Reality TV season finale thread

DKW
Mon, 14 Mar 2022 02:08:38 +0000
Cafe Society

Let’s see, what’s there to talk about…out of control megalomaniac in Russia simultaneously creating tragedy for a nation and wrecking his own…gas prices hitting an all time high, which everyone swore it was fine to do jack squat about the last time it happened…major league baseball suddenly finds common ground, meaning we’re only going to miss X games, with X to be determined at an unspecified date…TERF crap…video game crap…stupid convoy circling the Beltway like they’re practicing for the goddam Daytona 500…Disney failing to contest a grossly anti-gay bill, thereby vaporizing any good karma they got over James Gunn…

Ah, heck with it, I’ll just do some more reality TV stuff. Why mess with a winning formula.

Over the years, I’ve developed a keen eye for how these programs develop. My one overriding rule of thumb is: A reality show is only as good as its season finale. In the first episode, everything’s new and fresh, the cast is at its maximum size (Hey!), and the host’s/judges’ irritating habits haven’t become unbearable. By season’s end, the show has generally hit rock bottom; a lot of likable, quirky, interesting, or just plain funny personalities have been shown the door, the regulars are at peak obnoxiousness, and the whole production is wrapped up in the hype of the championship. Just compare this to this; it’s like night and day.

So the way I see it, to properly judge the season, one must judge the ending, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do here for a few shows that debuted in ’22 and a couple others if I feel like it. Hopefully I get some deeper insight out of this. Or at least a few laughs.

Let’s start with a favorite of this board, dancing.

The Real Dirty Dancing season finale - Fox, 1 hour, 2/22/22

The one overriding question I had throughout this whole exercise: Was Dirty Dancing ever that big a deal that Fox needed to build an entire show about it? I remember Roger Ebert being very harsh to it, and it’s never resonated through the years like Star Wars or Indiana Jones or even Ghostbusters. I’ve seen fun, breezy movies like Grease get whole episodes, but not a complete 4-week competition. I think a dance movie or musical-themed show would make more sense, and have much more long-term viability.

Anyway, the premise: Eight stars of varying non-A list statuses went to the summer hangout which was the set of the movie, and they learned to dance and get in character and get wet etc. Plenty of weepy drama thrown in because of course. And also of course, despite starting with a minuscule cast, it had to send two of them packing in the second episode and another two in the third. BOW DOWN BEFORE THE ALMIGHTY ANUDDA WUN BI DA DUS! IT IS YOUR MASTER!

Start - Snippet of Time of My Life. A song, incidentally, that in my childhood was generally played when I was absolutely miserable and forced to do something I despised by worthless degenerate moral troglodytes. Funny how that worked out. Quickie recap of the previous three weeks. Bunch of predictable reality TV comments.

2 Names of all eight contestants given, including the four whose relevance was forcibly cut off. I have no idea why these shows do this.

3 The Iconic Lift practice. Quite an eye-opener. These women are learning what pairs figure skaters have to deal with. Except that, y’know, the water is frozen.

6 “I just peed.” Exactly the kind of sparkling wit that makes reality TV such a joy to watch.

11 Scene reenactment. Throughout the competition these have run the gamut from hammy to cringeworthy. I’m happy to report that the streak is still alive.

17 Final rehearsals. Gotta say, they look a lot smoother than some of the rehearsals I’ve seen on Dancing With The Stars. That’s the benefit of both dancers having the same ability. They’re working hard on The Iconic Lift.

23 Brief montage of the contestants doing some sultry arm-stroking thing. They’re not professional actors.

24 Lots of serious discussion about The Iconic Lift! Getting crowded in that auditorium. (Dunno what Covid protocol is like over there, but this finale is way too serious for anyone to start quibbling over masks.)

27 1:27 AM and someone’s still awake. I’ve mentioned in the American Ninja Warrior thread that reality TV is never, never ever worth getting hurt for, and losing sleep isn’t much better.

28 Cheering crowd lining the walkway to the front door of the auditorium, apparently superfans of this one movie. Again, not anywhere near echelon of Star Wars. They’re really, really pumped over the reenactment of the final scene.

29 “35 years ago, a romantic movie with a bunch of dancing was released. Now you have a vital role, namely, to remember what all those faceless extras were doing in that final scene. I trust it won’t be too challenging.”

31 Oh, look, some amateur hula knockoff. Just the thing a lifelong resident of Hawaii wants to see.

36 Finallists take the stage. They assure us that they were working really hard, but they’re here to put on a show. I remember Ford Prefect researching this exact behavior.

38 Obligatory treacly retrospective. Slightly shorter than usual because it’s only been three flipping weeks.

39 Oh yeah, definitely not professional actors. First dance begins, and…geez. It’s been a while, but I’m pretty sure the scene was markedly longer than that.

Aaaaaand, that is the absolute limit of my willingness to go through with this. Other couple does the thing, somebody wins or something, you know the drill. Brrrrrrr. Oh yeah, definitely nailed it on that rule of thumb. It’s just too bad the heavy female contestant had to go. The comedy value form the train wreck her The Iconic Lift would’ve turned into was probably the only thing that could’ve saved this.

And there you have it, The Real Dirty Dancing! Somebody thought this was a good idea! Next up will be Next Level Chef, Gordon Ramsey’s latest attempt to catch lightning in a bottle (and getting mostly static electricity).

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