Don't want to share this board with a friend

[Byzantine]

I'm very new here and fell in love after reading the "and I thought they always said" thread. I laughed so hard I almost peed! But, I don't have any intention of sharing this with a close friend of mine who is also a nethead. Why? I think I would censor myself if I knew she were out here too. Anyone else?

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You can count the number of apples in one tree but never the number of trees in one apple.

[AuntiePam]

Go ahead and share it -- but don't tell your friend your alias so she won't know which posts are yours.

But be sure you know hers.

[Babar714]

Yeah, how many Byzantines can there be?

[kellibelli]

I would love to share the jokes & stuff with my younger brother, but there is too much of me raw & unreserved here to let him see,and 'kellibelli' would be a pretty sure tip off.
So I keep it to myself.
Kelli

[Athena]

I know what you mean. I frequent several message boards, using different aliasas (aliae?) depending on the subject and whether or not I want to be recognized. So far, I've kept this one to myself.

[Shirley Ujest]

I won't share this with my sister in law because 1) She's close minded 2)Very Religous 3) Drives me nuts. 4) We don't share the same ribald sense of humor. If humor were a place, she'd be the Kansas School Board. 5) Thinks the internet is just a porn place. 6)Where else can I sound off for $21.95 a month?

I prefer to keep this place to myself. It's like my very own bat cave, minus Alfred, the butler.

[Fretful Porpentine]

Well, I gave my father one of Cecil's books years ago, and now I'm a little afraid he'll stumble upon this site and recognize me from some of the personal things I've mentioned in my posts. (I'd like to think I haven't said anything TOO awful, but still, it would be weird.)

[Byzantine]

It wouldn't take her long to figure out it was me. The name alone is a major tip off if she thought about for a moment. And there is something so sweet about a private pleasure.

This place is like a huge candy bar hidden in my closet and I can sneak back for a few nibbles while my friends munch carrot sticks.

I can say anything I want (well, within the scope of human decency, I mean – don't want a moderator reading that and then freaking out!) And I can share things out here ABOUT her and not have to worry about it getting back to her.

[Kat]

I have 2 friends that I "share" this board with. I send them threads they might be interested in via ICQ, and they leave the rest alone.

[voguevixen]

I just hope my husband doesn't stumble upon it...although I think the post I'm worried is long gone.

[Stoid]

I really feel for you people who can only be raw and uncensored, real and completely yourselves...anonymously. That must be a bitch.

Stoid...always herself, everywhere.

[Byzantine]

Oh Stoidela, you are really so honest that you hold NOTHING back? Nothing at all?

"If you are honest only because you think it's the best policy, your honesty has already been corrupted."

Just poking you with a very long and pointed stick. But really, you are totally, all the time, fully, in your face honest? Be honest with me! I don't think I could be totally honest all the time with everyone I know and speak with. If nothing else, "Some people have tact, others tell the truth."

My point (and I'm NOT slamming you [I've been told that's not wise!], just having some fun while I make my point) is that I do express my problems to my friends and family. But I wouldn't couch it in the same bald language I use here. I would use some tact to express the problem I was having. My major point with this thread is that it is nice to have a place where I can express my hates, fears, disillusionments, peeves, in a manner where I do not have to censor myself because someone I know and love might take offence at the way I word something. I hope you don't take offence at how I've worded this!

Case in point. My sister is opposed to abortion on all fronts, even if her own life were in danger. I respect that. And she knows how I feel. It's just nice to have a place I can discuss it without her getting into it and being upset by the very words I use to express myself.

Gosh, this sounds like I'm making my point more confused. I just want ONE place where I can literally say what I want without worrying about being jumped on. Does that make sense? I guess I'm honest to a point but would never hurt another with my honesty if I could avoid it by softening my words.

Okay, that's my point. Some words truly do have the power to wound and wound deeply but you can soften the blow of your honesty. Does that make sense? Christ, I hope so. As a writer I know the power of words and I respect them. I work to keep my honesty in check with words that will not harm people I love.

