disturb. Since the bottom of the sea is anaerobic, there have got to be ancient shipwrecks littered all over it. IIRC, Bob Ballard got a sonar image of a greek ship, complete with the mast erect. I can see it now: the Russian dive team find a bit of the wreckage, hold up something that identifies it as being from the Moskva, then hear the ominous groaning of their own ship sinking. ---
**Author:** ![JoseB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/joseb/32/1530_2.png) [@JoseB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoseB)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2023, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/145 "2023-04-21T11:22:42Z")
Zelenskyy’s Zeroes strike again!!! > **[Russia-Ukraine war live: Moscow accidentally bombs own city of Belgorod](https://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2023/apr/21/russia-ukraine-war-live-moscows-accidental-strike-on-belgorod-injures-two-china-says-it-is-not-inflaming-conflict)** > > Strike by Russian warplane on Russian city leaves crater 20 metres wide and injures two people The sitcom writes itself… ---
**Author:** ![JoseB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/joseb/32/1530_2.png) [@JoseB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoseB)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2023, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/146 "2023-04-21T12:49:01Z")
It turns out that R’lyeh is not in the South Pacific, but in the Black Sea. And Cthulhu gets really **PISSED** when someone wakes him up in the middle of his nap… ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2023, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/147 "2023-04-25T23:35:03Z")
When word arrives in Kyiv that Putin is sending in the entire complement of new T-14 Super Tanks, the Zeroes are sent to deal with them, using the newly-arrived NATO tanks. The Zeroes maneuver carefully as they approach the Russian staging area, but confusion sets in as none of the new tanks even leave their revetments. The Zeroes quickly outflank and destroy the entire unit. When they capture a Russian and interrogate him, they discover that, after the Russians pulled the tanks forward into their parking places, they were then stuck, unable to back out, as Putin had declared that Russian Tanks Shall Never Be Driven In Reverse. > [@Russia invades Ukraine {2022-02-24} (Part 2)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/russia-invades-ukraine-2022-02-24-part-2/973972/3628): > > As I recall they couldn’t put it into reverse gear. Let me guess…Russian tanks not need reverse gear. Never retreat, comrade! ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/148 "2023-04-27T01:16:26Z")
No, the Zeroes don’t get to destroy anything. They watch in bemusement at the Russians trying to tow the T-14s out and pulling chunks off instead. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/149 "2023-04-27T01:26:21Z")
Or when a chunk of the tank comes off, the truck lurches into another tank, hitting its magazine, resulting in an explosion that blows the turret off, which then falls onto another tank, causing that tank’s ammo to go off, which then … (it is a _big_ truck) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/150 "2023-04-27T02:21:10Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > causing that tank’s ammo to go off, which then … It’s ratings time. We need to have the tank blow up a fuel truck for a really big BOOM! ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/151 "2023-04-27T13:39:30Z")
…and flying shrapnel from the explosion knocks down a Russian fighter jet that’s come over too low. The jet’s crash trajectory brings it down onto a convoy bringing up ammunition, spare parts and troop rations for the front lines, triggering a chain of explosions down the road till it reaches and ignites the regional headquarters. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/152 "2023-04-27T13:49:40Z")
A cascatastrophy. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/153 "2023-04-27T14:46:42Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > The jet’s crash trajectory brings it down onto a convoy bringing up ammunition, spare parts and troop rations for the front lines, triggering a chain of explosions down the road till it reaches and ignites the regional headquarters. …at this point, the show breaks the fourth wall. One of the actors playing a Russian General goes into a Monty Phython-esque rant, “Stop it, stop it, this is just silly now! Russians are not nearly so bumbling and incompetent, like a bunch of Slavic Inspector Clouseaus!” Just as he’s really working himself up into a rant, he trips over a discarded artillery shell, goes into a massive prat fall routine of stumbling backwards while windmilling his arms to catch his balance, and then falls out a first-floor window\*, breaking his neck as he lands. Everyone else in the scene then just turns to look directly at the camera. \*The Window is literally just sitting out there in the open, one small piece of wall just in the middle of an open space, like its only purpose of existing was so he could fall out of it. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/154 "2023-04-27T15:07:26Z")
LOL, @Horatius, that’s perfect! ETA: Maybe the window is in a bit of smoking ruin from the destroyed headquarters? With a semi-charred photo of Putin hanging askew from what’s left of the wall? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/155 "2023-04-27T15:27:22Z")
The wall is mostly not there, a fragmented statement of destruction, but as he stumbles back, he misses several large gaps in it, falling out through the partial frame of the window in particular. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/156 "2023-04-27T15:29:49Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > falling out through the partial frame of the window in particular. It would be better if the window itself were pristine - unbroken glass, freshly painted frame, a nice set of old-fashioned curtains like your babushka would have had, but set in a wall that’s been clearly blown up several times. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/157 "2023-04-27T21:19:53Z")
Okay, we have a really good story for the season finale. All of the above happens, throwing the Russians completely off their plan for months. Zelenskyy wants to honor the Zeroes for their heroism, but to do so publicly would reveal the team members and their mission. Instead, all he can do is bring them into a windowless office, show them all the medals they’ll be presented with some day in public. And Oleksiy (remember, @Horatius named him in the OP) gets the last word, once again protesting the team didn’t do anything and doesn’t even deserve being promised a futre medal. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2023, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/158 "2023-04-27T21:31:32Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > And Oleksiy (remember, @Horatius named him in the OP) gets the last word, once again protesting the team didn’t do anything and doesn’t even deserve being promised a futre medal. Not the last word. There has to be some discussion as to whether the country would benefit from having heroes to look up to. This theme has to follow them through the subsequent season as they struggle to accomplish something medalworthy. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2023, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/159 "2023-04-28T11:57:37Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > There has to be some discussion as to whether the country would benefit from having heroes to look up to. This theme has to follow them through the subsequent season as they struggle to accomplish something medalworthy. We’ll have a post-war sequel series in which the Zeroes, embarrassed about all the medals and accolades they’ve received that they don’t think they deserved, decide to earn this respect by working to re-build Ukraine. Every week, they find a new town to help, rebuilding a school or a factory, or just planting trees. Every week, word leaks out that The Great Heroes are about to arrive in the town, and the townsfolk, not wanting to look bad in front of the heroes, quickly clean up and fix everything before the heroes get there, so they can greet the heroes to their nice new town. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2023, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330/160 "2023-04-29T16:50:33Z")
I’m beginning to suspect you are a screenwriter! Kudos. I can’t wait to watch it. Maybe it’s time to start casting. I guess I need to learn about Ukraine actors. I am only familiar with President Zelensky. I guess he could play all of the roles. Make him very obvious in all his different personas. And not a single orc can ever tell the difference. Hmmm, I better leave the writing to others. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zelenskyys-zeroes-the-sitcom/975330.md?page=9)