# Zuckerkorn v. Hutz **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 6, 2017, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623 "2017-09-06T09:34:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2017, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/1 "2017-09-06T09:34:07Z")
Hugely enjoying some Arrested Development re-runs at the moment, and particularly Henry Winkler’s Barry Zuckerman, possibly the world’s most appallingly incompetent lawyer. It got me thinking - in a race to the bottom, who would be worse - Barry Zuckerkorn or The Simpsons’ Lionel Hutz? Is there any other TV lawyer in the same league? ---
**Author:** ![Raza](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raza/32/213_2.png) [@Raza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raza)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2017, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/2 "2017-09-06T13:44:25Z")
Zuckerkorn would win against Hutz; the latter has to repair shoes to make a living. I can’t think of any that are that level of incompetent. Dan Fielding (Night Court) had personality issues, but seemed generally competent. Jackie Chiles (Seinfeld) also seemed…a character…but apparently was successful. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2017, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/3 "2017-09-06T13:47:29Z")
Ted from Scrubs? ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2017, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/4 "2017-09-06T14:40:16Z")
Maybe [the hyperchicken](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aiCbbYU9_s)? ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2017, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/5 "2017-09-06T15:32:22Z")
Hamilton Burger. Prosecuted hundreds of cases, but never won one, and always went after the wrong person. He should have learned not to bother with any client of Perry Mason, yet still he continued. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2017, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/6 "2017-09-06T16:53:14Z")
> [@Banksiaman](#): > > Hugely enjoying some Arrested Development re-runs at the moment, and particularly Henry Winkler’s Barry Zuckerman, possibly the world’s most appallingly incompetent lawyer. > > It got me thinking - in a race to the bottom, who would be worse - Barry Zuckerkorn or The Simpsons’ Lionel Hutz? Is there any other TV lawyer in the same league? Hm. Hutz clearly only has clients who can’t afford anyone else for their cases, while Zuckerkorn’s strategy is to get stupid, but wealthy clients, and tell them what they want to hear. In a head-to-head case, Hutz might well win, by accidentally getting clients with a reasonable case, while Zuckerkorn wouldn’t prepare (and might even make more money on a loss, by stringing out the appeals). Hutz actually wants to win, while Barry doesn’t care very much, as long as he continues to have a few clients who are willing to pay him (see also Gene Parmesan). ---
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2017, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/7 "2017-09-07T08:16:17Z")
> [@Andy\_L](#): > > Hm. Hutz clearly only has clients who can’t afford anyone else for their cases, while Zuckerkorn’s strategy is to get stupid, but wealthy clients, and tell them what they want to hear. In a head-to-head case, Hutz might well win, by accidentally getting clients with a reasonable case, while Zuckerkorn wouldn’t prepare (and might even make more money on a loss, by stringing out the appeals). Hutz actually wants to win, while Barry doesn’t care very much, as long as he continues to have a few clients who are willing to pay him (see also Gene Parmesan). That seems an excellent summary of their distinctive failures as lawyers. Its a mark of just how bad Barry Zuckerman is as a lawyer, that his competitors like Bob Loblaw seem moderately competent by comparison. And I only just saw that I wrote Zuckerman in the OP. D’oh! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2017, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/8 "2017-09-07T08:27:07Z")
It sure depends on the case. If it involved close-up pictures of genitals thought to resemble satellite imagery, Zuckerkorn would win easily. Hutz would have the edge in false advertising cases, with his experience against _The Neverending Story_. The downside is that Hutz requires a retainer: “Works on contingency? No, money down!” ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2017, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/9 "2017-09-07T09:59:57Z")
If you need to get off by reason of insanity, you’d want to hire Hyperchicken. Hiring him is irrefutable evidence of insanity. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2017, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/10 "2017-09-07T10:17:56Z")
> [@Banksiaman](#): > > … Is there any other TV lawyer in the same league? He’s not on TV, but in a movie: Dennis Denuto in [The Castle](The Castle (1997 Australian film) - Wikipedia) seems pretty incompetent, especially as a courtroom lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2017, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/zuckerkorn-v-hutz/795623/11 "2017-09-07T11:42:52Z")
I’d retain Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law over any of those.