Aw, poo, I think I need a hug or something.

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The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.

[Markxxx]

My friend is totally closeted and his biggest fear is one day over the internet I may run across him. Don't know what he is afraid of. He can't be too bright he hasn't figured out I'm on eBay and that uses your actual email address.

[Stoid]

Byz:

Who told you it wasn't wise? There is conversation about me going on somewhere? I wanna hear it!

The only times I have ever censored myself in any significant way, it was either in a work situation (which is why i work for myself) or in deference to the feelings of someone I care about, i.e., with my future husband's parents. For him, not them.

But even in those situations, I'm still pretty out there. I don't hide, deny, pretend, or euphemize.

For instance, in your situation, the most I might do is avoid being the first to bring up the subject. I certianly wouldn't deny what I believe if the subject were brought up by someone else just because my sister had her own feelings. Let her take responsibility for them.

I said it somewhere else around here: I don't choose to hang around with anyone I would need to hide myself with. If people can't take me for who I am, front and center, then obviously we shouldn't be hanging around together, eh?

Interestingly, this thread is about people being able to be totally open with strangers while hoping the people in their real lives don't see. I'm much more likely to be concerned about telling a bunch of strangers things about my personal life. Things I'm completely comfortable sharing with friends and family.



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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

[Byzantine]

you win

[Byzantine]

Sto - that's so short but I can't get into it now. I'm sorry but my heart hurts too much and my head can't keep pace. All I can say is I don't want to hurt anyone right now, I hurt so deeply that I can only say, "give me some slack at the moment" Thanks
Byz

[Stoid]

Byz:

I didn't know we were debating, I was jsut explaining.

I'm sorry you are hurting so much right now. I obviously have no idea what is going on with you, but having been in deep hurt myself quite recently, I can empathize. I hope whatever it is resolves itself or passes quickly.

Stoid


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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

[OpalCat]

Oh Stoidela, you are really so honest that you hold NOTHING back? Nothing at all?

I know Stoi already answered, but I'm going to answer as well: I pretty much am. I don't hide anything about myself except my address & phone number, really. You want to know when I'm expecting my period? You want to know how I feel about [pick a topic]? You want to know how overweight I am? You want to know what I dreamed about last night? It's all on my website. (Really. All of it. The site is up to 957 pages for crisssake!) Hell I even post my diary there. I agree with Stoi that anyone who is going to be offended/bothered/whatever by knowing who you REALLY are isnt' someone you should worry about losing anyway.

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>^,,^<
"Cluemobile? You've got a pickup..."
OpalCat's site: http://fathom.org/opalcat
The Teeming Millions Homepage: fathom.org/teemingmillions

[wolfstu]

If I found out someone on this board knew me I think I'd die. I would be forced to immediately cease posting.

[Totoro]

Well, I was brought to this board by a friend, and he immediately vanished from it. I'm kinda mad at that, cuz I know he's a smart kid, and I'd love to hear his opinions on most of this stuff.

[Little Nemo]

Byz, I understand and agree with you. It's usually not a case of feeling you can't be raw and uncensored in real life; it's that you don't want to. You may love 90% of the things your family, friends, or co-workers do, but this board can give you a private place where you can unload how you feel about the other 10% without hurting them.

[Bubble Girl]

Check out the dates of this thread. Its an old one. I have seen a couple like this one so far this morning resurected by the same person.

There is only one person I know who knows I post here and he is the one who told me about it. I like keeping it to myself.

[tobytobe]

test/excuse me

[Manda JO]

I think it is a pretty big conciet to think that the person you "really" are even exisits. They don't. We are all many different people in many different situations, and I don't think this is selling out, I think this is living up to all of our potentials, even when some of them contradict each other. I can be the quiet version of myself in some enviroments and the obnoxious version of myself in other enviroments, the expert, the learner, the understanding one, the sullen bitch (one particular enviroment). I enjoy who I am with my mother, I enjoy who I am with my husband, I enjoy who I am with various friends. In all these cases who I am is pretty fantastic. But I do suffer from a sort of psychic angst when ever I have to try and be two variations on myself at once, and that is why I delibereatly keep certain areas of my life seperate. Frankly, I don't feel that I am obligated to reveal all of myself (if I even knew what that was) to anyone I know--I am entitled to chose what I want to be around them, as they are around me.

Being the same person in all situations sounds terribly boring.

[lolagranola]

I'm a pretty open person, and the people I choose to spend my time with are pretty ok with that. Still, if some of my friends actually bought a computer (an unlikely event, if you knew how techno-phobic most of them are), I'd point them in this direction. If they did happen to find something they thought was TMI, it's not my fault. Look before you leap, I was here first.

I'm probably more outspoken IRL anyway. I can debate better in person, because I can keep my tone of voice and gestures on a friendly level. Online, I find a lot of the debates can get ugly.

[Sapphire Bullet]

While I was dating my ex he pointed me towards this board. We both lurked for a long time, but I registered before he did. At first I censored myself a bit, knowing he was reading up on me. When he finally showed up I wanted to point him out to everyone as a rockin' cool guy, but he wants to keep to himself, and keep the history a nice little secret we share.

With him, either way is fine. I have another friend with whom I shared chat, and I regret it. I hope she doesn't ever wander onto the boards. Don't get me wrong, she is great, but I don't think she would get it.

[TroubleAgain]

I know this is an old thread that has been resurrected along with several others, but I feel like it's a good one. (Thanks for starting it, Byz, so long ago!)

I share things from here a lot with friends and family, but I don't encourage anyone to join or post, 'cause it's MINE! I do share a lot here that I wouldn't necessarily want the world to see for one reason or another. And my husband would freak, 'cause he would probably say that I was giving out TMI on way lot of things!

[MissMisery]

Yes... I heard my boyfriend talk about this board on occasions... I finally checked it out for myself and I loved it! However, I felt like I was somehow imposing on his space by posting here... Of course, I do not know the result for sure(ys, I did eventually tell him that I was on here).. but it seems that Yue Han has not been affected too much by having me around.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

Funny this should come up. I've always thought my husband would enjoy much of what is written here, but I haven't actively recruited him. He knows my username, that much I'm sure of. Today, however, I was on HIS computer and I clicked on a thread where I had mentioned blowjobs, for an update. Then Cranky Jr cried or something and I left and never got to read it--forgot about it, in fact. It must have opened right to one of my quotes.

So at dinner tonight, my husband says, "What's this about blowjobs? " LOL

There is only one friend I wouldn't want to be here. I'm pretty much myself, and don't have much to hide.

[GusNSpot]

[[[[[[[[So at dinner tonight, my husband says, "What's this about blowjobs? " LOL ]]]]]]<--- CAAOM

You can't just leave us hanging here like that !!!!!!!!

:::::::: come on ----- Please, Pretty Please with Sugar on it !!!!! ::::::

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

Mr. Cranky: So What's this about blowjobs? It was up on my screen when I got back to my computer.

Cranky: Oh, THAT. [Waves hand dismissively in air] Well, you see, there was this girl who posted about this episode.... [Cranky launches into long, involved, overly detailed description with numerous tangents until Mr. Cranky's eyes glaze over].

Exciting enough for you?

[Little Nemo]

This is probably going to sound like a pit rant, but so be it. Several people here have posted that they feel free to say anything they want to in real life. This leads to three possibilities.

The first is that everything in your life really is perfect and you can always going around truthfully telling every person you meet that life is wonderful and couldn't be better. People like you are insane, but it's a happy kind of insanity. The rest of us can only envy the short but happy lifes you will lead before being murdered.

The second possibility is that you feel honesty is the best policy and make sure you share the truth with everyone you know. After all, your wife is undoubtedly happier knowing that you don't find her as attractive now that she's getting older. And your sister would want to know how you hate having her young children around. And it's only right that you tell your neighbor how ridiculous you find his religious beliefs to be. And your co-workers surely appreciate your honesty in telling them about all the things they say or do which annoy you each day.

The third possibility is that you watch what you say and think at all times, both online and in real life. You never say or do anything that would offend anyone else. Your secret is that you never have any thoughts that would offend anyone else. Whenever you start having a bad thought, you just bury in deep inside your mind where no one, including yourself, will ever see it. Much the same way all the bodies of those drifters and hitchhikers are buried in your basement.

The rest of us go a fourth way. We want to talk about a person but not to that person's face. So we come here, safe in the knowledge that neither that person nor anyone who knows them will ever hear what we have to say. It's cheaper than psychiatry, has better feedback than a diary, and less spiritual baggage than talking to God.

[lolagranola]

I gave some thought to what you said, Little Nemo, and it's possible that I just never post anything in a public forum that I don't want people to see. Perhaps it is self-censorhip. I learned a long time ago not to say anything about someone behind their back that I wouldn't be willing to say to that person. I tend to give a lot of thought to what I say about someone, for lack of a better term, behind their back, IRL and online. Having said that, I am fairly open with my friends. I always tell them that although I can be offensive at times, they never have to guess how I feel about them, or their actions, or even my own.

My husband posts here. He often reads what I post. Occasionally he is offended, like when I posted in a thread about what you don't like about your SO. I didn't post anything I wouldn't have said (and hadn't said) to his face. I felt ok about it.

I'm pretty happy, so I guess I have a little of the first possibility. I try hard to be fairly honest about myself, and I do (usually tactfully) approach sensitive subjects with my friends, so a little of the second possibility. I also try to watch what I say, so a little bit of the third possibility as well.

Your fourth way is fine. I certainly hope you didn't mean your post in a judgemental way, because I certainly don't feel judgemental about the way you choose to deal with your private thoughts. We all have different beliefs on how to handle certain situations, and my way certainly isn't the best for everyone, and perhaps I'll one day deal with things differently myself. Who knows.

I feel like I should add an explanation on why I try so hard to discuss issues with my friends. Many years back, I had a situation where I found out that several of my friends had major issues with me. They were my judge and jury, and I never had an opportunity to defend my own actions, since they never mentioned any of it to me. They were still really friendly to me, and then discussed everything about me behind my back. I gave it a lot of thought, and realized that in small ways, I often was guilty of the same thing. I would get really mad at someone, and not tell them. They never had a chance to defend themselves. I resolved not to do that anymore. If you really piss me off, you deserve to know, and have a chance to give me your side of things. I find that 90% of people tend to appreciate the chance to explain things before they get out of control.

I might assume that you view posting about your private life differently, but I thought an explanation of where I'm coming from on this issue would help clarify things. I know that your post wasn't directed soley towards me, but I did want to express my view on it anyway.

[Little Nemo]

Lola, I agree that gossip behind your back can be hurtful. But the point I was trying to make was that gossip in your face can be hurtful as well, which is why online conversations are useful.

Let me use a variation of one of the examples I gave. Let's say you have a poor opinion of Mormonism. (Hopefully no one needs to be told that I'm only using this as an example; I have no reason to think lola has any opinions, good or bad, on this subject.) One day you're talking to Bob, a co-worker you like, and he mentions that he is a Mormon. Would honesty compel you to tell him, "Personally, Bob, I've always felt only idiots could believe that garbage"? Most people would decide to use some tact and avoid the subject with Bob. Some people might still discuss their beliefs with other people they know and hope that no one passes it on to Bob. Other people might decide they can never mention their true opinions on the subject again for fear of offending Bob or some other person. Message boards like this offer a safe alternative; a chance to discuss real life issues without worrying about hurting or offending the people you know in real life.

Obviously there are times when real communication is needed and people have to tell other people unpleasant truths. But a lot of times, people have a need to say something without having a specific need for any particular person to hear it.